


Riley's Rantings

by bethanyyerinn



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: A lot of characters make an appearance in this one, All you need is love, Angst, Because I needed Papyton, Bisexual, But there is a sort of kind of sex scene, F/M, Fluff, I am in love with Sans, Mettaton is a diva for like half a chapter, NO ECTO DICK, OC narrator - Freeform, Polyamory, Romance, SERIOUSLY THERE ARE NO PENISES IN THIS STORY, anthropology rules, blogger main character, but seriously, entirely SANStastic, he is just SHINcredible, it's kind of hard to explain, just chilling at Grillby's, lots of cute, lots of tags, mention of BDSM, not Napstablook though he just didn't really seem to fit sorry, okay I'm sorry I'll stop now, trigger warnings within, um tags, you'll figure it out - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 13:46:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 89,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6472366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bethanyyerinn/pseuds/bethanyyerinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A college senior starts a blog about Monsters and finds that Monster life is a lot more interesting (and complicated) than she had supposed. Mostly thanks to a certain skeletal comedian.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. laughter

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> College AU, bisexual polyamorous OC narrator, post Pacifist but with spoilers from Genocide. Fluff and angst and romance and angst and more fluff will ensue. 
> 
> Another disclaimer: Though I describe a phenomenon called “Freakers” in the second chapter, this is NOT a story about Freakers. Don’t get nervous when you see that. 
> 
> Trigger warnings for mention of rape and suicide. 
> 
> This story is rated M for kinda smut instead of E for full on smut. I don’t have ectodick, which means there’s no real sex, but there is mention of F/F and M/M of the BDSM variety and there is, in fact, a M/F smut chapter… just not the traditional kind. And as a note, I only have ever written M/M porn so going from that to no dicks at all is going to be really weird for me.
> 
> ANOTHER DISCLAIMER! In September a user called sanuraskitty started posting a piece called Alex's Articles and called it a fan work based on mine, but it's straight plagiarism. All she did was switch out the names and then call it Underswap. I didn't give her permission to do this. Obviously you can read it if you want, it's your life, but I just want it out there that I didn't give her leave to make this spin off and I'm not very happy about it. 
> 
> Without further ado, enjoy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prologue that isn't quite from our main character's POV...

Sans didn’t know what to think when he heard her laughing.

He’d been on the surface for years by now and he’d become accustomed to the artificial chortles of the humans. In the Underground, laughter was sincere, but not so up here. Laughs were custom, were manners, and so rarely indicated true pleasure.

So when he was sitting with Papyrus, who was babbling about how he wanted a football uniform because they were _very cool_ as he waited for the waitress to bring his spaghetti, he turned full around in his booth at the sound—a loud guffaw from deep in a belly.

Her short, curly hair was dyed rainbow colors and her frame was thickset, sturdy. She wore a black tee shirt and she was grinning, still in the aftershocks of amusement from some joke Sans was unfortunate enough not to hear. 

Her friend, who had had dark skin and close cropped hair, met eyes with Sans, catching him staring. He watched her right back just to gauge her reaction—some humans had no issue with Monsters and others hated them. He sometimes amused himself by seeing how many Monsterphobes he could meet and frighten.

This girl didn’t fear him though. She looked at Sans with an eyebrow up and then elbowed her friend, the laughing one.

“What was that for?” she asked indignantly, glancing over to her friend.

Sans turned around, suddenly nervous. His face felt hot.

“Brother, you’ve gone blue. Are you overly warm? I shall cool you off, for it is my honor and duty to assist you in all things!”

Papyrus stuck his napkin in his ice water and pressed it futilely to Sans’ face.

Sans, unable to hold it in, burst out laughing. “Paps, what the hell are you doing?”

“You look very flushed! I became concerned! I am your big brother and it is my honor—”

“Yeah, yeah, I heard,” Sans muttered, waving him off. “You think this place has any ketchup?”

“I shall inquire after the waitress!” Sans was going to stop him, but it was too late. “Excuse me, fair waitress, but my brother requires ketchup!”

Sans shook his head and turned back to the table—it had gone empty. He had half a moment to be confused when he heard the laugh again. He turned towards the door and saw that the girl’s friend was paying for their meal, which left the girl standing by the door.

And she was looking at him.

The smile was slowly slipping off her face—she didn’t look frightened or offended though, just curious. Her head tilted barely to one side.

They stared at one another for an infinite second.

Then one corner of her mouth twitched up and she nodded in his direction.

In a moment of boldness, Sans stood.

“Brother?” asked Papyrus.

“Be right back, bro. Need that ketchup.”

“Oh, of course! Yes, I knew that!”

He continued speaking, saying something about The Great Papyrus, but Sans was ignoring him in favor of walking over to the girl by the door.

She was slightly taller than him. Her jeans were torn at the knees and her boots looked heavy—walking was enough work as it was without shit like that strapped to your feet.

“I like your laugh.”

She chuckled again, and still it was genuine. “Is that your idea of a pickup line?”

“It’s just a comment. I can’t resist someone with a **funny** **bone**.”

She snorted. “Oh lord.”

“Forgive me for such a silly pun. I’m such a **numbskull** sometimes.”

She covered her mouth to keep from laughing again and it was the last thing Sans wanted. “How many of those do you have up your sleeve?”

“A **skele** -ton, I assure you.”

She couldn’t hold back this time. She looked him over with a grin on her face. “You always wear slippers out around town? It’s kind of, you know, not exactly customary.”

She looked at him that closely, every inch of him, and her only comment was on his slippers. Not the bones or the glowing eyes, just the slippers.

He couldn’t say it wasn’t a nice change.

“What can I say? I’m **bone** to be wild.”

The girl shook her head and then turned to her companion. “We good?”

“Yup. Let’s go.”

The rainbow-haired one turned to Sans. “It was nice to meet you, bro.” Then she smiled, just a little, before adding, “We’ll meet again sometime. I feel it in my **bones**.”

She winked and then she left the restaurant.


	2. Underlings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting another chapter on day one just because the first one is so short and hardly counts.

“Underlings” was probably an apt description for what I was, but I didn’t like the societal connotation of it.

Crazier than furries, dirtier than cloppers, the Underlings had a freaky kink for Monsters. According to public image, Underlings wanked to the idea of a Monster fucking them to death. The more freaky appendages, the better. If you were lucky, a Monster tore out your eyes and stuck them up your vagina with their tail.

I was pretty convinced that subset of Underlings started in people who had already been into tentacle porn before the Underground emptied and changed our world forever.

Us real life Underlings wanted the world to know that while there was a disturbing subgenre to the Underling fandom, it wasn’t representative of all of us. Underlings came in a million degrees of obsession. Some Underlings were little more than Monster rights activists—all they wanted was for Monsters to be equal in society. Some Underlings had an interest in Monsters, but more in a desire for knowledge than anything else—brand new creatures coming up from the earth’s crust was certainly a fascinating topic for the scientifically inclined. Then there were Underlings that went out of their way to talk to or even befriend Monsters. And yes, there were Underlings that were attracted to the idea of being non-platonically involved with Monsters, but it was more innocent than the general public seemed to think. It was kind of like people who wrote slash fiction—sure, they had a weird obsession with dudes fucking other dudes, but that didn’t mean they wanted said dudes fucking each other to death with unearthly limbs.

A person that was into the whole violent death by sex thing was called a Freaker. And truth be told, I don’t really give a shit what someone does in their own bedroom. If some Freaker liked to imagine a giant sea Monster cutting off his dick and feeding it to him, that didn’t really affect my quality of life, so whatever.

But the fact that everyone in the world assumed every Underling was a secret Freaker was pretty fucking annoying and caused most Underlings to keep their interest a secret.

Me and my best friend Alex developed as Underlings separately. We casually discussed Monster rights, but our further fascination was private. Then one day, I finally exploded. I had to tell her, and once I did, she laughed for about a minute before telling me that she felt the same way I did. Monsters got infused into more and more of our conversations until we talked about them as often as we talked about our favorite TV shows and comic books.  

I don’t know what form of Underling I really was. I definitely wasn’t as casual as some—usually, when I was into something, I got a bit obsessive. Alex and I ate at Monster friendly restaurants and took long-cuts back from campus through Monster Slums in hopes of running into them. We liked to look at them, because Jesus if they weren’t bizarre looking. Their proportions were abnormal, their bodies defied physics, the way they interacted with one another was fascinating. Was I attracted to them above humans? No, I wouldn’t say so. Was I casually interested in what sex with a Monster might be like? Sure. Scientific curiosity and all that.

Plus, it was a good place to be an Underling. Thousands of Monsters flooded out of Mt. Ebott that day and a good number of them chose to settle in my town, the town for which the mountain was named. Ebott was both the most Monster populated city in the world and the most racist against them.

Once the Monsters came out of the Underground, provisions were immediately made for them by the government. Propaganda basically told us to act natural for our own safety but to be careful—the higher ups of the U S of A were convinced the Monsters had magic that they could use to destroy anyone at any moment and they did whatever they could to appease them, but people who lived around Monsters knew better. They were clearly non-violent, so my town (and likely many others) started discriminating against them immediately. It was the fifties all over again with segregation in restaurants and neighborhoods. Only some stores accepted their money, only some banks would exchange their money for ours, and almost no places hired Monsters. The discrimination stayed away from bathrooms and public transportation, but it was more than halfway there. The behavior was all illegal, but no feds were coming in to do anything about it, so it didn’t stop.

Underlings like Alex and I endeavored to make life easier for them just by being decent.

Monsters were, understandably, not terribly chatty. A lot of humans were around to yell racial slurs, so they didn’t go out of their way to talk, but if me and Alex waved to Monsters pleasantly, they’d wave back. We had managed to start a conversation or two, and they’d all been quite nice, but they weren’t exactly lining up to be buds. I’d never even learned a Monster’s name before, so I wasn’t sure what kind of names they had.

That was why the skeletons at Gino’s had surprised me so much.

The two skeletons a few booths from Alex and I had definitely caught our attention, but mostly it was the tall skinny one, who wore a cut off tank top, shorts, and a backwards snapback hat. Well, that and a orange scarf that didn't exactly match, but kind of fit him anyway. He was almost your typical college frat bro minus the fact that he had no flesh. His vocabulary was like a knight if you ignored the fact that he occasionally said “wowie”. By all rights we shouldn’t have been able to hear him at all, with how far he was, but his voice carried.

Thanks to him, we knew the names of both he and his companion within minutes.

“I, The Great Papyrus, would like to order your finest spaghetti!” The shorter skeleton he was with must’ve said something, because he scolded, “Sans, no! No more!” There was some other inaudible response before the tall one, apparently named Papyrus, groaned. “ _Saaaaans_!”

I only knew the other Monster, Sans, was also a skeleton because I had gotten a quick glance of his empty eye sockets and prominent teeth as they walked inside before he sat facing away from me in his booth. He could never be heard responding because he presumably had an inside voice, unlike Papyrus. He did laugh a good amount though, and his deep chortle resonated through the diner in a contagious way, making me feel light.

“Skeletor over there clearly likes spaghetti a _lot_ ,” Alex said.

I smirked. Monsters being loud wasn’t uncommon. Presumably, manners were different in the Underground, because they often called attention to themselves without seeming to do it intentionally.

Then again, three years later people were still getting used to seeing Monsters out and about. So even if they were all dead silent, they’d get plenty of stares.

It turned out that listening to Papyrus talk was actually completely enthralling. He ended up talking a little bit about their home in the Underground and how he thought it was silly that it only snowed here a couple months instead of all year round. How was it possible that it snowed down there? How many ecosystems were there? Sans and Papyrus were clearly brothers, from how often Papyrus mentioned it, but if they were made of magic how were any of them more related than others? Monsters hadn’t been on the surface for long enough that any of this information was readily available, which meant the only way to learn about it was from Monsters themselves.

Which I was fresh out of.

The two nosiest scholars in the world were anthropologists and journalists, and I happened to be an Anthropology major with a blog.

To say the least, my thirst for knowledge was sometimes unmanageable.

It took a while for Alex and I to tear our attention from the brothers, but we eventually got our food and I started telling Alex about a stupid guy in one of my classes.

It wasn’t long before Alex elbowed me a little harder than probably necessary. “Riley,” she coughed under her breath.

“What was that for?” I accused.

“Sans. He was staring at you.”

I looked at the back of his head, not listening to what Papyrus said as he started fussing with Sans’ face. 

“No way,” I whispered. “You imagined it.”

“No, I swear he was,” she said. “And…” She went quiet, wringing her hands on the table.

“What?” I asked.

“No, it was just…”

“What is it?”

“Monsters are, like, the least scary thing ever,” Alex said. I nodded. Some had a more frightening exterior than others, but they immediately came off as kind. I’d never been the slightest bit scared by one of them—in fact, the Monster Slums were a lot safer than half the human neighborhoods around. Every crime in a Monster Slum was perpetrated by a human. “But something about him…” she murmured. “He…” She shook her head. “You’d have to see for yourself.”

I was going to respond, but then I glanced at the time. “Ah shit,” I muttered. “I’m gonna be late for class if we don’t leave.”

At that she stood and we were at the front of the restaurant. And I couldn’t help but look at Sans.

I immediately saw what Alex had meant. Papyrus, while looking like a skeleton, was not proportioned anything like a human. He was somewhere around seven feet tall, his leg bones wouldn’t hold up his ribs if he weren’t made of magic… but Sans wasn’t like that. His head, which was the only part of him not covered by clothes, almost looked like a human just had his skin peeled away—it was rounder and smoother than a normal skull and his teeth did look like an honest smile, but it was still a bit eerie that his body was shaped so similarly to a human when most Monsters looked nothing like us. He also had white pupils in his empty eye sockets, ones that glowed with ethereal light. Papyrus’ sockets were dark because the light from the ceiling didn’t reach inside them from the angle he was sitting, but Sans’ seemed an endless sort of darkness, like they couldn’t be brightened even if you shined a flashlight in them.

“Ri, oh my god, look at this text Marco sent me.”

I took her phone and was laughing at the text when I resumed staring at Sans.

Who, barely a second later, met my eyes.

There was a strange tingle down my spine, like the buzz of a running computer. I’d gotten feelings similar to this around Monsters before—I assumed it was caused by magic—but I’d never felt it so strongly. If I didn’t know any better, this guy in the casual blue parka and turtle neck sweater radiated power in a way no other Monster I had met did.

It took me a moment to gain my composure, but once I did, I thought to smile.

And immediately, he stood up and made his way over to me.

Seeing as it was my first ever conversation that a Monster had initiated, I didn’t expect it to be full of skeleton-related puns. You’d think he’d want to move away from people looking at him like he was different, but clearly that didn’t matter to him in the slightest. He casually joked with me with a perpetually smiling mouth until I knew I had to go.

I made sure to return a pun on my way out.

“Holy shit, he came up and talked to you,” Alex said, linking arms with me as we made our way to the subway station.

“I know. Did you hear his voice?”

She clearly knew what I meant by the way she exhaled and fanned off her face. It was deep—the lowest string on a bass, lower than a human was probably capable.

And I wasn’t sure if saying I would see him again was a lie, but I sure hoped it wasn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter on Thursday the 7th!


	3. Clumsiness

It was months before I had a chance to talk to another Monster.

And it happened, of all places, at a BDSM club with Alex.

See, Alex and I had a complicated relationship.

I’d known her a long time, but we’d been vague acquaintances at the start. It only turned into a real friendship when we ended up making out at a park for hours, my hand clumsily fondling her breast under her bra—I’d known I was bi for years by then, but a lack of female partners meant I knew my way around a dick a lot better than I did a tit.

She and I remedied that over the years, of course.

We’d had some confusing runs with not being sure exactly how we felt about each other, but last year, things settled down when she got a boyfriend. Marco was a great guy and they loved each other. He was living in a different town currently, but technology meant they were constantly in touch.

We were very open with him about the fact that she and I still fucked—and we lived together, so it wasn’t even infrequent. He’d been a little unsure about the arrangement until we all had a threesome and now he was pretty into it. His only stipulation was that he wanted graphic details about it to jack off to and we were only too happy to oblige. We sometimes had sex while he watched over Skype. I once was passing through the town he lived in to see family and he and I fucked when Alex wasn’t even there—it was much less awkward than I expected.

People sometimes said that no strings attached didn’t truly exist, but Alex and I were completely capable of it. We’d been at it for going on six years now and even considering the periods of confusion, we never stopped being friends. We never let ourselves get hurt over this because we couldn’t bear to lose each other. And we agreed, long ago, that if either of us found a partner that insisted upon monogamy, we would be able to back off. It had happened a couple times already and we found we’d been correct—our friendship, though involving a lot of sex, was not _centered_ around sex. It wasn’t the sundae, it was the cherry on top—not required, but still pretty awesome.

She and I, like with the Underling secret, often ended up being into the same things without learning about them through each other. One day we’d realize that, without paying attention, we’d gained another hobby in common.

BDSM happened that way.

I learned about it from an old roommate, who was all sugar and sweetness unless you shared a wall with her and her boyfriend. Alex had learned it from a novel series. It wasn’t long before we figured out we were both into it, and like the Underling thing, we didn’t talk about it with anyone but each other. The _Fifty Shades of Gray_ craze hadn’t started yet, so it wasn’t exactly mainstream.

So we ended up looking for a club. It was the best way to meet other people that might also be into it without asking random friends about it.

The place we ended up joining, after visiting nearly ten, was called the Leather Lounge. It was discreet on the outside, and if someone came in that clearly didn’t know where they were and had made a mistake, they’d end up in an ordinary looking lobby where the receptionist would slyly nudge them towards the door without telling them what they’d almost stumbled upon. It had the most thorough rules we could find regarding consent, which was important to us. It also had a good proportion of gay to straight pairings and that appealed.

It turned out we’d truly made the right choice when, a couple months after the Monsters came to the surface, they’d added the stipulation ‘Fang Friendly’ to their advertising. It was impossible to know if they did it because they truly believed in inclusion or because they liked money no matter who it came from, but it was a welcome addition to me and Alex’s occasional haunt.

We only went to the club when one of us was having an especially bad day and needed a treat.

* * *

 

It was midterm season and we both needed the getaway, so we made our way over to the Lounge. We were both switches, so who was sub and who was Dom was based on mood. She and I were synchronized enough that we were never both in a Dom mood at the same time, which was good. We’d probably get in a fight to the death over who was in control if that ever happened.

Tonight was my night.

While a lot of couples dressed in gaudy leather or skimpy ensembles that were more skin than fabric, Alex and I kept it simple. When I was Domming, I dressed as masculine as possible. I wore a binder to hold in my boobs, cargo pants, a tee shirt, and a backwards hat. Tonight she wore a dress and a bow in her hair and some simple cuffs around the wrists to make sure everyone was aware that she already had an owner.

While Alex wasn’t really thin, she was thinner than me and, in my opinion, a lot more attractive. So I often got admirers when I had her in cute dresses that showed off her massive tits.

It was offensive enough to hit on another Dom’s sub, but then people would turn it into a race thing.

People always compared her to fucking food. Chocolate. Coffee beans. Whatever.

It annoyed the shit out of me. Yeah, she’s fucking black, and no, I don’t fuck her because she’s black. It didn’t seem a difficult concept to understand to me.

But honestly it probably only made me as angry as it did because when I was in Dom mode, I was always more aggressive.

So three different Doms had hit on Alex already.

“I need a bite of that Snickers bar, because I’m not me when I’m hungry,” had been one of them.

Another had been, “I bet I could get the chocolate fountain running.”

My fists were clenched at my sides. Alex, boldly not asking permission before doing so, took my hand. “Don’t let them bother you, Sir,” she told me.

I looked up to her and smiled before tweaking her nipple playfully through her dress in what she knew was a casual punishment for speaking out of turn.

But looking over at her had been my mistake.

In the moment I looked away from where I was walking, I ran straight into another Dom.

I’d seen her there a couple times before—I didn’t recognize a lot of people who came in, but Monsters, on the other hand, were pretty distinctive. It would take me a long time to forget seeing a red haired blue fish lady with an eyepatch and her golden dinosaur sub. They, like Alex and I, wore less ridiculous clothes. The fish woman wore a black tank top and leather pants and the lizard woman was in a red dress.

The fish woman glared down at me, two rows of razor sharp teeth glinting in the red light from the lamp nearby.

“You got a problem, punk?”

Usually I apologized like a Canadian when I ran into people, no matter if it was my fault or theirs, but the one exception to that rule was when I was Dominant.

So I sneered at her. “If you want to have a problem, I’m perfectly fine having one.”

She gave a wicked grin, a hiss somewhere in the back of her throat. “I could destroy you with my pinky, shorty.”

I wasn’t actually short—I was a couple inches shorter than Alex, who was 5’11”, and this Monster was taller than her, making her over six foot. Most Monsters were either significantly larger or smaller than humans, but this Monster was not like other ones. Monsters didn’t threaten people. They were obvious pacifists.

Then again, I was all bark no bite myself on any normal day, but I was much more willing to bite when I had my sub trailing behind me. Maybe this woman was like that too.

That was supported by the fact that her sub said, “Master, please, don’t… don’t…”

And immediately she turned around. I thought she was going to punish her for speaking out of turn, but instead she said, “Aw, come on Alphy, she’s asking for it.”

At that, I took a good look at her sub. She was turned in on herself, she was stammering like she was scared.

I didn’t want to go scaring other people’s subs.

“Hey,” I said to the dinosaur woman, “we don’t really mean it. It’s just… part of the game, you know?”

It felt weird to break character. No matter how many subs I had startled or Doms I had offended, I kept being a dick ‘til the end and nobody expected anything else from me.

But there was something sweet in the way the two Monsters looked at each other. They were clearly a couple outside the club.

And if my Underling desire to be nice to Monsters was part of it, was that really such a sin?

“Who says I didn’t mean it?” the scaly woman said, but she grumbled it like she was already losing her steam.

I looked up to her and she refused to meet my eyes. “We’re all just here to have a good time. Starting a fight over running into one another doesn’t sound fun to me. So what do you say we forget about it?”

She finally looked me over pensively. “Well. I guess. Yeah, whatever.” She was mumbling under her breath.

“My name is Riley,” I told her, “And this beautiful pet here is Alex.”

I didn’t think for a second she’d take the bait, but after some hesitation she said, “I’m Undyne. This is Alphys. You can’t have her, she’s mine.”

I almost laughed, but under her one-eyed gaze, I thought better of it. “Same goes for mine.”

She nodded once. “Well, Riley, I suppose you aren’t so bad. You know, for a human.”

“And you’re not so bad for anyone.” I leaned down carefully so I was at Alphys’ eye level. She just barely flinched backwards, so I stayed still as I said, “It was nice to meet you.”

She only nodded, as subs usually did when another Dom spoke to them.

Undyne, maybe because she felt she had to because of what I’d done, turned to Alex. “You’re tall for a human girl.”

I looked at her and nodded, giving her permission to respond. “Is that a problem, Master Undyne?” I was proud of her for sounding so respectful when I knew that in any other building, she would’ve had some scathing remarks to toss around.

“No,” she said. “It’s kinda cool, actually.” Then she turned to Alphys. “Come one Alphy, let’s get the Ocean Room before someone steals it.”

For having looked so anxious before, mention of finding a role playing room seemed to make her pretty excited. They left together, hand in hand.

I turned to Alex. “You were good, pet. I think you deserve a reward.”

She glowed at the compliment and I dragged her towards a more private corner for some fun.


	4. Invitation

The next time we went into the Leather Lounge, I was subbing. This time around there was only a couple days between visits—Alex was so stressed out that I knew she needed it. She had me in this ridiculous little black dress—but clearly she was better at dressing me than I was, because I got more compliments than I usually did. I was having a pretty good time, actually.

We were over at the bar. Alex was rocking a black tank top that showed off a lot of her red bra underneath and a red maxi skirt. She had her arm possessively around my waist.

“Well well well, if it isn’t the clumsy one and the tall one.”

I turned quickly to find Undyne standing on my other side, Alphys in tow. I smiled at her, knowing better than to speak.

“If you could not call her that,” Alex said, “I’d be much obliged.”

While my Dom style involved picking fights, Alex’s was more cold and distant. For having the biggest smile in the world, she was a little scary when she was like this. It sent pleasurable chills up my spine as she defended me when I couldn’t defend myself.

Undyne narrowed her eye. “Weren’t you guys switched before?”

“An astute observation.”

Undyne shook her head. “You Doms are such nerds. Can’t we have a nice conversation without pissing on each other?”

“That works better when you don’t start the conversation off with an insult,” Alex noted.

“Ah, don’t take it personally. It’s just what I do. Right, Alphy?”

“Y-yes, she does have a habit of doing that…” Alphys agreed.

Undyne received her amber colored drink from the bartender. It looked like something you were supposed to sip, but she downed it without a wince before handing the other drink, which was icy and garnished with an umbrella, to her sub. Alphys took a small sip from the straw.

I looked over to Alex, and I knew her well enough to know that she was dying trying to stay in character. We’d never gotten this good of a chance to have a real conversation with Monsters. I gave her a pleading look and she sighed before looking to Undyne.

“We’re here to watch tonight,” Alex said. “Too tired for playing with how much we’ve been studying. Want to take a seat somewhere?”

Undyne flashed her teeth at us—it took a moment for me to realize she was smiling. She huffed out a hearty laugh. “Studying?! You really are nerds!” Before Alex could get annoyed, she said, “Hey, it’s not an insult. Alphy’s a nerd too, but she’s my nerd.” Alphys went red and gave a shy smile to Undyne. “Want to sit with them, Alphy?”

Alphys’ eyes got big. “Oh, I don’t know, we can, you know, we can do—”

“It’s a simple yes or no,” Undyne said. It was the first time she sounded like a Dom when talking to Alphys and the shorter woman noticed. She straightened up a little.

“Yes. Sure, we should sit.”

Undyne nodded approvingly. As we walked over to a couch, Alex and I looked over at each other and tried not to grin like idiots.

“So Alphys, what do you study?” Alex asked once we were seated.

“She’s in school,” Undyne responded. “See, back in the Underground, she was the Royal Scientist, but up here she’s gotta go to school all over again if she wants a human job.”

Royal. They had a monarchy.

Alex, though as interested as I was, was no anthropologist. The culture wasn’t so much her interest, which meant she didn’t ask the questions I thought of, but the ones she asked were interesting nonetheless.

“And what did you do?”

“I was Head of the Royal Guard.”

Royal Guard. Like knights? Undyne being some military type person was unsurprising, but considering Monsters were so nonviolent, it was hard to imagine an entire guard. Maybe they were more vicious than I thought.

“And how did you find out about Leather Lounge?”

“Alphy’s been reading about this kind of stuff since the Underground.”

“Undyne…” Alphys said nervously, clearly embarrassed.

“Hey, Alphy, it’s okay, they know you’re a nerd.” She turned back to Alex. “It’s like manga, but they have human sex in it.”

I was completely fascinated. They were reading hentai down in the Underground? What other human stuff did they have? Where did they get it?”

That wasn’t where Alex’s line of questioning went, however. “Human sex? Is sex different for Monsters?”

Undyne laughed. “Oh yeah, completely. It’s a long story, honestly.”

“I’ve got time.”

Undyne looked back to Alphys. “You understand it better than I do. You wanna explain?”

I thought she might not want to, but clearly talking about sex got her excited. “Oh, yes, yes, it’s very interesting! S-see, our form of intercourse is called Bonding.”

“How does it work?” Alex asked.

“It’s… it’s a little weird, but I can try to explain!” she said with a buck toothed grin. I smiled. There was something really sweet about her. “The magic within us sort of—sort of reaches out for each other. Unlike, um, you know, like sex, gender doesn’t make a difference. It’s our souls that touch. It’s—it’s hard to describe, honestly, but it’s not, it’s not as, you know, _erotic_ as human sex.”

“So Monsters can’t even have sex the way we think of it?”

“Um, no,” Alphys said, going a little pink. “We don’t have, you know, the parts.” I thought about all the Freakers in the world that would be heartbroken at this news and almost laughed. “But Monsters aren’t against… the um, you know, the more… _carnal_ pleasures,” she added, going from pink to red. “Our skin is still sensitive—more so than humans. We can get worked up into Bonding state really easily around someone we… um, someone we love.” She glanced over at Undyne, who flashed her a grin, and the red in her cheeks turned to purple.

Alex kept asking questions, which I was grateful for. Things had really gotten interesting now. “Does Bonding make more Monsters?”

“That’s where it gets more complicated,” Alphys said, wringing her claws together. “See, humans, they’re all the same species. You c-can all have, um, sex with one another using genitals and procreate like that. Monsters of the same type can procreate kind of like that. Migosps can Bond with other Migosps to make more Migosps. But me and Undyne, we’re not the same type of Monster. We can’t do that.”

Undyne cut in. “Some types of Monsters are more common than others. There, unfortunately, are a million Jerrys out there. But there’s only one Alphys and only one of me. There’s only two skeletons—”

“You know Papyrus and Sans?” Alex cut in.

“Hell yeah I do! Papy and I go way back, and Sans and Alphy used to work together.” Sans, that silly pun-filled skeleton, was a scientist? It was hard to picture. “How do you know them?” she added.

“Riley talked to Sans for a couple minutes once,” Alex said passively, waving her hand.

“We haven’t gotten together with them for a while,” Undyne said thoughtfully. “I should call, eh, Alphy? Papyrus would probably cry he’d be so happy to hear from me.”

“Making people cry is a bad thing, remember?” Alphys reminded her.

“Says you,” Undyne laughed.

* * *

 

It became a habit. They weren’t always there at the same time as us, but when they were, we’d sit down and talk while watching some sub get punished out of the corner of our eye. Eventually we got their phone numbers and started coordinating going on the same nights occasionally. When we met up with the express purpose of talking, we all agreed to leave the roleplaying out of it so we could all talk. On these nights, Alex and Alphys usually got to talking, as they both had a passion for anime that was a bit more intense than Undyne and I, who were a little more casual about it. So Undyne and I would be left to talk instead.

One night, in a moment of boldness, I’d suggested that we all reserve a room together sometime.

Half of me thought she’d pull a spear out from behind her eyepatch and skewer me for suggesting being in the same room as Alphys while they were Bonding.

But she looked pensive and very not homicidal at my suggestion. “I’m not sure how Bonding works with humans,” Undyne had mused. “But hey, no harm in trying someday, right?” She punched my arm playfully and it took a lot of willpower not to show how badly it’d hurt.

Then finals came and went and finally, it was summer. We met up with Undyne and Alphys that night. Alphys seemed a little less anxious than usual herself, clearly as pleased as we were that she was going to get a break. Undyne, who never studied for tests and ditched a lot, hadn’t been stressed out in the first place, but she still seemed excited for vacation.

“Tomorrow night we’re going out with some friends to celebrate,” Undyne told me. “Papy is dying to meet you guys. Want to come?”

I was so excited I felt like I would burst. I’d wanted to extend our tentative friendship outside the Lounge for months by then, but I didn’t want to cross any lines.

It was hard to act casual at her request. “What, you’ve been telling him about us?”

She rolled her eye. “Don’t get a big head, punk. He just started to wonder what had Alphy and I busy some nights. I should really thank you for getting us back in touch with those boys… but I’m not gonna!” She laughed raucously and I just chuckled, shaking my head. Undyne was something else.

“Well I’m sure I can speak for Alex too when I say we’d love to go.”

“Cool. I’ll tell Grillby we’ve got six. You know where Grillby’s is?”

I did, in fact. It was in one of the Monster Slums Alex and I walked through to get home from school. Though we hung out in Monster friendly establishments, they were human run. Grillby’s, being in the Slums, was probably Monster run. Full of only Monster patrons.

I wanted to squeal with exhilaration. Would it be offensive to take a notebook with me? Probably, but I felt like I was going to want to take notes.

“Yeah, we know where it is.”

“Perfect. Meet us there around six tomorrow, alright?”

“Sounds good.”

She grinned at me with her yellow fangs. “I can’t wait to see the stupid look on Papy’s face when he meets you.”


	5. Grillby's

Alex and I headed into the Monster Slum where Grillby’s could be found, which had the sign New Snowdin nailed into the ground by the street sign. I’d assumed long ago that they must’ve named the area after a place from home, but maybe tonight I could ask someone the story behind it so I knew for sure.

And to think none of this could have been possible if I hadn’t run straight into Undyne by accident.

I was thanking the heavens for my occasional clumsiness when Alex started telling me something stupid Marco had said earlier that day.

I was laughing when someone said, “See? Laughs! Dad was wrong!” We looked over and saw what looked like a blue bird wearing a mask.

We stared for a second, uncomprehending. And then—what the hell, I decided—I said, “Yeah he was!”

It smiled at me and we kept walking.

Once Grillby’s was in view, we found that Undyne, Alphys, and Papyrus were waiting outside for us.

“And there the punks are now!” said Undyne.

Papyrus turned around, his mouth open so wide that I thought his jaw might unhinge. “HUMANS!”

He ran over and picked us both up in a surprisingly painful hug. “Oh, humans, what a wonderful thing it is to meet very cool people. You must be so excited, for I, The Great Papyrus, am as cool as it gets!”

He put us down and neither of us seemed to know what to say. Seeing as I’d already sat and listened to him babble for an hour before, I shouldn’t have been surprised, but his energy still managed to startle me. Not to mention he towered a foot and a half over me and had no skin.

“And you are Alex and Riley!” he added. “Let me guess. You are Alex, and you are Riley.”

“Other way around,” Alex said.

“Oh—yes, of course! It was a test! You got it right! Congratulations!” Before either of us could even think about replying, he leaned in close, saying, “Now I have a very important question for you. It is the difference between us being friends and us being not friends, and I am far too popular to risk not being friends with. Are you ready?”

Alex and I looked to each other blankly for a moment before I turned back and said, “Uh, yup. Ready.”

He leaned in again when I swore he couldn’t get any closer without trying to kiss me and I instinctively backed up an inch at having someone so far into my personal space. “How… do you feel… about… _puzzles_?”

I blinked in confusion. Like, 500 piece puzzles? Crossword puzzles? Sudoku?

I glanced over at Undyne, who looked like she was trying not to laugh. Great. _Super_ helpful.

I looked to Alphys instead, who, once I made eye contact, nodded fervently.

“Uh, yeah,” I said. “Who doesn’t like puzzles?”

His empty sockets got huge and his grin, if possible, widened. “WOWIE! Undyne, your friends are even cooler than you described! You said nothing about their affinity for puzzles!”

“What, you think I’ve got uncool friends? Yeah right!” I looked at Alphys gratefully and she gave me a thumbs up. “Now where’s your damn brother?” she added. “I don’t want to wait for him out here forever.”

“Oh, _that_ lazybones. He’s not coming.”

I couldn’t help my disappointment. As the first Monster that’d ever gone out of his way to talk to me, I kind of wanted to see him again. Not to mention I had a certain appreciation for bad jokes that he clearly shared.

“So wait,” Undyne said, “let me get this straight. Alphys and I came all the way from New Hotland, _way_ on the other side of town, and went to Sans’ favorite restaurant… just for him not to walk down the street to come eat with us?”

“He said his favorite show was on,” Papyrus said. “Granted, that was a little confusing, seeing as the TV wasn’t on…”

“No,” Undyne said. “Not happening.” She started stomping down the street.

“Undyne!” Alphys ran after her. “Wait, wait, don’t bother him!”

“He’s bothering me, so I get to bother him!” she growled.

“Instead of barging in,” she suggested quickly, “why don’t you, um, just try calling? You never know, you know, what a p-person does. In their alone t-time.”

Undyne looked down at her in frustration before sighing heavily. “Okay. Fine. But if he says no, I’m going in there and beating the shit out of him.” Before Alphys could protest, Undyne got out her phone and dialed.

“Put it on speaker!” Papyrus requested. “I must also berate him for releasing poop onto the party!”

It rang for long enough that I thought it would go to voicemail, but then that oh so familiar unearthly deep voice answered. I didn’t really notice before, but he had a bit of an accent. Kind of New York-ish? “You’ve reached Sans’ tele **bone** , Sans speaking. May I ask who’s calling?”

“You know who it is, you nimrod,” Undyne snapped. “You have caller ID.”

“Ah, yes, I knew my **collar** bone was tingling.”

I giggled for a second before covering my mouth, knowing Undyne would kill me if she heard me laughing. Not to mention Papyrus was holding his head and groaning quietly as if the puns were physically painful.

“Sans, get your ass to Grillby’s right now,” said Undyne.

“I’d possibly be more willing if you **ass** ked nicely.”

Unending. They were infinite. How did he not run out?

“Sans, Riley and Alex are here to meet you and _I am going to pummel you into the ground_ _if you don’t come._ ”

There was a long pause. Then, with a creepily bland voice, he said, “I wouldn’t if I were you.”

Alex and I looked at each other uneasily, but the others didn’t seem to notice how dangerous he’d sounded for a second. Undyne rolled an eye. “Get here in the next half hour, funny boy. I mean it.”

She hung up.

“C-Can we go inside now?” Alphys asked anxiously, tugging on the bottom of her red tank top.

“Nothing else I can do now, I guess,” Undyne sighed.

“Apologies for my brother,” Papyrus said to me. “He is sometimes a stick caught in mud.”

And we all headed inside.

Grillby’s appeared to be a bar, which had a card table where some dogs were playing poker and a billiards table occupied by a bear and a decapitated bunny head. On top of that, all the tables were full of all manner of Monster—save one table in the corner, which had a golden ‘reserved’ sign in the middle of it.

“Grillby!” called Undyne. A Monster behind the counter—who made me double take because I thought he was on fire before I realized that he _was_ fire—looked up. He had a curiously attractive face for a flame. He set down the glass he was wiping so he could gesture to the table mutely. “Thanks man!”

We made our way across the restaurant. Part of me expected it to be like the movies, where it went dead silent and everyone stared.

It wasn’t like that at all.

The closest to a negative reaction we got was one Monster who blinked and tilted his head, but a moment later he grinned. Monsters smiled and waved, some spoke. Many said hi to Papyrus, whom they presumably knew best because he lived in the area. A lot of them were kind of reminiscent of dogs, I was noticing, but I’d never noticed there being a lot of dog Monsters when I was out in Monster friendly establishments. Maybe they all came to this bar? But why?

We all sat down and the empty seat ended up between me and Papyrus. Undyne said Sans was going to come, but I doubted it. He’d sounded pretty unhappy on the phone. And though Undyne talked big, I knew Alphys would convince her out of going to get him when his half hour was up.

That was alright, I decided. I didn’t intend for this to be my last time with this group.

“So, New Snowdin, huh?” I asked. “Was Snowdin a town in the Underground?”

“Oh yes!” Papyrus said. “The very coolest town!”

“Whatever,” Undyne scoffed. “Waterfall was way nicer as long as you stayed _far_ away from Tem Village.”

Alphys leaned in between the argument that ensued over which town was better and said to me, “When we got to the surface, a good number of Monsters settled here because it was the first town we ran into, you know? I know lots that went f-farther, but our group decided to stay. This is where Frisk is from anyway, and we didn’t want to be too far from them. But all us Monsters who stayed here ended up naming our neighborhoods after the towns we were from so we could keep the same neighbors. That’s why Undyne and I live in New Hotland, because that’s where I was from. She, um, she insisted I get to be where I wanted,” she added, going red. “She’s, she’s t-too good to me.” She went silent for a moment, grinning. “And Sans and Papyrus,” she continued, “lived in Snowdin. Mostly the furrier Monsters lived there, since it was so cold, but Sans and Papyrus, you know, don’t have skin. So they don’t get cold.”

I nodded in interest, but kept from asking any other questions. I didn’t want it to feel like an interview, like so many of my conversations with them had in the past. It was just so hard not to be curious.

Eventually Grillby came back with menus, handing one to everyone but Papyrus. He held out a flaming finger as he dug into his pocket and then set down a piece of paper. It was wrinkled, rimmed with finger-shaped burn marks, and said in sloppy handwriting:

_Papyrus Menu_

_Spaghetti – 50G_

I looked at my own menu and found that this place had burgers, fries, and hot dogs.

But judging from the wear on Papyrus’ fake menu, he’d taken offence to their lack of spaghetti long ago.

“ _There_ he is!” Undyne suddenly exclaimed. “Fucking finally!”

I turned around and quickly turned back, inexplicably nervous. I’d recognize those white specs of eyes and baring teeth of a grin anywhere.

Sans came after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading so far! I hope you guys are enjoying it.


	6. Permission

I reminded myself that I’d met him a long time ago and he definitely wouldn’t remember me. While he looked distinctive enough that it was impossible for me not to recognize him, humans likely all looked the same to him.

“Grillby,” he called from the door, “lookin’ **hot** today.”

I grinned. I ought to have started a counter on his puns.

“Argh!” Papyrus muttered softly. “It never stops!”

Presumably they lived together, and I supposed I could see puns getting old… but I didn’t think even his overuse could take away my partiality towards puns.

He sat down in the empty chair across from Undyne, who gestured to Alex as she introduced her. Then she said my name and gestured to me.

Sans turned to shake my hand and froze, staring at me with larger white pupils than usual.

Then his gaping maw of a grin turned genuinely pleased. If I didn’t know any better…

“I like your laugh,” he immediately said.

I grinned, flattered that he recognized me. And of course I had to reply, “Is that your idea of a pickup line?”

His nearly empty gaze felt somehow warm and he grabbed my hand. His hand was hard—stiffer than flesh, but not quite as solid as a bone and warmer than I expected. “Riley?” he repeated.

“Yeah. Sans?”

“Yup. Good to officially meet you, kid.”

I didn’t like being called kid on any other occasion, but there was something right about Sans doing it. I really didn’t mind. Also, I wasn’t absolutely sure, but I thought that it might have been the first full sentence he said to me that didn’t include a pun.

A historic moment indeed.

Papyrus asked Sans what he had been watching that had him so busy and Sans described in detail his own reflection in the empty television as I finally got a good look at the menu.

I had no idea how the prices converted. A burger was 100G and fries were 70G so I really hoped that 1G wasn’t equivalent to one dollar. If a hot dog were eighty dollars, I’d be a little concerned.

I looked up to Alex to ask, but as I tried to get her attention, I realized Sans was watching me. I looked over and his bright pupils regarded me in what seemed to be amusement—it was hard to read a face that always smiled.

“Our gold isn’t equal to a dollar,” he said. “It’s more equivalent to a Mexican Peso, according to the banks. **Taco** ‘bout a rip off, right?”

I had been drinking water, somehow not expecting the joke, and ended up almost spit-taking on Undyne. Sans guffawed, slapping my back in what was either an attempt to help or in hopes I might still spit on her.

Grillby came over and took our orders, but it was hard to know who he wanted to talk first, since he seemed to be mute and had no eyes to indicate where his eye contact lied. As he held his notebook and pen aloft to write our orders down, they slowly began to smoke and melt respectively, like his temperature was oh so gradually turning them to charcoal in his grasp.

He didn’t seem to notice.

Everyone but Sans ordered something. He sat back in his seat, putting his feet up on the chair next to him and saying he filled up on ketchup earlier that day. I couldn’t tell if he was kidding or not.

Grillby came back with pretty good looking burgers while Papyrus had microwavable spaghetti—Lean Cuisine from the look of it. He was definitely overcharged for it, but he kept talking about how good it was, so I didn’t think he minded.

I learned during the conversation that Sans and Papyrus were also students, but Sans went to class less than Undyne and Papyrus was mostly a student in hopes he could finagle his way onto the football team.

“The humans say if we get these degrees, they’ll give us human jobs,” Undyne scoffed, “but I doubt they mean it. They’re taking all our savings and we’re gonna end up just as unemployed afterwards as we were before.”

“Unfortunately,” Alex cut in, “that happens to humans too.”

We took that moment to explain how college didn’t guarantee a job for even the most qualified human and they complained indignantly that the Underground functioned much better.

I couldn’t help but wonder, the more they talked about what it was like down there, why they ever wanted to leave. The society they built had been so much more peaceful and well run than this one.

I eventually asked what made them want to come to the surface.

It was Undyne who replied. “So imagine you live in a house you love for a long time and your realtor just sells it, no questions asked, and makes you move into the place next door. Even if the second house is nicer than the first, you’re always going to want that first one back, because it was yours. We feel like something that was ours was stolen from us.”

She had a point. I wasn’t sure how long the Monsters had been in the Underground, but it was open information that they claimed to have once lived here and were driven away by the humans. Not everyone I knew believed the story, but Alex and I always had. I wouldn’t put it past people to make them leave for being different.

“Plus,” Alphys added, “seeing an actual, you know, sky is really nice.”

“True,” Undyne agreed. “The first time I saw the sun, I couldn’t believe Frisk would ever leave a place like this.”

It was probably the fourth time I heard mention of Frisk, whom they spoke about as if they were a native to earth. Did they have a human friend? I wondered what they might be like.

Dinner went by quickly with all of them lightheartedly yelling over each other to get their points across. Eventually Alex moved her chair to the end by Alphys and they started nerding out over some anime with robots in it and Papyrus and Undyne were bickering again.

It left Sans to look over to me.

“Anthropology, huh?” he asked, resting his face on his hand. “No wonder you wanted to see me so badly.”

I chuckled. “My brand of anthro doesn’t get anywhere near bones. I study modern cultures.”

“Then were you just feeling **bone** ly without me?”

I shook my head, smiling. “Hey, it was Undyne that threatened you into coming, not me.”

“Ha!” he said dryly. “Undyne didn’t force me into nothin’.”

“It just didn’t seem like you wanted to come at all, and now here you are…” I said pointedly.

“Oh, no, ask Paps, I was just being lazy,” he said easily. I narrowed my eyes at him because I didn’t believe him. Sure, Papyrus’ nickname for him was Lazybones, but he’d clearly not even been doing anything when Undyne called and who refused an invitation to a place halfway down the street with nothing better to do? It felt like I was missing something. He quickly added, “It’s good I came. I don’t get out as often as I probably should.”

“Even for school,” I said, almost sounding reproachful.

“Eh, I just need to finish my Physics degree and I already know all that stuff,” he said passively. I forgot he was a scientist, which Undyne had said in passing yesterday. “So,” he said, seemingly not liking keeping the subject on himself, “you said you study modern cultures.”

“Uh, yeah,” I responded. “Just the intricacies of how a society functions.”

“The Monster community must be fascinating to you then. It’s certainly different than any human societies you’ve seen.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool,” I admitted. “I wish I could put you guys in my blog,” I added shyly.

Even without eyebrows, I could tell that one brow ridge twitched up in interest. “You have a blog?”

“About the different cultures of cities. I like to give voices to communities that sometimes don’t have one.”

He stared for a long moment, his pupils tiny specks. “Well you came to the right place then, didn’t you?”

Looking at Sans, this total jokester, and watching him despise the oppression of his people was more intense than I thought it would be. It was so much worse because somehow I could tell that he didn’t care for himself—he wanted his friends to be happy. His family, his neighbors.

“I didn’t come here to get a story,” I told him after a moment. And it was true. There was an instinct inside me to look for one, but I was here because I liked Undyne and Alphys, because I wanted to spend time with their friends.

Because I’d wanted to officially meet the skeleton that managed to get under my skin within a minute of meeting him.

“Why didn’t you?” he asked after a moment. “If that’s what you write about, we’re gold to you.”

I wished he’d go back to puns. Something about his empty dark eyes made me feel like my sins were crawling on my back. He saw inside me and he knew that I’d only befriended Undyne in the first place for my story, and the fact that I no longer felt that way was irrelevant. He was still smiling physically but he was _definitely not smiling._

And just like that, he was relaxed again. His smile looked genuine, the orbs in his sockets were bright and teasing. Like I’d imagined it. “Well hey, I think you should write it.”

I blinked, still trying to calm down from how wound up he’d just gotten me. “You do?” I asked dumbly.

“Hell yeah. It’d be nice to clear up some confusion, you know? And now you’ve got all of us as primary resources—it’d be **sans** ational.”

“I don’t think many people are going to be reading it,” I said. “My blog’s not exactly popular.”

“Well, I can tell you this much,” Sans said. “Everyone in New Snowdin’s gonna read it.”

I grinned. “Deal.”


	7. Beginnings

Sans told everyone in the group that I was going to start a blog about Monsters and they were pretty thrilled to hear it. Papyrus immediately started to tell me about how he once got two likes on a picture he put on Undernet and how it was because he was very popular. The statement in itself was baffling, but then it opened up a conversation about Undernet, since apparently they had both the internet and social media underground. Which seemed completely impossible.

Undyne told me about how the Royal Guard functioned, and when I asked what kind of things they were guarding against when Monsters were so non-violent, she went awkwardly silent and Alphys cut in stammeringly about the Core, which had kept the entire Underground running. Papyrus told me then how it was tradition to create complicated mind games that they called puzzles—Ah! His question before now made sense!—as extra protection. _Protection from what?_ I wanted to ask, but they clearly didn’t want to talk about that part and I didn’t want to immediately ask questions that were too probing.

Undyne then tried to draw a picture of what Waterfall, the town she was from, looked like, but it looked like complete gibberish.

“Maybe w-we should, um, ask an Astigmatism to draw it instead?” Alphys suggested timidly.

“What, I’m just as good at drawing as any Astigmatism!” Undyne said indignantly. “It’s just because it’s on a napkin, and this pen sucks!” Alex, who had supplied the pen, looked ready to bust up laughing.

Alphys went red. “Well. I mean. I only m-mean. Um…”

“You’re shit at drawing, Undyne, face it,” Sans cut in, putting his hands behind his head in a leisurely manner.

“She is not!” Papyrus said crossly. “I, The Great Papyrus, endorse her as greatest artist in all the world! She has been teaching me to draw recently and I am making great strides! I drew myself with swole biceps yesterday.”

Sans didn’t acknowledge Papyrus—probably not even sure what to say to his ridiculous brother—and continued to watch Undyne, who looked ready to jump over the table and kill him. Then he said easily, “Well, if you can draw a picture without burning a house down, that means you’re a better artist than you are a chef.”

Undyne rolled an eye, looking to me and saying, “I swear, you burn your house down one time and you never hear the end of it.” She kept staring at me like she expected me to defend her, but I was pretty lost. After no defense was forthcoming, she looked back to Sans. “Oh, come on, it wasn’t even me, technically.”

“Right, of course, it was totally _Frisk’s_ idea to boil the spaghetti water at two thousand degrees.”

“Frisk is very, very hardcore,” Papyrus agreed. “I wouldn’t put it past them.”

“Hey, g-guys, none of this is super relevant to a blog about Monsters…”

Nobody cared what Alphys had to say. The three of them started to argue about whose fault it was that Undyne’s house once burned to the ground while she was cooking spaghetti. This mysterious Frisk was mentioned over and over, but I couldn’t pin anything about the person other than conclusive proof that they were a human from something Papyrus said. Which meant a human had been in the Underground. How’d that happen?

I learned a lot more than I expected to just from listening to them all talk to each other. Their casual conversation about home told me endless factoids about how things had functioned down there. Apparently there had been a trash dump in Waterfall where human artifacts could be found. Alphys had been watching anime since before she moved to the surface, so they clearly had ways to watch movies. Undyne nonchalantly mentioned something having happened two hundred and fifty years ago that they all remembered, so I figured they aged a lot slower than humans—if at all.

We spent the rest of dinner talking about the Underground and I hoped that Alex’s Underling nature was enough to keep her from being bored as Alphys described how food was absorbed in the Monster’s body so efficiently that they had no waste product as a result of eating.

When we finally meandered towards the door, it was because Grillby was closing up. I hadn’t checked the hours on my way in and I hadn’t looked at my phone in a while, so I had no idea how late it was until I got outside and noticed that the streets were vacant and the windows were dark. Alex and I had walked through this very Slum as late as midnight and there was still some activity.

Turned out we’d sat in there until almost two in the morning.

In hindsight, it made sense that Grillby was open so late, since his place was a bar, but it hadn’t occurred to me that it was possible to sit in a restaurant for eight hours without getting bored.

Then again, I’d groaned at the stiffness in my limbs when I stood along with the rest of them, so I probably should’ve known.

“Aren’t you working the morning shift?” I asked Alex.

“Yeah,” she replied, “but whatever. Like you need to be awake to sell clothes.”

“You sell clothes? Are they extremely cool clothes?” inquired Papyrus.

“Um, I mean, I wouldn’t say they’re _not_ cool,” Alex responded. “I work at a Kohl’s near campus.”

“Really?” he asked. “I work at the pet store next door.”

I blinked. No way. It was hard as hell for a Monster to get a job in this town. Alphys got lucky with some low-paying freelance online work with a research organization that didn’t give a shit about what species you were so long as you were qualified, but I’d never even seen a Monster working at a gas station, not in Ebott.

Alex was clearly similarly shocked, since it took her a moment to respond. “It’s called Pet Tree, right?”

“Yes!”

It occurred to me that I’d noticed the place. It was a tiny mom and pop’s adoption center that I sometimes walked past to get to the Chipotle on the other side when I had short breaks between classes.

How long had I been passing right by Papyrus without even knowing it?

“I’ll have to come visit you sometime,” Alex told him.

“Oh yes, that would be very cool indeed! You must be so star-struck, knowing you can spend so much quality time with me! Here, I must give you my cell phone number so you may hit me upwards on occasion.”

We started exchanging numbers until I had _THE GREAT PAPYRUS_ and _sans 8D_ in my address book.

Alphys and Undyne were on their way to the subway station. Since Alex and I had to walk past it to get home, we were already going to walk them there, but Papyrus insisted on being our escort so we all got there safely.

Part of me didn’t think he could protect us from a fly… but the other half wondered if sheer will alone was enough to do impossible feats. If it was, Papyrus could do anything.

“Yeah, that sounds pretty far,” Sans said. “Nice to see you again though,” he added to me.

“Yeah,” I responded. “I’m sure we’ll meet again.”

“Feel it in your **bones**?” he asked. Wow, _that_ was the lame pun I’d given him when we first met, huh? I could’ve done better.

“Hey, I’m not gonna even try to be funny with a skele **pun** like you around.”

Papyrus groaned. “Oh, not you too!”

Sans and I grinned at each other, I gave him a quick wave, and the rest of us went to the substation.

“Why not call the Riverperson?” asked Papyrus. I didn’t know what he was talking about, but I felt like I had asked enough questions that night.

“Alphy gets sick when she rides that thing,” Undyne said. “The subway’s good enough, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” Alphys replied, smiling.

When we got there, Undyne, for the first time, hugged me. It wasn’t as tight as Papyrus’ squeeze had been, but it somehow felt more aggressive. She swooped in quickly and backed off like she didn’t want someone to catch her being nice.

She was so ridiculous sometimes.

“It was wonderful to meet you, humans!” Papyrus declared, giving us each a painful hug. “And fear not, I, the Great Papyrus, shall bless you with my presence soon enough!”

And he skipped off in the direction of his apartment.

“You shouldn’t have given him your numbers,” Undyne said. “He’ll never stop texting you. Trust me. _I know_.”

“You know, I’m kind of okay with that,” I replied.


	8. Lunch

Summer passed with little event. Alex and I continued to spend time with the group of Monsters we befriended. In late August, a couple weeks before my first semester of senior year started, I had enough pre-prepared entries that I decided to start writing about Monsters on my blog. Classes began and it was more of the same. Alex and I had found that our human friends were boring in comparison to their company. We let those friendships wither away without regret.

My earliest class this semester was at noon and I worked late shifts at a local sandwich joint most weeknight evenings, so I slept in late. Pretty much everyone knew it was no use texting me before ten for emergencies, before one for anything else.

So when I woke up at five past eleven with five text messages, I was concerned something really bad had happened. I shot up in my bed and opened it up…

And it was definitely not from who I expected it to be from.

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (5:13am): THE ALEX HAS INFORMED ME THAT YOU DO NOT WORK OR HAVE SCHOOL IN THE MORNINGS._

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (6:22am): YOU MUST BE A LATE SLEEPER. I CAN WAIT._

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (7:19am): IT’S NOT GOOD TO NAP ALL DAY. SANS DOES IT TOO. I CAN’T GET HIM OUT OF BED BEFORE THREE MOST DAYS. WHAT A LAZYBONES._

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (9:06am): WE ARE PASSING UP THE TIME AT WHICH BREAKFAST IS USUALLY APPROPRIATE, SO I NEED YOU TO WAKE UP NOW._

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (9:54am): WE CAN MAKE IT LUNCH IF YOU PREFER._

I shook my head at the series of texts, baffled.

I typed out the response, “What, is your phone stuck on caps lock?” before thinking better of it and changing my response.

_Riley (11:07am): I can have lunch with you after my noon class. Want to meet in the quad at one?_

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (11:07am): THAT IS TOO SOON. I NEED TO PICK OUT AN OUTFIT._

I huffed out a laugh. What, he needed two hours to get dressed? I took a quick shower before replying.

_Riley (11:15am): Hey, no dressing up necessary. I’m wearing jeans and a tee shirt._

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (11:15am): I MUST LOOK MY VERY COOLEST WHEN ON CAMPUS IF I AM TO MAKE THE FOOTBALL TEAM._

_Riley (11:26am): Then how about this. There’s a good Italian place near New Hotland. Nobody from school will see you there. But I need a half hour to get there, so it’ll be one thirty instead of one, okay?_

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (11:26am): GREAT I’LL LEAVE NOW._

I figured there was no point in telling him not to do it.

Lunch with Papyrus. Was I going to regret this?

* * *

 

I was surprised he asked in the first place. According to Alex, he’d made a habit of visiting her at work in the past couple weeks and they ate together a lot, so I didn’t think he’d go out of his way to get ahold of me instead.

In class, I was distracted by writing a new blog post. I saved the prewritten ones for times when I was too busy to write a new one, and I decided that having class wasn’t a good enough excuse.

I was writing this one about Vulkin commune homes both back in the Underground and on the surface, since they were apparently very social creatures that didn’t like to be alone.

Sans was right about Monsters reading my blog. My blog that had once had twenty-three consistent followers now had 567, and when I looked at the names and pictures, I found that it was nearly all Monsters. I thought maybe they were just going to take one look because they were happy someone was finally writing about them, but they all came back for more. They commented a lot and thanked me a ton and even said they would love to tell me more about the Underground. I’d interviewed with seven Monsters just in the past two weeks. I used to post once a week, but the Monsters were so excited for the next post that I’d gotten to posting about three times a week.

I’d started writing about Monsters based on my own intrigue, but I realized only a couple days after that I’d stumbled upon something a lot more important than that.

Writing hadn’t been a popular pastime in the Underground. Not even half of the population could read proficiently and books were all educational other than the ones that dropped down from the surface into Waterfall. Otherwise the average populace’s knowledge of reading was functional—they could read basic signs and menus. It just hadn’t been important when living down there. They learned to do more practical things in school.

Once they came up to the surface and realized how much we read up here, the Monsters that could read taught the ones that couldn’t, but even so, writing was impossible for many Monsters. Chary, a Pyrope, managed to leave me a comment once and I sat there baffled, wondering how they possibly managed that when Pyropes don’t have arms.

So even though it would make more sense for a Monster to write a blog like this, most Monsters were only just learning to write—and even so, none of them had ever written creatively before. They wanted a voice, but they couldn’t supply it themselves, at least not so soon.

And now I was seemingly the only one that was willing to do it.

I was halfway done with my post by the time class got out and I wrote a rough draft of the rest on my phone while I was on the subway. I told Papyrus I’d meet him outside the currently under construction MTT Resort.

When I got there, I figured he would already be there, but he wasn’t. Hadn’t he left two hours ago? Had I told him the wrong place? Had he gotten bored of waiting and just left?

I was sitting there mystified by it for barely a minute before—

Okay, before I tell you what happened, I want you to understand something about Monster Slums. I said that most Monsters can’t write because of a lack of arms. Now think about how cars work. They would need humanoid arms _and_ legs to get a car to function and the number of Monsters that could manage that was low. Not to mention they would need to be a good size for a car, and most Monsters were either really tall or super tiny. As for humans, most of them avoid Monster Slums like the plague. Because of these factors combined, no cars drove through Slums. Stands set up on either sidewalk went halfway into the road and Monsters walked in the middle of the street and it was never a problem.

So when I saw a vehicle going quickly through the street in my peripherals, I panicked. Was some human trying to drive through and destroy everything?

But when I shot up from my bench and turned to look at the incoming object, it definitely wasn’t a car.

What appeared to be a thin, long, wooden dog was running quickly through the street. At the front was a hooded figure and in the back was Papyrus, waving as he saw me. The dog skidded to a halt, its legs seeming to shrivel up so it just became a long wooden plank with a dog head on the front.

Papyrus hopped off. “Thank you very much, Riverperson!”

“Call again some time. Tra la la.”

I watched, mouth agape, as the dog regrew its legs and sprinted away, agilely avoiding the many stands in its way.

“Human!” Papyrus said. Before I could turn to him, he picked me up in another of his bone-cracking hugs. Even after getting three months’ worth of them by now, I couldn’t get used to them. “I apologize for my tardiness. Sans hid all my pants and it took me hours to find the right pair!”

Once he let go, I looked at his pants—AKA a pair of blue underwear with a gold belt—and I privately thought they looked the same as every other pair he ever wore. To be honest, I’d thought he only owned two pairs of pants—this blue speedo and a pair of orange running shorts (which were almost as short as the blue pair). He also traded between what looked like white armor and tee shirts, depending on the day. He’d gone for the armor today, but it was not uncommon to see him in tee shirts where both the stomach and sleeves were cut off that said various ridiculous phrases like “YOLO” and “Cool Story Bro”. His ever-present orange scarf never made his attire appear any more modest.

In fact, if he were a human woman, society would likely call him a slut. Which was a bit ironic, considering he was the least sexual creature I could imagine.

Before I could think of a response, he said, “You have changed the color of your hair! I enjoy it!”

I had to re-dye my hair pretty frequently, since bright colors wash out a lot. Before it had been red, purple, and orange, but now I changed the red to magenta and the orange to blue.  

I was kind of surprised he noticed that I changed it.

“Oh, thank you,” I told him.

“You of course realized that my pulling off of orange is superior to your own and took it out. I understand your feeling of inadequacy, but fear not, human, this blue suits you better.”

Most of the time, when Papyrus made ridiculous, completely untrue assumptions, I just let it happen. There was no point in bursting his bubble.

“Well I’m glad you like it,” I told him before starting to walk. “This place is pretty close to the eastern border of New Hotland.”

“And they… you know… don’t mind if I come in?”

There was a sharp pain in my chest. Of course I knew that many places were not Monster Friendly, but it had never truly occurred to me that a sweet guy like Papyrus would be disallowed from restaurants. Had he at one point, not knowing any better, walked into one and been immediately kicked out? Did they yell slurs at him? Had he blown it off, or had it made him sad?

“I don’t go to any restaurants that aren’t Monster Friendly,” I told him gently.

“You won’t meet many cool people otherwise,” he told me matter-of-factly.

I grinned up at him. “Damn straight. Who needs ‘em?”

The only thing about it that made me a little sad was that I didn’t eat Taco Bell anymore and I craved it at least once a week, but it didn’t seem right to give them money to be bigots with.

We got to the Italian place and were seated. We ordered the moment we sat down because I was a regular and Papyrus obviously didn’t need to look at the menu to know what he wanted. I got a glass of wine and asked Papyrus if he wanted to try it, biting my tongue to keep from grinning at the reaction I knew he would have. 

“I love juice!” he declared. Then he took a sip and made a displeased face, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “Oh, yucky! That’s not good at all!”

I laughed so hard I snorted, which left me embarrassed and him cackling.

Once his final ‘nyeh’ died out, he leaned forward significantly. “I must warn you, I wanted to get together over something very serious.”

I raised a brow. “Okay…”

“You probably don’t know that I spent much of yesterday reading your blog.”

I almost laughed. “Anonymous” had left entirely caps locked comments to every single entry about how there was a missing element about a very cool skeleton.

“Uh, actually, I kind of figured it was you,” I responded.

“You’re right, it must have been obvious,” he said. “Nobody else would have such cool things to say.”

“Right,” I agreed dryly.

“But I couldn’t help but notice that a very important entry is missing from your blog.”

“What, about a very cool skeleton?” I asked.

“This is not about me!” he said, insulted. “This is about all of the Underground! This is about culture! Art! The integrity of our world!”

I nodded. “Sounds important.”

“Very!” he agreed.

“So what is it?” I prompted.

“Well, human, you don’t have any entries about puzzles!”

This was not what I expected. I thought whatever he was going to say would be silly, but puzzles had been intriguing me for weeks now. They’d now been mentioned casually by three different Monsters (besides Papyrus) and nobody seemed to want to talk about them. I had thought before other Monsters mentioned them that it was just something Papyrus was into, but it seemed like it was an integral part of how their society had worked. It probably deserved an entry.

“I would have already written one,” I told Papyrus, “but I don’t know enough about them.” I figured the bait was obvious enough.

His eye sockets got huge. “I have just had an idea!”

“Alright, what is it?” I asked with a smirk.

“I can tell you about puzzles and then you can write about them in your blog!”

“Good idea,” I said. “I wish I had thought of it. I’m just not as cool as you.”

“True,” he said solemnly. “But it’s possible it will eventually rub off on you.”

The smile I gave him this time was genuine. Papyrus was one of the biggest losers I had ever met… but yeah. He was cool. Really cool. His confidence was charming and his smiles were contagious. He thought he was the shit and because he bothered to be in your presence, that made you the shit too. And underneath it all, there was this overwhelming kindness that no amount of arrogance could disguise.

“I can only hope that’s true,” I told him, and this time I meant it.


	9. Puzzles

Papyrus and I talked about puzzles until our waiter very pointedly asked if we were getting anything else and we left. I only then realized that I had missed my only other Wednesday class, but I didn’t mention it to Papyrus. Ditching every once in a while was good for stress levels.

Which is what I liked to tell myself about once a week.

“I would like to draw you a few diagrams,” he told me. “There’s this wonderful puzzle that Alphys designed. Sans and I never got the chance to use it, unfortunately, but it was quite fun!”

“I’d love to see them,” I replied. “We could go to a coffee shop if you want.”

“No, I’ll need my crayons for this one. It’s color-coded, you see. We’ll have to get the Riverperson to take us back to New Snowdin.”

“And how do you call them?”

Papyrus looked over with an eyebrow up. “With a phone, silly.”

He got out his phone and told the Riverperson to meet them in front of the MTT-Brand Burger Emporium in Ebott in ten minutes.

We had to walk into New Hotland, since the Riverperson didn’t pick people up outside of Monster areas.

“Back in the Underground,” Papyrus said, “they only came to designated areas, and they only ran on water. But now that they have to work in so many cities, they’ve upgraded to a phone and their boat has gotten some shoes to protect from hurting its paws.”

Wait. So many cities? Was Papyrus implying that this same Riverperson came to the call of _any_ Monster, no matter where they lived? That wasn’t possible… was it?

The Riverperson appeared right on time, bolting through the streets and sliding to a stop right in front of us.

The boat really did have shoes. I didn’t notice before, but the feet were not carved paws, but little wooden tennis shoes.

“You call and I answer. Tra la la.”

I wasn’t sure what was up with the ‘tra la la’ thing, but they had a soothing sort of voice that didn’t really indicate a gender. The Riverperson was officially on my list of ‘people who can read the dictionary to me’ along with Morgan Freeman, Sans, and Benedict Cumberbatch.

Papyrus stepped on and I did too, standing close to him and resisting the urge to grab onto his arm—I’d seen how fast this thing goes.

“Where will we go today?”

“We’ll be going to New Snowdin, please.”

“Then we’re off.”

When the platform beneath my feet slowly rose, I braced myself to be nearly thrown off… but once we started to move and everything blurred past, I didn’t feel as if I were moving at all, like if I were in a car. There wasn’t even a breeze.

We zipped through the street and ended up at the edge of New Hotland within a couple seconds…

And then, momentarily, everything went black right before reappearing. It took me a moment to orient myself… but suddenly we were running through New Waterfall.

Even at the speed we were going, it’d take at least ten minutes without a lick of traffic. Clearly they used magic to transport between Slums.

“Tra la la. Beware the soul that itches for freedom.”

For a second I thought I had heard them wrong. I took a moment to try to process it, to make sure that I had indeed heard what I thought I had. Then I asked, “Huh?”

At that point the Riverperson answered their phone, probably getting another call for a ride.

We flashed through New Waterfall and ended up in New Snowdin, stopping in front of a small motel called Snowed Inn—ha, cute. What, did Sans name all the buildings?

“Call again some time. Tra la la.”

I watched him bolt away, still blinking in confusion. Then I turned to Papyrus and asked, “What was that thing they just said?”

“Oh, the Riverperson says weird things sometimes,” he said passively.

I wasn’t sure a warning about souls was something I would describe as ‘weird’. Maybe eerie? Or perhaps full on frightening. “Can you give me some examples?” I asked.

“Well he told me once to beware the soul with a cowboy hat and I never even ended up meeting that human. Sans didn’t seem to like him though.” He shrugged.

I didn’t really know what any of it meant, but it sounded like that warning hadn’t really come to anything, so this one probably wouldn’t either. Maybe the Riverperson wasn’t all there. I decided I was thinking about it too much and let it go.

We walked back to his apartment and found Sans sitting on the couch with three empty bottles of ketchup strewn around him and a laptop sitting on his lap that he was watching some cartoon on, from what I could see. He didn’t look up when we walked in.

“Sans!” Papyrus complained. “You’re a complete mess! You’re going to need to bleach your face again if you keep eating so sloppy!” He did in fact have some specs of ketchup on his face.

“Eh,” Sans grunted.

“This room looks much better when there aren’t bottles all over it,” Papyrus said pointedly.

“You’re probably right. You **bottle** get on that.”

“ _Saaaans_!” Papyrus groaned as I burst out laughing.

Sans, at my making my presence known, looked over and sat up straight, flicking a glowing blue tongue from his mouth to get rid of the ketchup remains. It didn’t look like he needed to bleach his bones quite yet.

“Oh, Ri. Didn’t realize you were there.”

For some reason, I felt like I’d invaded his privacy and needed to explain my presence. “Papyrus is going to draw some puzzles for me.”

“Ah, I see. **Wheat** a great idea.”

I snorted, knowing it was coming eventually. Once Sans heard Alex call me ‘Ri’, he had taken to making bread puns around me. Papyrus was officially writhing on the ground, saying that this was the worst day ever.

Sans ignored it entirely. “Guess I should give you guys some privacy,” he said, standing. Something about his voice was kind of off, but I couldn’t place why.

“It’s fine if you stay,” I said.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m gonna watch this in my room. I need to know if Garnet is finally going to forgive Pearl.”

He shut the laptop and kicked at a ketchup bottle, which could have been casual except it landed right in front of Papyrus and Sans seemed to be smirking.

“Bro, you’re gonna give yourself an ulcer,” Sans said, “and I couldn’t **stomach** watching you in that much pain.”

And he went down the hallway past the kitchen and was gone.

I leaned down in front of Papyrus, who was in a fetal position muttering, “ _Nyoo_ _hoo_ _hoo_ …”

I offered him a hand. “Hey, come on, Paps. Let’s draw some puzzles. I’ll even help you clean up if you want.”

He looked up at me and sniffed. “I like that idea,” he told me timidly.

“Me too. Come on.”

He let me help him up.

Now that Papyrus was calmed down, I got to actually take a glance at the apartment. It was pretty roomy not because it was big but because it barely had any furnishings—just a couch, a little kitchen table, and a side table with a quantum physics book on it that I could only assume was Sans’.

We got the ketchup bottles in the trash and Papyrus grabbed crayons from a drawer in the kitchen and drew several puzzles for me. I had to admit, he was a better artist than Undyne. This was at least legible and, once he explained his logic, I could follow it. Though the color-coded puzzle lost me a little. There was something about lemons and piranhas and who knew what else. Good thing nobody ever ended up going through it, according to Papyrus.

After a while, Sans came back out. I noticed that he’d changed into an unstained t-shirt and a gray sweater instead of his other blue one. I wondered if he’d actually changed because I was there, but that made no sense—even when he met the group for dinner he’d sometimes show up in dirty clothes.

He sat on the edge of the couch and looked at what Papyrus was currently drawing.

“Did you show her the X’s and O’s one? That was a good one.”

“Yes,” Papyrus said absently, focusing on his drawing.

“And what about the mudslide one? That was a pretty **dirty** joke if you ask me. Heh.”

Papyrus stopped and turned. “What mudslide one?” he asked.

“Oh, come on, you know the one! That punk ass kid with the cowboy h—” He stopped talking suddenly, his white pupils large for a moment.

Cowboy hat? Like what the Riverperson had mentioned? I still wasn’t sure who that had been, but Papyrus only just told me that he never met them.

Sans was just staring for a long moment. Then his smile widened and he slumped casually. “Whoa, I’m a dumbass. I think that was just a dream I had.”

It was a blatant lie, and I almost expected Papyrus to call him out on it.

Not so much.

“You love puzzles so much you’re dreaming about them!” Papyrus cried. “That’s so exciting!”

He stood up and picked Sans up in a hug. He looked embarrassed. “Aw, come on, Paps, leggo. Ri’s watchin’.”

“Not on a momentous day such as this,” Papyrus said. “My lazybones brother, a lover of puzzles. It’s enough to warm my heart.”

“Your heart’s always warm, Paps. You gotta heart of **skulld**.”

Papyrus promptly dropped him. “You’re the worst brother in the world,” Papyrus said before sitting down again to continue drawing.

Sans stared down at him for a long moment as he drew intently. “You’re probably right,” he murmured before heading into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of ketchup, and heading back for the hallway.

“You’re not a bad brother,” I blurted out.

Sans looked over to me. “Heh. I know. I was joking.”

“It didn’t sound like it.”

He stared at me blankly and I couldn’t figure out for the life of me what he was thinking. “Hm. That theory sounds half- **baked** at best.”

And he walked into the hallway again before I could respond.


	10. Warning

**Sunday, September 13 th: Public Service Announcement**

**Sorry guys, but this isn’t a typical entry. I felt like I needed to take a break to just thank you all for being here. I’ve officially hit 5,000 followers and I’m completely overwhelmed! The fact that so many people are interested in the lives of our new neighbors is thrilling and I am so pleased to be the one to dispel the untrue theories out there about what it means to be a Monster.**

**But for the humans out there that are reading what I have to say, I have a big favor to ask you. If you’re reading my blog in a dark corner, hiding your concerns from other humans out of fear…**

**Silence is what traps the Monsters in this endless cycle of hatred.**

**It takes more than being aware. It’s a great first step, and I’m more than happy that you are willing to take that step with me, but realize that I’m not theorizing about some fandom. I’m talking about real live people who live in neighborhoods near you. Real people that can’t get jobs because of what they look like, that are kicked out of establishments for no good reason, that can only live in shitty neighborhoods paying double the rent their apartment quality calls for.**

**I’m not asking you to start a protest—not if you’re not into that type of thing. I’m not telling you to ostracize yourselves from humans. That’s silly and maybe even counterproductive.**

**What I’m telling you is that if you see a Monster on the street, talk to them. If you have one in your classes, make friends with them. If you see one being mistreated, speak up (if it won’t endanger yourself). They just want to be your friends, guys. Really. You’ve been reading about these sweet creatures. You know how loving they are. And you don’t have to only read about it—you can experience it for yourselves. And the more other humans see us with Monsters and notice that it doesn’t, in fact, bring on Armageddon… maybe their eyes will open.**

**It takes small steps to make great strides.**

**Spread happiness. Give free hugs.**

**Love a Monster near you.**

**Thanks for reading Riley’s Rantings. Signing off.**

In the grand scheme of things, five thousand people wasn’t all that many, but somehow it felt like the whole world was looking at me. My most popular entry so far—which had been the puzzle one, to Papyrus’ great pleasure—had gotten 27,923 views so far. And that was insane to me. I never thought I could be heard in such wide numbers.

I never thought I could truly change things for the better.

It was one of my two hour breaks on campus, which was short enough that I didn’t want to go home but long enough that I had to kill time after I ate. I was sipping on my soda, sitting on a bench and reading the comments on my post from the day before yesterday, which had been about how Monsters in Ebott paid rent when most of them couldn’t get jobs—it’d all been pretty interesting. The community was so tight knit that Monsters from less conservative towns sent money into Ebott and basically covered their expenses with no expectation of being paid back.

I was reading a particularly funny comment when someone sat on the opposite side of my bench. Campus was busy and most of the benches were full, so it made sense that someone would share a bench with me. I didn’t think to look up.

“I sure do **loaf** sitting in the sun, don’t you?”

I jumped, looking over to see Sans sitting with his eyes shut, leaning his head back.

“I’m more of a winter girl.”

“I’ve had a lot of winter. Hundreds of years of it. It’s alright, but the sun… it’s really something. You humies take it for **grain** ted.”

I smirked. “We probably do,” I agreed. “I didn’t think you even go to class,” I mentioned.

“Well I have to sometimes,” he said. “There was an exam.”

“How do you feel about it?”

He shrugged. “Too stoned to care.”

I snorted. “You went to a test high?”

“No, no, kid, I didn’t go _high_. I’m fucking _soaring_. This shit I got right now—it’s ridiculous.”

He wasn’t really acting any different than usual, but the fact that he was feeling it that much was a testament in itself, considering how few shits he gave about anything ever. “Wow, I’m jealous.”

“Hey, I’ll save the rest for you. Come over and smoke it with me sometime.”

“Sure,” I replied, surprised at the offer. Though Sans no longer missed events out of laziness, he’d never offered to hang out. He just showed up when other people planned things. It was kind of flattering that he wanted to hang out with me at all.

“So, you and Undyne fucked yet?”

He clearly waited for me to take a drink of my soda, because I almost spit it out. “Um. I don’t know if you noticed, but she’s kind of taken.”

“Well sure, obviously. You’d have sex with them both.”

I’d suggested it myself in the past, but I’d half been kidding. “You think Alphys is into group sex.”

“Sure she is.”

I looked over at him, but his eyes were still shut as he soaked in some rays. “You sound strangely sure of that fact.”

“Do I.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re so funny, reading into what I say all the time.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m assuming you asked about the sex for a reason.”

“Just wanted to see you spit-take your soda all over my least favorite teacher. Didn’t work out. Guess I’ll have to trip him next time I go to class instead.”

I shook my head. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I’ve been called that.”

I looked down at my phone, finishing up the comment I was reading, and the next.

“How many comments today then, Rye Bread?”

Huh. How he knew that was what I was doing with his eyes closed I couldn’t guess. Maybe he’d snuck a peek before imitating the personification of leisure on this bench.

“A few,” I said, not wanting to sound boastful.

“It’s really coming along. That blog.”

“Yeah. More than I thought it could.”

“I liked the one you put out today,” he told me, stretching out his legs. I took a peek, hoping to see his shin bones, but his arms and legs always managed to be covered no matter how much he moved around. “Very… educational.” I couldn’t tell if he was teasing me or not. “And Papyrus almost cried when he read the puzzle entry, he was so happy.” He chuckled quietly. “I just wonder if you’re taking things for granted again, humie.”

“What, you think I’m missing something? You’re the only one in the group that refuses to take an interview and, if I remember correctly, you’re the one who convinced me into this.”

He huffed out a hoarse laugh. “Oh no, I aint opening up my book, kid.”

“It’s not about you. It’s about the Underground.”

“Anyone could tell you about the Underground.”

“But there’s got to be things only you know about it.”

He was silent for long enough that I looked back over to him. He still looked relaxed, still didn’t bother to look at me. After a long moment, he said, “None of this is the point.”

I let it go, as I always did when he was obviously being secretive again. “Oh yeah,” I said. “I’m taking something for granted.”

“Yes.”

“And what is it?”

He sat up straight and, for the first time since he sat next to me, he looked over to me.

His eyes had gone empty.

“The day’s gonna come when you hear more than you wanna know. And I wonder how you’ll react then.”

I stared at him, speechless.

I had this weird feeling that if he ever decided to finally open up that book for me, I’d learn more from him than I had anyone else.

Then he started stretching like a cat, grinning lazily. “Ri, don’t always look so scared. You’re the only one who takes me seriously, you know. You should know by now not to do that.”

“I think everyone else should realize they _should_ take you seriously by now.”

He stood up. “Your theories are so cute. See ya around, kid.”

And he winked before strolling away, leaving me gaping after him and wondering what secret he was referring to.


	11. Confessions

This phone call had originally been going so well. I mean, it’d been bad timing, since we’d all been hanging out at Grillby’s—minus Alex, who was working that night—but I went outside to take it anyway because it’d been a while. She was asking about how the semester was going, I was asking how the marriage counselling was going, and it was all fine and fucking dandy.

And then my blog came up.

“I don’t like it, Riley.”

My favorite way to avoid getting pissed in these kinds of conversations was to keep it light. “Hey, you didn’t like when I smoked doob in high school either and that never stopped me.”

She grunted in frustration. “I need you to take me seriously.”

This was her favorite line. I was pretty sure it was custom designed to make me want to punch something.  

“I’m taking you perfectly seriously, Mother; I just don’t share your concerns.”

“Well you should,” she cut in. “We have no idea what kind of things these creatures can do. Broadcasting their words only gives them more power.”

“The power thing is kind of the idea,” I replied immediately. “These aren’t monsters living in hovels—”

“Interesting word choice, considering they call _themselves_ monsters.”

I ignored her and continued, “—these are real people who are being systematically oppressed by our society.”

I could hear her sigh in exasperation. “Don’t be melodramatic, Riley.”

“Who’s being melodramatic? You wanted me to take this seriously, and now I am. Your fearmongering is perpetuating untruths being spread about these people.”

“What untruths, Riley? That we don’t understand them? That they came out of nowhere and decided they belonged?”

“Oh, are we talking about Monsters now, or are we talking about the damn Mexicans?” I scoffed.

“Riley—”

“Don’t try to say it’s different. We’re back to straight up segregation in the _land of the free_.”

“It’s _not_ the same. They have sharp teeth—”

“So do dogs.”

“They have _magic_.”

“And we have nukes. There’s a lot of things about each other that we don’t understand yet, but nobody’s even trying to start a conversation! That’s what I’m trying to do. Did you know that I’ve gotten nine hundred more followers just in the past two weeks? I’m not the only one that cares about this. I’m not the only one that sees how fucked up people like you are making this.”

“Riley!” It could’ve been for the language, it could’ve been for insulting her. Who knew. I sure as fuck didn’t care.

“I don’t really want to have this conversation. I’m with friends.”

“By friends do you mean Monsters?” she asked coldly.

“Yes, I’m with Monsters. And you know what? They’re the best friends I’ve ever had. So eat a dick.”

“ ** _RIL_** —!”

I hung up and gripped my phone hard in my left hand as I swung around with my right and punched the wall I was leaning against. Fucking Christ. Sometimes my mom was so cool and sometimes she was such an ignorant piece of shit. She was the product of upper middle class white America and it made me So. Fucking. Mad.

I went to give the wall more abuse when a blue arm whipped out and grabbed it before it collided with the brick.

I looked up to Undyne, who was smiling down at me with something sad in her expression.

“Oh. Uh, hey,” I muttered, embarrassed.

“That was a lot of nice stuff you said, kid.”

It hadn’t been Undyne that’d said it. I turned and found that everyone was standing out there. At some point they’d left Grillby’s. Who knew how long they’d been listening without me even knowing it.

Before I could think of what to say in response to what Sans had said, Papyrus came forward and hugged me. “Oh, human, you are as lovely as Frisk.”

He put me down and finally, I had to ask. I’d wanted to for so long.

“Okay, who the hell is Frisk?” I finally asked. “You guys talk about this person all the time.”

They all looked around at each other awkwardly.

Finally Alphys said it. “Well, you see, uh, Frisk… is the one that let us—let us all out of the Underground.”

My mouth popped open. “A _human_ did it?”

“Frisk saved us from complete annihilation, from what I’ve heard,” Undyne said. “We kind of owe everything to them.”

Annihilation? I felt like I was missing something here. “Your peaceful society was almost annihilated?”

“It was almost a lot of things,” Alphys murmured. I looked around at them, and I saw it. The thing that they hadn’t been wanting to tell me. The thing they’d been pussyfooting around for months now.

_The day’s gonna come when you hear more than you wanna know. And I wonder how you’ll react then._

There was something very specific going on and they were petrified of me figuring it out.

But what could they possibly say that would change anything at this point?

“Come on, guys. You think you can’t trust me?”

“This isn’t about trust,” Undyne said. “I just don’t think you’ll like it very much.”

“Try me,” I responded.

And so we all went inside and they filled in many of the missing pieces I’d been sensing all along. What was the Royal Guard for? Who were the puzzles meant to confuse? Why did they talk about humans being in the Underground?

Because the only way to escape had been to use seven human souls. And the King, Asgore, had gotten six of those souls by killing every human that accidentally fell down into their midst without mercy or afterthought.

And Frisk had been the seventh soul, which proved without anyone saying it that nobody had to die in the first place.

All of the people sitting in front of me had a direct influence on these deaths. Undyne had been the Head of the Guard and she’d handed humans straight over to the King. Alphys had created puzzles that had trapped them. Sans had been sentry, ready to report the arrival of a human in the Underground. And Papyrus had made it his life goal to catch a human so he could join the Royal Guard. He was the least at fault, since he hadn’t known the humans were being killed, but still, he had wanted to join a big ol’ club that glorified the murder of my people.

These people, these friends that I loved so dearly, had not only stood by while innocent people were killed, but had helped in the process. People that were killed just for being human.

Human like me. Like Alex. Like my family. It could have been my sister that fell down there. It could have been my favorite high school teacher. It could have been anyone and they wouldn’t have cared.

It could have been me.

The realization made my stomach tie into painful knots, chilled me straight down to my bones.

They all looked so ashamed, and so scared of what I was going to say, and no matter how horrible it sounded, I almost didn’t care at that moment.

I sighed heavily, rubbing my temples. I stood.

“R-Riley?” asked Alphys, her eyes shining with what would probably become tears. 

“I… uh… I just need to process a little bit, okay? I’m not—I’m not _mad_. I’m just.” I didn’t know what I was. I didn’t know what to say. For some reason, I felt hurt. Like they’d done something to me directly that they were only just admitting. “Can I just have, like, a little time?” Papyrus’ entire jaw was shaking like he was going to start bawling and I wanted to go over and comfort him, but a part of me just couldn’t bring myself to get any closer to him. “Paps, it’s okay,” I told him. “It’s gonna be fine. I told you, I’m not mad. I just really need some time.”

“How much?” Sans grunted. His face was blank. For the first time ever, his teeth weren’t showing—his mouth was a straight line and his face was unnervingly empty like this.

“I don’t—” I sighed. “I don’t know.”

And before anyone could say anything else, I turned around and fled the scene.

* * *

 

I stayed up a lot of the night, trying to reconcile the things they’d told me with what I’d already learned about them all. When Alex got home, she asked me what was up because she could see how shaken I was… but even though I don’t hide a thing from her, I only told her about my fight with my mom and left out the part that was actually bothering me. I didn’t want her to know this for some reason. I didn’t want her to feel this.

* * *

 

The next day in class, and at work, I kept on thinking. I didn’t publish blog entries even though I was due for one. After a while, I wasn’t even thinking anymore—I was just zoning out blankly, trying _not_ to think.

* * *

 

The day after that, I half expected Papyrus to text. He always wanted to go get spaghetti on Thursdays.

But I’d asked for space. Papyrus was bad with boundaries, but someone probably had him under control. It was undoubtedly Sans.

I remembered the look on his face and shivered.

* * *

 

It was Friday. Undyne and Alphys usually met me and Alex at the Leather Lounge. They didn’t show up. Once I got there, I looked around at all the people there and suddenly wasn’t feeling sexy at all.

Alex had known something was wrong for days, of course, but she hadn’t questioned it much. Me getting depressed wasn’t completely out of left field.

“Alphy isn’t here,” Alex said.

“Yeah, they texted me,” I lied. “They aren’t feeling it.”

She looked down at me in my little sub dress. “Are _you_ feeling it?” she asked.

I sighed. “I could go either way,” I told her. “You could probably push me over the edge if you tried.”

She smirked. “Challenge accepted.”

She got one of the public areas and ate me out until I came three times and I felt a little better. I was at least distracted.

But Undyne wasn’t there teasing me and that felt wrong.

* * *

 

Saturday morning, I woke up early and started writing. I wrote for hours—not because it was long, but because I needed it to be just right.

When I finished, I sent out a group text.

_Riley (9:36am): Can we all meet somewhere today? Sometime before six._

I said that time because Alex had work until then and I couldn’t get away with seeing them without her unless she was working.

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (9:36am): DOES THIS MEAN WE’RE FRIENDS AGAIN?_

I covered my mouth and nearly sobbed. That wasn’t fair.

_Riley (9:36am): We were never not friends, Paps. I told you._

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (9:36am): OH, THAT’S VERY GOOD NEWS. BUT YOU’RE UP MUCH EARLIER THAN USUAL. IS SOMETHING WRONG? I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM VERY GOOD AT HELPING WITH PROBLEMS._

I didn’t even know what to say to that. I wasn’t sure I even knew what to think of it.

_Undyne (9:42am): Papy’s place is probably best or else Sans won’t bother to come._

_Riley (9:45am): Yeah, okay. What time?_

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (9:45am): MY LAZYBONES BROTHER WON’T BE UP UNTIL AT LEAST THREE._

_Undyne (9:49am): I’ll wake him up myself. You free in an hour? Alphys just needs to finish her homework._

_Riley (9:53am): Yeah. Sounds good._

I was showered and ready too early. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t sit still.

I ended up walking to New Snowdin earlier than I needed to.

Monster Slums were nice in the mornings. The shops were open, but it was fairly quiet. You could walk through and just think. I was strolling through, too early for our rendezvous, when I passed Papyrus and Sans’ house.

And the latter skeleton was standing outside, smoking a cigarette. There was no reason for him to be up before Undyne had arrived, since usually he wouldn’t be awake for four hours still. I was going to awkwardly walk by, too scared to initiate the conversation early, but he saw me.

“Do you smoke?” he asked quietly.

I approached him. “Yeah. Sometimes.” More this week than I had in a while.

He pulled a cig out and handed it to me. I put it in my mouth and he leaned in close to light it for me. I couldn’t meet his eyes, but I could feel him watching me carefully.

I wondered what he was looking for and if what he saw was what he’d wanted to see.

I breathed in the sweet tar and my mind buzzed soothingly. I sighed in temporary contentment.

“Bit **toasty** today, huh, Rye Bread?”

What came out of my throat wasn’t quite a laugh because I didn’t expect him to make a joke, or to call me by that silly nickname. What, had the last couple of days not even happened?

“Uh, yeah, hotter than it’s been,” I responded.

“If the temperatures **raise** any more, today’s little chat will be the **yeast** of our worries.”

This time I really did laugh, even if it was a little more subdued than usual.

“Doesn’t anything make you stop joking?” I asked fondly, smiling a little.

“Nothing you wanna see,” he replied, taking a deep drag. I wondered how his body processed smoke. It couldn’t be like food, because cigarette smoke didn’t have nutritional value and his body was incapable of making waste product. Did the smoke stay inside him, coiling aimlessly beneath his bones? Did the magic his body was made of turn it to something useful?

“What, like the King killing people?” I didn’t mean to go there, but it was on my mind. I couldn’t help it.

“What? No, I joked all the way through that.” I stared at him silently. The guy had no shame. “When you see as much of time as I do, you just start laughing. It helps.”

The sentence made no sense at all, but it still managed to give me chills.

He immediately dropped his cigarette and smashed it beneath his slipper.

“I hope you brought something for Paps. He’s spent half the week crying.”

And he shut the door in my face.

Maybe me coming to terms with what they’d done wasn’t the only healing left to do. I immediately left their porch and looked for a secluded corner. I had some work to do.


	12. Sacrifices

At eleven I was back at the door, stepping back and forth awkwardly on the steps and telling myself that it was time to knock now.

I wasn’t there ten seconds when the door whipped open in front of me.

Papyrus was standing there, eyes wide and brimming with tears.

“Oh human, I missed you so much! I wanted spaghetti on Thursday and lazy old Sans wouldn’t go with me—”

“Hey, I _did_ go with you!” Sans said indignantly from the front room that I couldn’t see because Papyrus was standing in the way.

“YOU TOOK ME TO GRILLBY’S, SANS. _GRILLBY’S_.”

“You used to like Grillby’s.”

“That was before Riley opened my eyes to TRUE SPAGHETTI. I would even venture to say theirs is better than mine.” And then he gave me the tightest hug I’d ever endured from him—it was possible I cracked a rib—and cried into my shoulder.

“Alright, Paps. It’s okay.” I patted his back awkwardly. “Hey, actually, I brought you something.”

Papyrus held me out in front of him so I was eye to eye with him. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had picked me up, let alone lifted me a foot and a half off the ground. “For me?”

“Yeah. If you, you know, set me down, I could get it out for you.” He took the hint and put me on the ground and I dug into my pocket. “See, I made plans for a puzzle we could make together. We can make Sans do it. It’ll be hilarious.” I held the paper out for Papyrus to take and he just stared at it. “Uh… Paps?”

“This… is…” He looked at me with some subdued emotion in his face—and Papyrus didn’t _do_ subdued, normally. “Yes. We’ll make it. Together.”

I smiled. “Of course. But, uh, there’s still, you know. Stuff to talk about.”

“Right. Of course.”

And he stepped aside.

Undyne and Alphys were standing by the table—Undyne was looking at me wordlessly, but Alphys didn’t seem able to make eye contact.

Sans was sitting on the couch, his eyes on me carefully like they had been as he lit my cigarette. I hated this new straight lined mouth of his. I missed his smile.

“I…” I tried, but nothing after that seemed to want to come out. That was alright. I knew that would happen. I took a breath. “I’m not so good at talking about how I feel,” I told them. “So… I wrote it down.”

On the other side of the paper on which I’d drawn a rough draft for a puzzle was what I’d spent the morning writing.

I set it down on the table and started to go into the kitchen because I didn’t like watching people read things I had wrote.

“No.” I turned around to see that Sans was standing. “I want to hear it from you.”

“Sans, come on,” Undyne said.

But I held a hand up. “Yeah, okay.” I picked the sheet back up. “I’m not improvising, but I’ll read it.”

Sans nodded in a somewhat grave way before adding teasingly, “Should I make popcorn?”

I rolled my eyes and began to read.

**Saturday, September 26 th: Questions of Morality**

**The Underground, full of pacifists that didn’t want any trouble, was more complicated than my original findings let on. A society that supported one another through hard times had a dark secret: they stepped on the corpses of others to achieve their goal.**

**After the humans locked the Monsters in the Underground, they created a spell that sealed them in. Only seven human souls could break the barrier and free the Monsters. Asgore, King of the Monsters, made the executive decision that humans were a means to an end. He ordered that all humans be killed when they fell down.**

**And they were.**

**Six humans died before one human fell into the Underground and changed it all. One bow-wrapped epic quest later, the Underground was open and the Monsters were free. All they’d seen was the dark ceiling for ambling generations.**

**I learned all of this at once. I am a human and I learned that my own friends killed humans, people, _my_ people, just for being human. It was discrimination at its dirtiest, it was frightening and repulsive.**

**And I thought for several days on the matter, and after not being able to make sense of any of it, it turned into roleplaying.**

**I was King Asgore and I was responsible for the happiness of my people. And my thought process went something like this.**

**_I had been alive when the humans locked us away for no crime but that we were different. I watched my people mourn the loss of the stars, I watched them starve of sunlight. Generations died, and were born, and died again without ever having seen the sky. My own son had been killed by humans for trying to bury his dead adopted (human) sister in her village on the surface. This proved that humans were vile creatures that didn’t even attempt to understand the plight of others._ **

**_I had to make a decision. My people were suffering. It was seven human souls to save thousands and thousands of innocent lives. Sure, nobody had to die for the soul to be used, but what human would agree to that? They cared not for the struggles of my people._ **

**_Once thinking about it this way, the choice wasn’t so hard, even though I had to look at those humans and try not to picture my daughter. The human who I had loved, despite what I knew she was._ **

**_This was what had to be done. For my people._ **

**King Asgore’s decision was not good. Basic morality didn’t allow it. People died in his quest… but what would I have done differently? Would I have subjected my people to eternal imprisonment to protect my own salvation? No. I would have done anything to save them.**

**_Anything_. **

**And to be honest, if I considered my own people, humans, and what they would have done… I fear they would have done it even if it were the other way around: sacrificed thousands of Monsters to save seven humans. I truly believe it, no matter how morbid it might seem.**

**What happened was not okay. I don’t have to say it was. Especially knowing that nobody had to die.**

**But I _can_ say that the outcome has been one I wouldn’t change, even if I could. I spent three days away from the Monsters in my life and I felt empty, like a dead man walking. Even just avoiding the Slums I used to walk through on the way to school was tearing chunks of joy out of my day. **

**Every Monster that emerged from the Underground has a beautiful soul and they deserve freedom.**

**I won’t be posting this entry. I don’t know if the other humans will understand.**

**But I do.**

**It comes down to what I can accept and what I can’t. Can I accept that this atrocity happened? I don’t exactly know until I ask myself another question:**

**Can I accept a world in which my lack of acceptance separates me from my friends?**

**No. I can’t.**

**I would say this is an entry about forgiveness, but it’s not. It’s about something a lot deeper than that. It’s about something unhealthy and selfish inside of me, something dirty that I don’t want to admit: because if they had told me it was six hundred instead of six, my answer would have been the same. Maybe even six thousand. Because my friends mean that much to me.**

**It happened. We all know that. And that matters, sure, but in the context of our friendship, it’s irrelevant. I love you all more than words can say. And there’s nothing you can say or do to make that go away.**

**You’re stuck with me.**

**Thanks for reading Riley’s Rantings. Signing off.**

I hadn’t looked up the entire time I was reading, and now I was afraid to. Had I come on too strong? Was this all ridiculous?

But then I looked up just in time for Alphys to collide with my hips. “Oh, R-Riley, that was w-w-wonderful.” Her voice was muffled, since she said it into my tee shirt.

Papyrus was beside me then, for once hugging me somewhat gently—the pain wasn’t as sharp as I was used to at least.

I looked over to Undyne, who rolled her eye. I grinned and she smiled back before coming over and punching me in the arm. Alphys, without removing her face from my stomach, tugged on Undyne’s wrist so she was forced to join the hug too.

And only then did I look at Sans.

He scared me the most. I’d known this letter was partially an apology for needing the time in the first place, but Sans especially wasn’t happy. Sans’d had to watch Papyrus be upset all this time, and seeing as Paps hadn’t really done anything, it’d been a little unfair to include him in the group I needed space from considering he was least likely to understand what was going on.

Not to mention Sans warned me that this would happen—that I’d learn something I didn’t want to know.

And he’d asked me that day what my reaction would be when that happened.  

The question was, was my reaction the right one? Was I supposed to say that I thought what happened was right? Because I wasn’t going to do that.

Sans was watching me, and he still didn’t look happy.

Had I ruined things with him for good?

I got distracted when Papyrus nuzzled his head into the top of mine and I laughed in spite of myself as I wrapped my arm around his waist.

Then I looked back over to Sans…

His grin was back in full force suddenly. He was shaking his head, looking at our shameless display exasperatedly.

I was so happy to see his smile again that I actually giggled and he stood up, coming over to our huddle of love.

“You give one hell of a speech, kid.”

“Hey, funny boy,” Undyne said. “We’re group hugging. Come on in here.”

“Not happening,” Sans said, walking around us and going into the kitchen. He returned with a bottle of ketchup.

“Sans!” Papyrus said. “We are having healing hugs and I, The Great Papyrus, insist that you join us!”

After a second, Sans set the ketchup down with a long-suffering sigh and stepped in close enough for Papyrus to put his arm around him. I laughed at the look on his face and he smiled at me.

“So now I get to kick your ass at Tekken, right?” asked Undyne.

I grinned mischievously. “Oh, it’s on.”


	13. Herb

“Wait. So let me get this straight. Sans invited you over. He made plans. Like, planned them. And invited, like, only you.”

I didn’t know why Alex needed clarification on this. I’d pretty much covered all that when I’d said _Sans invited me to go smoke with him, so I might be back late_ as I scarfed down a microwave burrito.

I mean, I got where part of her confusion came from. He wasn’t ever the one that made the plans, he just showed up, and that fact had surprised me in itself when he originally made the offer. And when I’d gotten my very first text message from him, the surprise had been rekindled.

_sans 8D (3:24pm): hey, i still got that DOPE weed waiting for you. come smoke it with me._

_Riley (3:25pm): When?_

_sans 8D (3:36pm): paps says i need a bleach, so i need an hour, but come after that. like right after._

_Riley (3:36pm): What, you in a hurry?_

_sans 8D (3:41pm): i’ve been waiting to smoke this shit for weeks now. if you don’t come over soon, i’m smoking it without you._

_Riley (3:42pm): No, don’t do that. Does five sound good?_

_sans 8D (3:48pm): sure, but don’t be late, or your ass is GRASS_

And now, after informing Alex that I was leaving, she was looking at me with that face, that you’re-missing-something-obvious face.

“What?” I asked defensively. “He’s just been saving this weed for me and it’s been weeks so he’s getting impatient—”

“He’s been saving it for you specifically?” she interrupted.

“Uh, yeah?”

“Okay, let me see.” She held out her hand for my phone and I handed it to her. She was the fastest reader I had ever met, so it took only a couple seconds before she was looking at me again, now with her seriously-you’re-missing-something- _painfully_ -obvious face.

“Spit it out, Alex,” I said, getting annoyed at the patronizing expression.

“When I say it, you might not want to go over anymore.”

“Try me.”

Last time I had said ‘try me’, I figured out that my friends were accessories to murder, but in that moment I didn’t think about that.

“He might be, you know, _interested_ in you.”

I paused mid bite to stare at her. “Dude, have you met him?”

“Yeah, I have, and here’s what I can tell you about him: he doesn’t make plans, he doesn’t single people out that aren’t Papyrus, and he doesn’t _ever_ text back.”

“He texted me first.”

“Which is amazing in and of itself.”

I now understood the grave tone in her voice. When I started to get an inkling someone might be into me, I had this tendency to oh so casually RUN THE FUCK IN THE OTHER DIRECTION SCREAMING LIKE A MAD MAN.

Like, being down to fuck was one thing. Casual sex was one of my favorite things. But the thought of relationships and romance… it wasn’t my favorite thing most of the time. The last relationship I had been in had been really long and ended really messily.

But first of all, I was pretty sure Alex was wrong in her assumption. And secondly, he was my friend. I wasn’t going to stop hanging out with him over something like that.

“Eh,” I finally said with a shrug, shoving the rest of the burrito in my mouth.

“ _Eh_?” she asked in shock.

“I mean, whatever,” I said around my burrito. “If he is, he is.”

She kept staring at me wordlessly as I grabbed a sweater and searched the kitchen counter for my wallet.

“Riley, do you even hear yourself?”

“Of course I do,” I said, not looking up at her. “There you are,” I added as I found my wallet and shoved it in my back pocket.

“You’re wearing makeup,” she added.

“I do that occasionally,” I replied casually, but I knew what she was getting at now and it was starting to frustrate me.

“And that’s your sub-top.”

It wasn’t my _sub_ - _top_. It was a black top that I sometimes wore when I was subbing because it made my tits look nice.

Which I happened to want to wear today for no particular reason.

“Is that your favorite purple bra I see peeking out there?”

“God, Alex, give it a rest,” I muttered as I went for the door.

“Well if you end up having Monster sex, at least tell me how it is. And I better be the maid of honor at your Monster wedding.”

I flipped her off and shut the door.

* * *

 

When I knocked at the door, a deep ‘come in’ filtered through the wood. Sans already had a fat ass bong ready in front of the couch. He glanced up to say hi but then stared for a second. “You look nice,” he told me.

“Thanks,” I murmured, tugging on my top self-consciously. “And you’re in jeans.” He was in a dark blue hoodie and ultra-faded baggy jeans. His pink fuzzy slippers were nowhere to be seen, so I could only see the socks he always wore under them. His hands that were almost always shoved into his pockets were pinching pieces of the bud and putting it into a small grinder. Though I’d seen his hands before, I’d never gotten a chance to really look at them before. His fingers were shaped more like fleshy digits than they were like bone—his hands looked strong and more human than I expected.

“Yeah, Mettaton said my wardrobe makes him feel ill and he bought me some new stuff. This is probably one of the only outfits I’ll wear though. He couldn’t pay me to put on that fucking monkey suit he got.”

He stood up and I noticed that the outfit fit him better than anything I’d ever seen him in. Clearly every sweatshirt he owned was several sizes too large for him, because he always looked like he might be pretty big beneath his clothes, but this less baggy attire showed that he was less so than I’d thought. The jeans hung low on his waist, his sweatshirt teasingly only just barely reaching his belt loops. He went into the kitchen and came back with five bottles of ketchup, three bottles of my favorite soda, and a giant bag of chips.

“You’re going to be munching hard when we finish with this shit,” he told me.

“I want to see the outfits,” I said, grinning as I went and sat with my legs crossed on the couch.

“Not happening,” he grunted, packing up the bowl.

“Well he got you a sweatshirt. So he at least tried to go for your style.”

“Yeah, and a couple t-shirts, but they’re all small.”

“And by that you mean they’re your size.”

“Yeah. It’s annoying.”

I smirked. “And he got you a suit?” I prompted. “What for?”

“Who the fuck knows how that diva thinks. I avoid him like the plague, to be honest. I see enough of him around the house, since Papyrus obsessively watches his YouTube channel.”

I was surprised Papyrus watched the show. I’d never met Mettaton before, but everything I’d heard about him was high maintenance and dramatic and… well… actually, on second thought, maybe that was Papyrus’ type of show after all.

“Huh,” was all I could think of in response.

“Yeah,” Sans agreed, like he got exactly what I meant. “Ah, shit, ice makes it less harsh for humans, right?”

“Uh, yeah, it helps.”

“I’ll grab some.”

He came back and dropped some ice cubes in the bong before sitting back down and lighting it up. He took a huge hit, double of what could even fit in my lungs, before handing it to me.

“Heh heh heh,” he chuckled. “This is the stuff, I’m telling you.”

I was glad he added the ice, because it was pretty harsh even with it. I took a fatter hit than probably necessary after having watched him take such a big one himself. It had a nice flavor when I ignored the insane urge to choke. I took a big gulp of my soda to keep from coughing as I noticed slight spiciness lingering in my throat that was kind of pleasant.

“Have any music requests?” he asked, fiddling with his laptop.

It occurred to me that I didn’t even know what kind of music he listened to. I wasn’t sure I even knew he liked music.

“As long as it’s not country, I don’t care,” I told him.

* * *

 

I had enough time to gather that his music taste was eclectic—it traded between alternative, metal, reggae, punk, and dub step—before I took a second hit that I didn’t need and I was too gone to register what I was hearing.

When Papyrus came home smelling like puppies, Sans and I were lying on opposite sides of the couch with our legs hanging off either side, our heads next to each other as we stared at the ceiling and looked for the shapes of Monsters in the stucco.

“Dude, dude, look, it’s Doggo,” I told Sans.

“What, I can’t see it, it’s not moving,” he immediately replied, and we both busted up laughing.

“Oh, have you got her smoking the marijunanas as well?” asked Papyrus reproachfully. “I, the Great Papyrus, do _not_ approve.”

“Settle down, Mom,” Sans said. “We’re fine. Right? We’re fine.”

“We’re super fine,” I agreed, and we both laughed again. “Wait, I don’t know what’s funny,” I told him, and we only laughed harder.

“Five bottles?” Papyrus asked. “Brother, isn’t that excessive?”

“Ah, come on, give it a rest,” Sans said. “I even bleached today.”

“Yeah, he bleached today, Paps! I didn’t even bleach today!”

Papyrus muttered something I couldn’t hear over us guffawing as he went into the kitchen.

Then, to my surprise, Sans started just talking. About working as a sentry in the Underground, about Papyrus’ quest to catch a human, about Frisk being the first human he ever liked.

“Did you know lots of humans?” I asked.

“Not too many fell down, but none of them were too great, in my opinion. I protected them because Tori told me to. And that little shit in the cowboy hat—I ought to have decked him.”

That kid in the hat again. What was with him?

But instead of asking that, I asked, “But how did humans just _fall_ into the Underground?”

“It’s the mountain, I think,” Sans said. “You can go to the top and fall right into the Ruins, but then they were stuck, you know? They’d have to go to the barrier, which was all the way in the Capital, and you could only get through with a human soul and a Monster soul.”

“I thought you needed seven.”

“You needed seven to _break_ it. You only needed one of each to walk through yourself. That’s how the King’s son got through and died in the first place. He absorbed his sister’s soul when she died.”

“But now, if someone fell into the Ruins…” I prompted.

“I mean, the barrier is broken. I guess people could come and go as they pleased now.”

“Then why don’t you? I know Papyrus misses his house and the snow.”

He turned his head to look at me—it was so close beside mine that when I turned to look at him, his dark sockets, even punctuated with their white pupils, seemed infinite. I got caught staring at them, wondering if it was possible to fall in and get lost just like the Underground.

“If you finally broke out of prison, would you go visiting your cell?” he asked me. It sounded way too casual—it was the weed, of course. The most serious conversation became laid back; the most forbidden of subjects became suddenly permitted.

“But hypothetically, if you realized you forgot your favorite t-shirt…” I asked pointedly.

“I could go right back, sure,” he responded.

“Huh,” was all I said before Sans started talking about how he could probably grow weed and sell it for some decent money. I started to describe in detail how much work it was and he decided he wasn’t so into it.

Sans showed me his four Facebook accounts that he used to troll Papyrus—he liked to comment ‘so cool’ on all his posts like seventeen times with different accounts, which drove Papyrus crazy because he didn’t know why Helvetica, Tahoma, and Century always said the same things Sans did—and he confided in me that he sometimes put shots of gin in his ketchup bottles when Papyrus wasn’t paying attention.

“Did you do that today?”

“A little,” he admitted.

We chatted more until the extra extra sauce combo pizza Sans ordered arrived and, for the first time, I saw Sans eat actual food.

“I always crave pizza when I’m high,” he told me as he picked all the toppings and cheese off and poured (alcoholic) ketchup all over the saucy crust. I took his toppings and piled them on my own pieces, which left us equally pleased with the arrangement.

Eventually, we started to come down from the high. Sans said we could keep smoking, but I knew I had to go home at some point, so I refused.

“You could stay here tonight,” he offered. “We have an air mattress for when Undyne and Alphys stay.”

“I should probably go at some point,” I said, trying to hide how distracted I had become since coming down from my high.

We kept chatting for a while, but then I lied about some homework and said I needed to go. He seemed to believe me, but he also was a fairly decent liar, so it was hard to know.

“This was fun,” he said as he walked me to the door. Even considering he took another hit about a half hour earlier, he was pretty sober now.

“It was certainly illuminating,” I said with a smirk.

He looked a little embarrassed. “Yeah, if you don’t like when I get chatty, you’re **ganga** have a **bud** time when I’m smoking.”

“A double!” I laughed. “That was impressive!”

He gave me a crooked grin. “Get home safely, okay?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“I could walk you. If you want,” he added.

My eyebrows shot up. “Really? Doesn’t that sound far?” I teased, quoting what he’d said the first time we all went to Grillby’s.

“Well it’s pretty late, and you don’t have Undyne with you this time.”

“Hey, I’m a big, strong girl. I’ll be okay.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” he agreed.

“We should do this again,” I added.

He grinned a little wider, like he hadn’t expected me to say it. “Definitely.”

In a moment of boldness, I made it obvious I was going to go in for a hug—Sans wasn’t a hugger for the most part, but since we were already bonding, I thought I might be able to get away with it…

And he caught the hint and hugged me back. I found my hands pressing against his back, hoping to feel the ridges of ribs, but in my brief moment of searching, I found nothing.

He let go before I did, rubbing the back of his neck like he was a little embarrassed. “See you around, Rye Bread.”

“Yeah. See you.”

As I walked home, I spent the first half of the trip wondering if Alex had a point… and wondering why I didn’t mind. Like, at all.

But I spent the second half of the walk thinking about what had been in the back of my mind for hours now.

After a while, I had to text Alex.

_Riley (1:34am): What if I told you that we could go into the Underground, take a look, and leave again?_

_Alex (1:37am): Then I would be interested._

_Riley (1:39am): How do you feel about ditching school tomorrow?_

_Alex (1:43am): Pretty good, considering what you’re implying._

_Riley (1:47am): Me too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! I hope you are enjoying so far! This week I will officially begin updating three times a week instead of two. I am moving across the country in July and if I don't finish publishing before then, I won't have any time to do it. So now updates are Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays!


	14. Flower

Seeing as we had no idea what we were going to experience down there other than that the weather fluctuated drastically, we dressed in layers. Shorts and a tank top with several sweaters and coats over them, and an empty backpack for whenever we needed to take the layers off. We were also in hiking boots because we had to actually get to the top of the mountain.

I was starting to understand all the rumors about not going up the mountain. Since I was a kid, I’d always heard that nobody should venture up because people disappeared, but I’d always wondered why people thought that, seeing as I couldn’t recall any missing person stories that actually said a word about the mountain. Curious at heart, I’d almost gone up a million times, but my mom had been pretty protective and managed to catch me every time.

Once the Monsters emerged, it partially made sense—our great-times-fifty grandparents knew what was down under the mountain and feared it.

But now that I knew there was an actual reachable entrance at the top of this mountain somewhere, it all clicked into place. It wasn’t senseless fear—it was practical knowledge that someone could stumble upon the entrance to the Underground if they got to the top.

And the only thing worse than going down there and getting murdered by the Monster king was if some human like Frisk set them all free. God forbid.

The hike wasn’t easy. No wonder only eight humans in total fell down into the Underground—it wasn’t exactly easy to get up to the top, if one did happen to ignore all the warnings about avoiding the summit.

Alex and I were quiet as we climbed, focusing our concentration on not falling and dying, before we eventually got to a cave entrance.

We walked inside and found a huge rim and a dark pit with a single path coiling treacherously around the walls. It looked a little like a volcano suddenly. Or more accurately an endless cold pit that used to be a volcano.

“Well all this needs is a ‘welcome’ mat and it’ll be just like home,” I said to Alex.

She snorted. “Could use some better lighting.”

“It’s almost like some old dead guys were hoping to scare people out of going down there.”

“It’s almost like that,” she agreed.

We looked at one another for a long moment before we both started following the thin path ahead of us. Its descent was steady, but it didn’t make it any less ominous, considering the gaping pit of death that was to our right as we walked.  

As we started to go down and I wished we had thought to bring a better light than our cell phones, I noticed that a light that hadn’t been visible from the surface was slowly brightening our way. We could see the dirt wall to the left of us in a pinkish light—I realized after a moment that there were crystals in the walls. They glowed brighter the farther from the hole in the ceiling we got…

Until suddenly, the path ended. There was still an empty darkness beside and beneath us that the glow from the crystals didn’t penetrate.

“Uh…” Alex mumbled, “what—“

She couldn’t finish her thought because, as she leaned forward, she fell, screeching as she descended.

“Alex!” I screamed, flailing out for her. In my quest to catch her, I not only completely missed, but I dropped my phone, its flashlight spinning wildly before it was out of sight. I got on my hands and knees and bent over, eyes wide, and tried to see her.

And I really panicked when her screaming abruptly stopped.

“ _Alex_?” I cried out frantically. “ _ALEX_?!”

“Hey, Ri, it’s all good!” she called to me.

I let out a relieved breath. “Are you hurt?”

“No. These flowers broke my fall, I guess. Your phone’s down here. The screen didn’t even break.”

“So you can see?”

“Not much. Just the flowers.”

I didn’t know what she meant… but there was only one way to find out.

I stood up, swallowing hard.

“Here goes nothing,” I murmured before jumping into the abyss.

Adrenaline pumped through me intoxicatingly as gravity left me, and I was weightless, falling through nothing.

In that moment I realized I could get used to this feeling. I needed to go skydiving sometime.

Then, as fast as it started, I landed with an uncomfortable but not painful thump on the flowers she’d been referring to. She’d thought to move to the grass the golden flowerbed lay in so I didn’t fall on her.

It was weird that I could see the flowers at all, I realized as I glanced around. There was no visible light source, but it still felt like there was some sort of magical spotlight on the flowerbed. That and the fact that the fall should’ve at least given me a sore ass made me wonder what exactly was going on here.

“Magic flowers?” I asked.

“Dunno,” she said, handing my phone to me. Good as new. Weird. A fall an eighth that height would usually shatter a touch screen to pieces. There was definitely some hoodoo in these flowers.

I kept the flashlight function on.

“Which way should we go?” I asked. But as I said it, I stood and we both looked in the same direction. Somehow, we just knew. With both our lights guiding us, we started to walk. This time, there were no comforting crystals lighting the way—it was black as pitch, thick and hauntingly silent. Even with our lights pointed at the ground there didn’t seem to be anything ahead of us—we were walking assuming there weren’t any holes in the ground on faith alone. Our hands were clasped between us and we took small steps. I kept wanting to speak just to fill in the quiet, but no words seemed to fit the situation.

And then we saw a light ahead of us.

In it, in a patch of grass, was a single golden flower.

A flower with a face.

Its eyes followed us and my hand gripped Alex’s tighter, but we kept walking. It continued to watch us.

“HOWDY!”

It screamed it in the silence and we both jumped.

“I was starting to think humans had gotten short since I was last on earth!” it told us. I didn’t know what it meant, but I didn’t want to ask. Was this another Monster? And if it was, why was it still in the Underground? “Not talkative, huh? That’s alright. My spiel is pointless now anyway, since Frisk came down here and ruined my whole plan. Now I’m stuck down here, not even enough power in me to return to my true form.” We just stared, uncomprehending. “I see that you’re confused. Here, catch these knowledge pellets. They’ll help.”

Out of nowhere, white projectiles started to spin towards us. Instinctually, I tried to dodge. Alex did so successfully, but I was too slow and one hit me in the arm. I hissed and looked down at a small cut that had formed, one drop of blood dripping down my wrist.

The flower’s smile twisted into something menacing. I stepped back a little, getting the urge to return the way I came, but I remembered I couldn’t. I had to get to the Capital to get out.

Which meant getting past this thing.

“ _Idiot_ ,” the flower scoffed. “You can’t even dodge? How you could live with a bunch of murderous humans for so long without being able to dodge is beyond me. You’re—” He stopped talking, frozen and staring with its dead eyes…

Before its face changed. It suddenly had a snout and soft, furry features, which looked strange with petals around its face.

“I don’t have long,” the flower said. It had the voice of a child now. “You have to leave. Please.”

We didn’t ask. This was way beyond anything I was capable of comprehending. We started to walk past him.

“Wait!” he added. I turned to look. “The soul. She’s not what she used to be. _Don’t let her out_.”

And Alex tugged me through the pink archway that had been behind the flower all along.

The pink stone building we found ourselves in—pink because the white stone was lit with pink crystals in the ceiling—was obviously the Ruins, from the rough layout we’d been told about by our friends.

But now that we were in some better light, we were just staring at each other.

“What _was_ that thing?” Alex finally asked.

“I don’t know. But those weren’t knowledge pellets,” I added.

That made her look down at me and notice my wound. “Shit, you’re bleeding,” she said, grabbing my arm.

“Nah, I’m fine. It barely hurts.”

“But it makes me wonder if there’s anyone else down here. And if they’re as nice as _that_ thing was.”

_The soul. She’s not what she used to be. **Don’t let her out.**_

Well, there was at least one other thing down here, if the nice version of the flower was to be trusted.

“Note to self,” I said. “If I see a soul, don’t let it out. Whatever that means.”

“Yeah. You getting the feeling this wasn’t a good—”

“Wait, Alex. Do you… see that?”

My eyes had caught a kind of golden light ahead of us.

“What… is that?” she asked.

Instead of answering, I started to walk towards it. It seemed to be calling to me. It was in between two sets of stairs, nestled in front of a bed of red leaves—that maybe would’ve been dead and brown if not for the pink lighting.

We stood in front of the golden speck of light together and, simultaneously, we reached for it. When I touched it, I felt like I truly comprehended what was happening. Here I was, the entrance of the Ruins looming above me. I’d wanted to understand the Underground for so long, and now here I was, with my best friend, and I was going to see it.

I looked to Alex, and her expression matched how I was feeling. With a nod, we both started to move, our thoughts about whether this was still a good idea flitting from our minds as courage replaced it.

I didn’t notice when the cut on my arm vanished as if it’d never even been there.

* * *

 

The Ruins were pretty creepy, but every time it felt like maybe this was the dumbest thing we’d ever done, like maybe we were getting scared, we’d find the strange gold lights and we’d feel ready to keep going. There were lots of puzzles that were long-since solved and never reset, and there was one talking rock and a bowl of candy (it said take one, so we each did, even though we weren’t sure whether to eat it or not) and a sign about a Spider Bake Sale, but we didn’t run into any more Monsters. Even when we got to a house and looked through the rooms, we found nobody, but we found a fire going that wasn’t hot and a lot of books about snails. We either had to assume that the Core, which kept the whole underground running, was still functional, or this house in the Ruins had a power source of its own, because there was an operational fridge in the kitchen.

We ended up going to the basement and knew we were on the right track when we found more stone corridors with crystal ceilings.

When we reached a huge door, we knew we’d reached the end of the Ruins. Good thing too, because I really didn’t like this area very much. I could see why all the Monsters spread out to wider pastures.

We went through it and down a hallway where the light finally brightened, but the silence seemed to try to swallow us whole. We went through an archway, more ominous darkness, and then…

Finally, what felt like natural light. We both sighed in relief as we found ourselves on a snowy path in a forest. I was glad I had my layers on already because it was fucking freezing in here.

I looked above me, trying to figure out where the light was even coming from, but the ceiling was clearly too high above to see, because it was pitch black up there. I had no idea why it seemed like I was standing in dim sunlight when it was clear the sun was nowhere near me.

But this was better. At least it wasn’t claustrophobic.

We walked through the path, which was cold and lonely, with our hands still laced between us.

We found another golden light and I looked back at a strange lamp we’d just passed.

“Was that kind of shaped like a little kid to you?” Alex asked.

“Yeah. Kinda was.”

We smiled.

Filled with determination, we kept on going.


	15. Coffins

Walking through the Underground felt like getting teleported into my favorite book. All these things I’d heard about, obsessed over, theorized about, even written about in a public forum were there in front of me for me to examine for myself. Puzzles that Papyrus had drawn for me were etched in the snow. Sentry stations that had notes from Doggo, Lesser Dog—even Sans and Papyrus themselves. These people I knew and loved had a totally different life I hadn’t been a part of and it was intriguing to see little pieces of it for myself.

We ended up in Snowdin, the true Snowdin, and found that a lot of New Snowdin was truly modeled off of OG Snowdin. We got to look at the original Grillby’s and Snowed Inn. We found a shop with miraculously preserved food items that I was super tempted to take but decided not to—unlike the candy bowl, this said nothing about taking one.

We even found Sans and Papyrus’ old house—we knew it was theirs because we opened the door and it was strangely similar to their apartment on the surface. It even had a quantum physics book, but this one when opened seemed to have an infinite loop of joke books and more quantum physics books hidden inside it. Did the one on the surface do that too?

We saw Papyrus’ room, but Sans’ was locked. Figured. His was the only room I hadn’t seen on the surface and the one I wanted to see the most.

We walked through the snowy area and found what we knew from Undyne was Waterfall. It was serene, but I didn’t realize why until I was touching another golden light—the sound of rushing water was soothing. It made me want to push forward.

But then I noticed a flower. It was glowing blue, very unlike the golden one from earlier.

I stepped towards it, and it said to me in a gravelly voice: “This is an Echo Flower. It repeats the last thing it heard, over and over…”

Alex and I looked at each other. “Think it really does?” she asked.

“Think it really does?” asked the flower.

“Well. Guess that answers that question,” I responded, and it repeated what I’d said. I only then noticed that the ceiling in here was punctuated with bluish white crystals every so often. “Wow. The stars of the Underground.  They’re beautiful.”

The flower repeated me again and this time, I was silent, because I wanted to keep the message. I liked something about it.

The sentry station we passed had ketchup bottles behind it and I smiled. Sans had been there.

We walked through more of Waterfall, listening silently to the stories the Echo Flowers had to tell us about Monsters that were thrilled to leave the Underground once and for all, before reaching a telescope. I used it to get a closer look at the sky, and Alex did too. When we found another, I was more than interested, so I tried to use it, but it didn’t seem to be working.

When I turned to Alex to tell her, she covered her mouth and stared at me with wide eyes.

“What?” I asked.

“Uh. That telescope… you’ve kinda got a black eye.”

“ _What_?”

She laughed for about twenty minutes—every time she looked at me, like she couldn’t help it—until she turned to me and suddenly it was gone. I was too busy focusing on the confidence the golden light gave me to wonder what had happened to it.

We saw more Echo Flowers, we saw mushrooms that glowed in the dark, we saw a floating city in the distance. We found a flaming house that looked like a fish. We knew it had to be Undyne’s place—I wondered why fires never seemed to go out down there. We found a statue that sang us a beautiful but haunting song and a room where it inexplicably was raining.

We went out of the way to listen to Echo Flowers, so we kept ending up far off the path to hear their stories. Once when we were so far from the road that the flowers had all gone silent and we were close to turning around… we found another flower that spoke to us.

And when the voice that came out sounded like Skeletor, I listened more closely than before.

“See? I, the greatest of all brothers, can always cheer you up. Come on. Let’s go home.”

Alex and I looked at each other and I wondered what story this was trying to tell. How Sans had ended up all the way out here. How Papyrus had found him. What had Sans upset. How Papyrus cheered him up.

We walked further back, hoping to hear something from another flower.

And then we found one… but all that could be heard was sobbing. Sobbing that I recognized without having heard it before because nobody else’s voice was that deep.

Without a word, Alex and I left. I felt like Sans wouldn’t want me to know what I’d found. I tried to forget about it.

It took a long time, but we eventually made our way to Hotland, where we found Alphys’ old lab. Instead of trying to navigate Hotland, which Alphys had drawn for me in great detail one day—which meant I knew that it had the hardest puzzles of all—we took the elevator at the front to “R3”, which I knew went straight to the original MTT resort. We finally made our way through the Core and to Asgore’s Castle in the Capital.

We’d had very little to say for a long time, as engrossed as we were in what we were seeing. Imagining this world when it was full of Monsters, wondering what chairs my friends had sat in, what places they’d bought food from, what paths they walked to get to the barrier in the end.

The Castle was the creepiest thing since the Ruins. The golden lights were all over the place and god was I glad for it, because I wanted to turn back and hang out in the comfort of MTT resort like seventeen times and the golden lights reminded me that I had to keep moving.

Then we found a set of stairs outside the Throne Room.

“I don’t know if we should go down there,” Alex had said.

I was still high on only just having seen one of the golden lights. “Oh, come on, it’s just a basement. We’ll take a peek. Once we get through that throne room, we’re almost out.”

She sighed. “Alright, alright. Might as well not miss anything.”

“Atta girl,” I said, and we went down the steps.

But when we got down there… what we found…

“What the fuck?” Alex asked quietly. I backed away with her as we stared.

Coffins. Seven of them. Six of them had the lids shoved off, but the seventh, closest to us, was closed.

The seven souls, I realized. Alex didn’t know about all that, but it had to be.

Only six died. Six open coffins that had once contained souls, all used to break the barrier.

Which meant the seventh had been meant for Frisk… but that wasn’t the name it said. Strange.

“Guess the seventh zombie is still sleeping,” I said casually.

“That’s not funny,” Alex snapped at me.

“What, you scared?” I asked.

“Yeah, Ri, I’m kind of scared. Why the fuck are these down here?”

“Could be anything,” I said nonchalantly. “Come on. Dare you to touch one.”

“What? You’re fucking insane. Let’s go.”

“Come on, just a little.”

She rolled her eyes and slapped her hand on the nearest coffin, the closed one.

“There, hap…”

She stopped, staring at me with a strangely blank expression in her eyes.

“Hey? You alright?”

She was silent for another second.

“We shouldn’t be down here,” she said, urgency in her voice that startled and kind of frightened me. “We need to get out.”

“Okay, okay,” I said. “We’ll go. It’s fine.”

We went through the rest of the Castle in silence until I turned to her and said, “Hey, about the basement… I shouldn’t have told you to touch them. That was pushing—”

“It’s fine,” she said, cutting me off. “Really. I was just feeling weird… but actually, I feel a lot better now.”

“Oh, good,” I replied, smiling at her. She smiled back and we were more relaxed as we found the barrier…

And we ended up in the sun again, looking down on the city of Ebott.

I saw what our friends meant when they said they wanted to get out of there. It’d been nice, but it’d felt… lonely. Claustrophobic. This sprawling landscape in a warm sunset was really something after spending all day in caverns.

“It feels like I haven’t seen the sun for a thousand years,” Alex said.

“Yeah,” I agreed. I got out my phone and found that I had a text from Undyne, but it was only about twenty minutes ago and I usually took a while to text back, so I figured she wouldn’t be worried.

“Come on,” Alex said. “Let’s get home.”

“Yeah,” I agreed.

I was glad I’d seen it. It helped me to understand the context of the stories.

But only something really important would force me back down there, because in the end, it was creepier than I could have guessed it would be.

Without that little golden light to give me courage, I remembered the flower’s warning about a soul we weren’t supposed to free.

Well, we didn’t pass any more Monsters, so by process of elimination, we’d succeeded.

So why did I feel like that wasn’t quite true?


	16. Restraint

“You know, I’m a little offended you guys haven’t invited me to this **shin** dig of yours yet.”

All four of us stared at Sans. Seeing as we had been talking about a display we’d seen at the Lounge the night before, there was only one thing he could be talking about, but it was pretty out of nowhere.

It was Undyne that spoke. “You’re offended we haven’t invited you to our sex club.”

“Sure,” he said. “Sounds like fun. It’s where this big happy family all started. I wanna see.”

He was grinning, leaning back into Undyne’s couch lazily. He’d suddenly been a lot more willing to go out of his way to do things. Him basically asking to be invited to the Leather Lounge was more proof to the theory that he maybe even _wanted_ to go out of his way to spend time with us.

Though the _type_ of time he wanted to spend was officially in question…

“And I’m not saying it has to be a big orgy first go,” he added. “I just wanna see what I’ve been missing, you know?”

It was silent for another very long moment.

Then finally, Alex knew what to say. “Okay,” she said, “to begin, do you know anything about BDSM?”

“Sure I do. There’re ropes and shit, right?”

Alex looked over to me with an exhausted sigh like this was somehow my fault. “… Yeah, first things first. If you want us to take you with us, you’re going to do some research.”

He looked distasteful. “Aw, come on, Ally—”

“No, she’s right,” I added. “You can’t go in blind. This community gets dangerous when uninformed people try to join it. If you want to go, you’ve got to put in the work.”

I expected him to continue complaining, but instead he watched me wordlessly, his blank smile firmly in place.

He shrugged. It didn’t tell me much about whether or not he was actually going to do any research, and I almost asked, but then Papyrus walked in, having gotten off work. Nobody wanted to talk about it when he was around, so the topic went stagnant.

* * *

“Alright, quiz me.”

I was way too high to know what he was talking about. Had we been talking about quizzes? Did he have a test soon? All I knew is that we were sharing the couch, sitting on either end with our legs tangled between us, and he was looking at me with that smirk that meant he knew I was lost and thought it was funny. He got a kick out of me smoking more than I could handle.

“Huh?” I asked blankly as I read a text I’d just gotten.

_Alex (12:34pm): What is this, the fourth time you’ve hung out alone together? And before three, no less._

I ignored the message for now. I didn’t even know how to start telling her to shove off.

“I mean you guys told me to do research and I did,” Sans specified. “So quiz me.”

It took me another second to realize what he was talking about.

BDSM. He’d done the research we’d required and he wanted me to quiz him to prove it.

I stared at him with an eyebrow up. I tried to imagine him doing some form of work and it just didn’t seem to make sense in my head. Maybe he was bluffing?

Only one way to find out.

“How do you feel about safe words?”

“What kind of quiz asks how I feel?” he asked, nudging my knee with his and smiling teasingly.

“My kind. I don’t care if you can spout off facts. I want to know that you understood it. So answer the question.”

He picked up the bong and took a huge hit. I was half sure he was going to give the topic up.

Then: “Well, safe words,” he said thoughtfully. “They’re important. Can’t have a safe scene without them, because struggling and saying no could all be part of the game. There has to be a way to rescind consent in that kind of scenario.”

Well. Dumbass had done his homework after all.

On another day I probably would’ve had other questions, but I was way too damn high for this. Plus, safe words were what mattered the most. If he understood and respected that aspect, everything else could come later.

But now I had him talking, as he always did when he was high. So it was a good time to ask more questions.

“Did you actually like what you saw of it? Dom/sub play, bondage, all that?”

“I was definitely interested,” he said with a shrug. “Dunno which role I would play. I don’t so much like getting told what to do, but Dominating sounded like a lot of work. Which are you?” he added.

“I’m a switch,” I said, just to test his knowledge of terminology. Since he didn’t look confused, I assumed he knew what it meant, so I went on, “Alex is too, so we just trade around.”

“Do you like one more?”

“Not particularly. They’re just different. You get the pleasure from a different place. When you’re subbing, it’s from letting go of control. I like it especially because I don’t usually let people boss me around and it’s a nice change to turn all that off and just let someone else take the reins. But Domming… it’s all a huge power trip. You know someone else’s happiness is in your hands for you to make or break, and it’s scary to have that kind of responsibility, but it’s also intoxicating.”

He nodded, seeming to be considering my words.

“You think you’d like bondage?” I asked.

“Dunno,” he said.

“Alright, let’s test it out.”

His smile wavered in confusion, and possibly a little fear. “Test it out?” he asked quietly.

“Sure.” I stood up, even though it took way more work than my stoned limbs wanted to go through—my veins were buzzing with the idea of restraining someone and no amount of weed could kill that kind of high.

After a second, he nodded and stood up too, and I flashed toward him, pressing him down onto the couch and straddling his lap, holding both his hard wrists above his head.

If his pupils were anything like human ones, his eyes were definitely dilated, which was a good sign. His breathing had gone a little shallow as he watched me carefully. From my Domming experience, I had to be able to tell if someone was into something or not, and he was showing signs that he might be liking it.

“I could get out of this easily,” he told me, his tone breathy.

“That’s not the point,” I replied. “If you didn’t want to be here, of course you could get out. But are you comfortable like this?”

He chuckled quietly. “Well _comfortable_ aint exactly the word for it, Rye Bread.”

“Then tell me how it feels.”

“It’s… uh… to be honest, I can’t really think straight.”

The Dom in me was satisfied that I got him so befuddled, but I didn’t express that. “Yeah, subspace does that. Do you want to get out?”

He shrugged. “Not really.”

“Do you want to _try_ to get out?”

I wasn’t sure if he’d understand the difference between the two questions, but after a moment, he shifted his wrists a little like he was going to try to twist his way out of my grip. Prepared for it, I gripped tighter—for once I didn’t have to be careful, because his ossified flesh wasn’t exactly going to get hurt—and he was stuck in place.

His breathing definitely went more ragged then, and his teeth parted to show just a little of the glow of that blue tongue of his.

“Alright,” I said. “You have potential for being a rebellious sub.”

Then, out of nowhere, he sat up and flipped us around. He was looming over me with my own wrists suspended above me. Instinctually, I tried to struggle, and his grip was so strong that it didn’t get me anywhere at all. My guts clenched and burned as I just watched, dumbfounded by his move.

“Well, if that aint a pretty sight,” he told me as his eyes carefully roved up and down my stretched out torso, and I shivered. His grin was halfway between teasing and mean and Jesus it was hot.

He clearly moved way too fast for me to process because next second, he was back on the other end of the couch, lounging like nothing had happened. I was still stunned into silence.

“Well, I think I got you a little flustered, Ri. You sure you don’t want me to come to the club?”

I stood up and straightened out my clothes. “I never said I didn’t want you to go. I said you needed to be prepared.” I sat back down against my arm of the couch and let my legs stretch out beside his again. “But I thought you said you wouldn’t be participating.”

“Not the first time around,” he responded.

I thought about the idea of him coming to the Lounge and _participating_ and got chills. “Are you even into casual sex?” I asked nonchalantly to hide my reaction.

“I wouldn’t call what just happened casual.”

I licked my lips. “I wouldn’t call it sex either.”

He shook his head, chuckling. “Right you are. But I can’t have sex the way humans do.”

“I know that.”

“And we don’t really know how Bonding works with a human,” he continued.

“No harm in trying.”

He grinned. “Your sense of adventure is commendable. Though I do wonder if it’ll get you into trouble someday.”

“You seem to wonder about my safety a lot more than you used to,” I mentioned.

“I care about you, kid. You know that.”

I did know that, but he’d never said it so bluntly before. Pot was by far the best way to get Sans talking. He was usually so butch about his emotions that it made me want to punch something, but weed took that wall and turned it to rubble.

He knew as much. He knew how open he got when he smoked and he still did it.

In fact, it was the only time I ever saw him high unless it was on campus. He didn’t do it in groups.

Just with me.

I shook the thought from my mind. Alex was getting to me was all.

“What, did I say too much?” he asked teasingly.

I only then realized how long I’d been silent. “I’m sorry, I’m way too stoned right now,” I said, smiling. “I don’t even remember what we were talking about.”

He burst out laughing. “You’re something else, Ri.”

“Halloween’s coming up,” I noted, hoping the change of subject was maybe just a teensy bit sly. “What are you dressing up as?”

“Whoa whoa whoa. I agreed to come out. Now I gotta dress up too?”

“It’s part of the fun. You have to.”

He grimaced for only a moment. “Fine, fine. I’ll dress up. What should I go as? Maybe a skeleton?”

I laughed and swatted at his leg. “No! You have to be something different than you already are!”

“What if I dressed as Papyrus?”

“Only if you imitated him all night.”

“That sounds like a lot of work,” he murmured.

“I’m sure you’ll think of something,” I replied with a smirk.

“What’re you going as?” he asked.

“Guess you’ll just have to wait and see.” I was only being mean, because everyone else knew what my costume was already. In fact, we all decided to do a group costume. Now that I had gotten Sans to agree to dress up, I was certain somebody was going to outfit him in something matching our theme.

And by ‘someone’ I meant Papyrus.

“Oh, are we being secretive now?” he asked. “Then that costume better blow me away.”

I scoffed. “Stop telling me what to do.”

“Make me,” he countered, and again my insides clenched.

Maybe he had Dom potential after all.

“You hungry?” he asked, and just like that, the mood was gone again.

“You read my mind.”

Kind of true, kind of not. Because sure, I was thinking about pizza somewhere in the back of my brain, as one does after smoking too much dank…

But mostly I was cursing Alex for getting this ridiculous idea in my head. I was overthinking it. He was just flirting. I flirted with people I wasn’t actually into all the time. It was casual, fun.

I finally responded to Alex’s text.

_Riley (1:12pm): He probably just wants to get on my good side so I’ll take him to the Lounge._

_Alex (1:25pm): And why do you think he wants to go in the first place? He didn’t know anything about BDSM, so it’s not casual interest. Put the pieces together, dummy._

I looked at Sans, who was calling the pizza guy. He was chatting pleasantly, and when he noticed me staring, he gave me a wink.

I didn’t know what to think of Alex’s hypothesis, but I did know that whatever was going on between me and Sans, I liked it. I liked being around him. I liked getting to know him.

And whatever happened… well, I’d just let it happen.


	17. Preparation

The blog was never meant to be anonymous. In the beginning when I knew my follower count would never get over fifty, it never occurred to me that anonymity would be required, but even after I started talking about Monsters and my followers went up by the hundreds every week, I didn’t care about people knowing who I was. My real name was on the site and a picture of me—and my rainbow hair made me pretty easy to pick out in a crowd.

The day before Halloween was the first time I was recognized by a random person on the street and asked for an autograph.

“It’s Riley’s Ramblings chick!” the girl had called out, and she and her two dude friends had come over and chatted me up for a minute. I’d been walking through campus with Undyne, who I’d just ran into, and they’d only been too excited to meet her.

“It’s good to know that it’s not all talk,” the girl, named Rachel, had said. “That you’re really living what you preach.”

“Psh,” Undyne scoffed, “she’d be lost without us. Right, Ri?” She slung her arm around my shoulders.

She might’ve been hamming it up for the audience. She might have been trying to embarrass me. I wasn’t exactly sure.

“Yeah, yeah,” I murmured. “She’s a total drama queen,” I’d stage-whispered to the others, which made Undyne glare.

They’d wanted to talk for a while, but Undyne was impatient to meet with Alphys, so we shook them off within a couple minutes. “Hope to see you again,” Rachel had said, and I left feeling light and heavy all at once. I was giddy with the idea that I was an eighth of the way to famous, but overwhelmed with the sudden sense of responsibility on my shoulders. My words officially had weight. They mattered. I could say or do something wrong and make literally thousands of other people repeat my mistakes.

But, you know, no pressure.

I got home and looked for Alex before remembering that she went to be with Marco for Halloween. I was on my own for the weekend, and by extension for BDSM night, since it was a Friday.

_Undyne (3:46pm): Do you still wanna go?_

_Riley (3:51pm): Definitely. We can have fun without Alex. In fact, we could take Sans tonight._

_Undyne (3:57): Only if you’re babysitting him._

I thought for a moment about whether this was a good idea. If I invited him to the Lounge, were we going to end up Bonding? I didn’t really know why it mattered in the first place, because sex was casual until you made it more and I could obviously be casual with Sans the way I could anyone else…

Right?

_Riley (3:58pm): If you want to go to the Lounge, tonight is your chance. Are you coming?_

_sans 8D (4:04pm): i mean, not yet. we haven’t even started._

The joke that might usually have made me laugh made my stomach twist nervously and I promptly told it to shut up.

_Riley (4:04pm): Ha ha. If you want me to take you, tell me now._

_sans 8D (4:08pm): you’re just setting them right up for me, rye bread. how am i supposed to resist?_

_Riley (4:08pm): That time it was on purpose, but since you didn’t answer, I guess you’re not into it. Fine with me. I’ll just show you around. Pick you up at 5:30._

_sans 8D (4:09pm): you’re something else, ri._

_Riley (4:09pm): Since it’s your first time, we’ll treat you as my sub. Alright?_

_sans 8D (4:10pm): fine by me. but i haven’t thought up a safe word yet._

_Riley (4:10pm): Then you have just over an hour to get on that._

_sans 8D (4:11pm): when did you get so bossy?_

_Riley (4:12pm): You don’t like it, don’t come tonight._

_sans 8D (4:12pm): i didn’t say anything about not liking it. i’m definitely coming tonight._

I swallowed at the wording once again. He didn’t come like a human I could only assume, but the meaning was clear enough.

_Riley (4:12pm): We’ll see about that._

* * *

 

_Riley (5:13pm): I need you to do me a favor._

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (5:13pm): OF COURSE. I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, EXCEL AT DOING FAVORS._

_Riley (5:19pm): Mettaton recently bought your brother clothes. He refuses to wear anything but the tee shirts and sweatshirts. Do you know where the rest of it is?_

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (5:19pm): HE DID NOT EVEN TAKE THEM FROM THE BAG._

_Riley (5:24pm): I’ll be there in five minutes. I need you to get the bag of clothes. Preferably without Sans seeing._

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (5:24pm): HE IS CURRENTLY SMOKING THE CIGARETTE. I SHALL DO IT RIGHT NOW FOR YOU!_

* * *

 

Sans was still outside smoking when I arrived.

“So, we going?”

“First things first,” I said. “Safe word.”

“Papyrus.”

I stared. “Seriously?”

“Hey, that’s the last thing I’m gonna say at a sex club.”

I rolled my eyes. “No, dude, I need something you’ll never say. Even here.”

He grumbled. “Oh fine. Uh. Pterodactyl.”

I again was left momentarily speechless. “If I had you choking on some dude’s dick, would you want to try to say pterodactyl?”

His eyes got big. “What the hell we doin’ tonight?”

“That’s the point. You don’t know. So take the safe word seriously or I’m not taking you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Alright, alright, calm down. No need to get **heated** , Rye Bread. Howza ‘bout…” He looked up at me, his face more serious than I expected. “Heartbeat.”

I smirked. I liked it, actually. It felt somehow poetic. The action in itself was indicative of what being submissive meant—no amount of will could make you stop your own heartbeat, it was unconscious and carnal… but in the end, your heart was in control. If the heart stopped, everything did.

But coming from Sans, it lost a lot of its poetry. Considering his anatomy and all. “What, because you don’t have one?”

He raised a brow ridge at me. “Who says I don’t have one? You ever listened for one before?”

That left me momentarily speechless. I mean, I’d always assumed… he was a skeleton, after all… but what if he…? “ _Do_ you have one?”

He only smiled at me in amusement. “Now that we’ve settled that, can we go?”

I tried not to laugh as I looked at him with my head tilted to the side innocently. “Why would we leave now? We don’t need to get there until eight.”

“ _Eight_?” he asked, dumbfounded. “Then why the hell you here so early?

“Cuz you need a bleach.”

He looked at me dubiously. “Seriously?”

“Yup. In you go.”

“But—”

“You don’t like it, use your safe word. Otherwise, you’re my bitch tonight.”

He rolled his eyes and stomped out his cigarette, grumbling something about how he might regret this, but there was no mention of heartbeats. I smirked and followed him in. Papyrus hugged me and I waited for Sans to go into the bathroom to bleach before I said, “You got the goods?”

He seemed to catch onto my stealth vibe, because he nodded and dramatically tiptoed to grab the bag.

“Alright, good work. Now help me pick out an outfit for him tonight.”

“What for? If it were a party, I, the Great Papyrus, would also be invited…” He then looked at the ground awkwardly. “Right?”

“Yes, of course you’d be invited,” I quickly assured him.

But then I wondered what to tell him. What could I mention that he wouldn’t feel left out not going to?

After a moment of thought, what came out was something I never thought in a million years I would say to Papyrus.

“I’m taking him to a sex club.”

Papyrus’ eyes got huge and his jaw looked close to unhinging.

“Um, not to like, Bond with him,” I said, even though I didn’t actually know if that was true or not. “Just to show him.”

He continued to stare.

“Uh… Paps?”

After another second, he slowly lifted his hand and pressed his jaw back up into place.

“Well,” he finally said. “As long as my baby brother is happy, I am also happy.”

I grinned. “I’ll make sure he has a good time.”

“Well then!” he said. “We must pick out a very cool outfit for him! I shall help you find the best one!”

* * *

 

Once Sans finished bleaching, Papyrus was already away in his bedroom, claiming that the whole thing made him just a little uncomfortable and he’d rather just let it happen without him. I was pretty grateful for that. Even though Papyrus was older than Sans—older than me by a couple centuries, in fact—the thought of having him in the room while we talked about this was as if my fifteen year old sister were around.

Sans came out back in his normal clothes and said, “It’s six thirty, kid. Still way too early to leave.”

“That’d be because we aren’t done yet.”

I held up the Mettaton outfit.

“Aw, come on! You’re in jeans and a tee shirt!”

“I don’t have to be. If I decide you’re being super cooperative, I’ll change into the tiny black dress I brought.”

I wasn’t sure if I was going in the right direction on this—it was a bribe that worked well enough on Alex, but would Sans care?

But as his eyes narrowed and he came over to me with a petulant look on his face, I realized he clearly did care. He snatched the outfit from me.

“That attitude is no way to get what you want,” I scolded.

He sighed quietly. “Thank you sir.”

I didn’t know how he knew that I preferred ‘sir’ to more feminine titles, but hearing it out of his mouth made me shudder with pleasure.

He noticed.

“You like that, don’t you?” he asked mischievously.

I rolled my eyes. “If you’ll remember, this is supposed to be fun. If you try to have an open mind, you’ll have a better time. I promise.”

After a moment, he gave me a small smile. “I’ll keep that in mind, sir.”

And he turned to go change in his room.

I ran into the bathroom and changed into the dress as fast as I could, wanting to surprise him. I checked that my makeup, darker than usual, was still in place and that the dress was squeezing in the right places before I stood by the couch and waited for Sans to come out.

I heard his door open and he said as he went down the hallway, “Watch out, Rye Bread, I’m looking like a **bone** fide—”

I don’t know what bonafide thing he looked like, because once he saw me, he stopped dead in his tracks, staring.

I felt quite the same about him, honestly. The blue button up and dark wash jeans fit him sinfully well, extenuating the broadness of his shoulders and thinning out his hips.

Then he gave me his widest grin. “Riley, you look **sans** tastic.” I laughed at his ridiculous timing and he looked at me fondly. “That laugh, kid. It’s the nicest laugh I’ve ever heard, you know that?”

I felt my face go hot. “Flattering me won’t make me go any easier on you.”

“I know that. I’d tell you that any day.”

I didn’t have anything to say to that. I was too flustered to flirt back—which was stupid, because I could flirt with absolutely anyone and it mean nothing so why did Sans complicate it so much?

“Come on,” I said. “We’ll get there a little early and I’ll show you around.”


	18. Boundaries

We weren’t there as ridiculously early as I had thought we would be considering that Sans, as a visitor, had to do a shit ton of paperwork. It took so long that Undyne and Alphys arrived only a couple minutes after we had gone into the main room. It only occurred to me once I saw the look on Undyne’s face that she hadn’t actually expected Sans to come.

Then again, that could’ve been what he was wearing.

Alphys had nearly squealed when she saw him. “Wow, Sans, you look amazing!”

“You too, Alphy.”

Normally, I wouldn’t let my sub talk out of turn, but Sans was new and I wasn’t entirely in Dom mode anyway. I wanted to keep all my attention on his comfort levels. I still wasn’t sure if he was cut out for this lifestyle yet. If he trusted anyone enough to use a safe word with them, it was probably me, but I was afraid his pride might keep him from doing it.

I’d even given him a warning word—safe words stopped play altogether but a warning was to tell the Dom to slow down or that they were extremely uncomfortable with what was happening. Since I—and even he—didn’t know what he was into yet, we needed to know if I was going in the opposite direction of pleasure. So his safe word was ‘heartbeat’ but his warning word was ‘bagel’. Which sounded stupid, but he really wanted it to be a bread product. He couldn’t put the puns away for five minutes, so I let it happen.

At that point, I grabbed out the cuffs that Alex and I used when we were subbing so I could put them on Sans.

He looked at the leather cuffs, black and softened from years of use, distrustfully.

“It’s more for your comfort than it is a dominance thing,” I told him. “So people don’t think you’re free to hit on.”

He looked up to me with his pupils so tiny I almost couldn’t see them.

“Hey, if you don’t like it, say the word. That’s what they’re for.”

He continued to stare before holding out his wrists for me. I put one leather cuff on each wrist, making sure they were visible over his shirt.  

“For now, we’ll watch a scene,” I told him. “Typically, you have to have permission to speak. Tonight, I won’t make you, but if we interact with other Doms, you gotta keep your mouth shut.”

He nodded a little, the white specs in his eyes still small with anxiety.

“You good?” I asked.

He nodded more fervently, and it was somehow endearing to see him so nervous. I gave him a little smile, running my finger quickly down the side of his face. The contact seemed to calm him a little, so when we started to walk, I put my arm around his waist protectively. I felt him look over to me, but I didn’t acknowledge it as I followed Undyne to a nearby scene.

It was two human men.

The sub was strapped to a bondage bench with his bare ass out for us all to see. The Dom was circling around him with a silk rope flogger in hand—it implied this wasn’t a punishment scene, because silk rope only hurt if you hit with all your strength, and even then it was a mild sting. Otherwise it was a tease. I didn’t use them much anymore myself. Too vanilla.

But this seemed like a good first scene for Sans to watch. It was innocent—well, as innocent as BDSM got.

“Tell me what you want,” the Dom said to the sub. The sub responded too quietly for me to hear and I leaned forward.

“Ah, come on, speak up!” Undyne called out. She was one of the biggest hecklers in the place, though it wasn’t uncommon for a Dom to yell out such things during a scene—she just did it first a lot of the time.

“For everyone to hear, slut,” the Dom said to his sub.

“I want the whip, Master.”

Howls of appreciation rang out and the Dom leaned in, licking at his ear slowly before stage-whispering, “And where do you want me to hit you with it?”

“My ass, sir, please! I need it!”

He smirked approvingly and smacked the red, silk flogger against his ass. The sound was sharp, so he must’ve put a lot of force behind it.

Clearly, the Dom knew what he was doing, because the sub was a fucking mess. You could see the evidence of his arousal dribbling between his legs. When the whip made contact, he mewled loudly and people jeered.

“He likes getting hit,” Sans said in my ear, sounding baffled.

“It’s what subspace does. The pain only enhances the pleasure.”

“Please,” the sub murmured loud enough for us to hear. “I need you to touch me while you hit me.”

“Is that what you need?” the Dom asked, and I found myself smiling. Alex was a bossy bottom too when she got too horny.

The sub groaned in something between frustration and pleasure as the Dom flicked the rope ever so slightly against his hip bone. So close to what he wanted and yet so far away.  

“Do you all think he deserves a break?” the Dom asked.

“Jesus, I feel bad for him, he’s so gone,” Sans said quietly. “I’d give it to him myself.” I chuckled, putting my arm more tightly around him.

“The denial is part of the game,” I replied. “It makes it better when you get what you asked for.”

“I feel like I need to feel it to get it, you know?”

I looked over to him. “I could arrange that.” He didn’t give me an expression I could read, so I continued, “Undyne and Alphys reserved a room. We could share.”

“Uh… then we’d be able to, you know, see them, right?”

“We’ve shared before,” I said with a shrug. “It’s not a big deal. There just aren’t many rooms, so it’s nice to share if you can and save the other rooms for people that have no one to share with.” He didn’t say anything. “So? What do you think?”

After a moment, he took in a steadying breath and said, “Well, go big or go home, I guess.”

* * *

 

We always had the Ocean Room because it was Undyne’s favorite. Though secretly I thought it was actually Alphy’s favorite—Undyne was one of those Doms that was actually letting her sub make every decision without admitting it aloud. I didn’t imagine there was a single thing Alphys could do to get herself punished. Maybe Undyne was too in love to be truly harsh, or maybe punishment was one of Alphys’ hard limits. It was hard to know. Not like I could ask—if I told Undyne I thought she was lax, she’d probably sock me.  

Once we got in the room, Undyne and Alphys minded their own business in one corner and Sans and I took the bed. It usually went this way when I was with Alex—Bonding had a lot less flailing than human sex and didn’t need as much space. Since we didn’t know how Bonding worked with humans, we kept the arrangement the same.

“Sit,” I told Sans, and he sat on the edge of the bed awkwardly, looking up at me. He was still scared, and I was so hyperaware of it being his first time that his fear worried me. Alex being scared made me laugh in her face… but somehow everything was different with Sans.

Sans was looking over at the other two, so I did as well. Undyne was giggling— _giggling_ , I tell you—as she unzipped Alphys’ dress, pressing her lips to her back every so often as she did.

I let Sans continue to watch their progression, watch as they both got closer to Bonding state.

It was kind of Monster terminology for being horny, honestly. It’s not like they glittered with magic or an unearthly wind swept through the room—they kind of just touched each other until… it happened.

Bonding itself was clearly something that needed to be experienced to be understood, because watching it, I couldn’t see anything. It was kind of a slow, methodical grind. They didn’t make noise and they kept their eyes closed, but once it was over, they were suddenly sweating and catching their breath like it’d been quite the workout. They’d tried to explain it to me before, but it didn’t seem to be something people knew how to describe efficiently.

I watched Sans’ face, which held its blank smile. Sans’ expressions still didn’t quite make sense to me. He was almost always smiling, whether he was happy or not, but I’d seen his mouth turn downwards before once or twice, and I’d even seen it close once. Now he was smiling like he usually would be, but I could see in his eyes that his mind was far off. It was impossible to tell if it was somewhere pleasant or not.

“Have you ever Bonded before?” I asked him gently.

“A long time ago,” he replied softly. “Real long. I barely remember what it felt like.”

Even having only an estimate of how long they lived based on things I’d heard in passing—for some reason it was something no Monster ever seemed to want to talk about—I knew that probably meant it’d been decades. Maybe centuries. Longer than I could fathom being alive at all, let alone not getting laid.

Considering this, I said earnestly, “If you don’t want your first time in a long time to be with me, that’s okay, you know.”

He looked over to me, seemingly a little taken aback by my comment. “That’s not what it is,” he told me, setting his hand on my bare thigh. There was that tingle again, the tingle I felt around Monsters. I’d gotten so used to it that I never noticed it anymore, but it was always stronger with Sans. When I first met him, I guessed he might be more powerful than other Monsters, but maybe it was something different than that entirely. Maybe it had to do with Bonding compatibility.

Or maybe I just really wanted to Bond with him and I was hoping I could convince myself it was meant to be.

“Are you sure?” I asked. “You know how much I care about consent—”

“Toots,” he interrupted, giving me a grin I knew was genuine. “I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather it be than you.”

The surety in his voice was comforting and I found myself wanting him. Badly.

“But not like this.”

I hadn’t realized I was leaning in until I abruptly stopped.

I opened my mouth in an attempt to speak once or twice before words actually came out. “Not like…”

He sighed tiredly. “Ri, I’ve never been here before. I’ve never done anything like this. And to be honest, it kinda scares me.” I felt like I’d done something wrong, like I needed to apologize. I was sitting there trying to figure out what to say when he seemed to realize what I was thinking. “I’m interested,” he said quickly. “Really interested. And this was my idea, so don’t think it’s on you. But the idea of anyone but me being in control… it makes me uncomfortable. I’ve had enough shit in my life be totally out of my control, and I don’t want this to be like that too. I dunno if that’s just unhealthy or—”

I didn’t want him to go there, so I cut him off, saying, “That’s not unhealthy. Not at all. Not everyone can be a sub—it’s scary, I know that from experience. Maybe you’re just one of those people that can’t sub.”

“Yeah, you might be right. Though I’d let you use that rope thing on me. It seemed kinda nice.”

I laughed—I wasn’t worried about disrupting the other two, since their silence indicated they were Bonding and a house could burn down around them without them noticing when they were in the middle of Bonding.

“We can try you out at Domming tonight if you want,” I told him.

“I thought you didn’t trust me enough to do it my first night.”

I’d never technically said that, but I understood where he got it from. With anyone else, it might be true.

I smiled a little. “I trust you a lot more than you give me credit for.”

He was still grinning, and he still had that hand on my thigh. “What do you say we go to that bar I saw out front and just get a drink?”

I thought I might be disappointed by the strictly not kinky direction this was turning… but I wasn’t. Not at all, actually. “Yeah, okay. Sure.”

“And maybe watch another scene. I kinda wanna see some schmuck getting in trouble.”

We stood as I laughed. “Yeah, you might just be a Dom at heart,” I said.

The conversation left a lot of questions open, and added questions that hadn’t been there before, but it also answered one:

What I felt for Sans wasn’t platonic friendship and it wasn’t casual lust. I didn’t want him here because he was someone to sleep with—I just wanted him with me. After we’d watched a couple scenes and ended up leaving to grab ice cream, I still was still having a blast, and I was so grateful that it has him with me.  

And it was hard to know, but that look in his eyes made me wonder if he felt the same.


	19. Halloween

Originally, Alex and I were going to do a matching costumes thing—she was going to be Thor and I was going to be Loki. Once she ended up being an asshole and going out of town, I considered changing my costume up, but I decided fuck it—Loki was still cool without Thor there. Alex and I had decided long and hard on whether to go completely butch with the costumes or make them a little feminine. We ended up deciding that since we were butch eighty-nine percent of the time and Halloween was about dressing up, we’d go for the girl thing.

So I’d spent months making my Loki costume, which was MCU accurate on the top and had a cute little skirt on the bottom. It was pretty fucking cool, and actually quite flattering, if I did say so myself. It’d been a little pricey, but Alex and I had justified the expense by saying that when we eventually got tickets to Comic Con someday, we’d be able to cosplay. For the occasion I’d re-dyed my hair, making it shades of dark blues and greens so it might look black in some lights—because if I actually dyed it black, I would have to re-bleach my hair afterwards and it would take ages. Straightening it and slicking it back against my head took some doing, since my curls could be a pain to tame, but the length was similar to Loki’s once it was straight, so it looked pretty accurate.

Once it got around to the others that I was going to be a supervillain, they all wanted to play along. Undyne went for Mystique—because, hello, she almost didn’t even have to dress up, since she had blue skin and red hair already. Papyrus said he wanted to be Lex Luthor—because he’s so charismatic and popular, he’d pointed out—and when I mentioned that unless he was going to make a Warsuit, it wouldn’t be obvious who he was since he’d basically just be wearing a suit, he’d replied that it’d be very obvious because he was bald.

I didn’t even touch that one.

Alphys was going for Magneto. Which I kind of thought was the most out of left field of any of them, but I definitely didn’t blame her for wanting to be him, so I didn’t question it.

I still had no idea what Sans was dressing as, but Papyrus informed me it was ‘very cool’ when I asked over text one day. When I’d told him to stop keeping secrets, it’d been Sans that texted me in response from his own phone.

_sans 8D (5:29pm): make me._

I’d clearly made a monster of him.

We all met up at Grillby’s, since New Snowdin was the closest to the Monster-friendly bars I was taking them to. I’d almost just gone to Sans and Papyrus’ place until I saw Undyne and Alphys standing outside Grillby’s already.

Undyne had gone for a comic book version of Mystique—AKA a clothed one—and it looked really good on her. I’d never seen her in something so feminine and she rocked it. Plus, I didn’t think Mystique could get more badass with the skull belt and thigh high boots, but now she had crazy defined arm muscles and an eye patch, and I had to say it really completed the look.

Alphys’ Magneto was every bit as adorable as Undyne’s Mystique was terrifying. If someone claiming to be a supervillain came in and said they were going to kill me and they looked like Alphys in a Magneto costume, I would be squealing at the cute as they crushed me beneath a car.

“I love your skirt,” Alphys told me, looking like she was feeling the same way about me as I was about her.

“And I love your whole look,” I responded.  

“Aint my girl cute?” Undyne asked, patting Alphys’ shoulder. She went beet red and whatever she’d been about to say died in her throat.

“RILEY!”

I was attacked from behind before I could turn. When I was able to see my assailant, I was impressed. Papyrus really was in a suit. And even if he looked a little closer to Jack Skellington than he did Lex Luthor, he was looking damn good. Downright dapper.

“Did Mettaton buy you that suit?” asked Alphys with a knowing glance.

Papyrus’ eyes got big. “No! I mean, yes. But I didn’t ask him to! He was just already buying clothes for Sans, you see…”

He kept on blabbering, but I stopped paying attention, since I’d just noticed Sans.

I don’t know what I had been thinking expecting anything but this.

“Why so serious?” he asked me, winking, and I laughed. He was going for a Jack Nicholson Joker, which I thought fit him a little better than the Heath Ledger one. Plus, it clearly hadn’t been too much work for him—throw on a purple, green, and orange pimp suit, a hat, and a little red around the mouth and the resemblance was already uncanny. The lack of green hair beneath the hat didn’t even matter, and he didn’t exactly need white face makeup. “Lookin’ good,” he told me, and I grinned, knocking his shoulder with my own.

Without further ado, I took them into town and to our first bar of the night. It was in an area that had several other Monster-friendly bars, so I planned to hop to each of them before the end of the night. The streets were packed, full of mostly-naked women and dudes trying to bang them.

One thing I loved about Halloween was that Monsters stood out less, since everyone was dressed up. It was hard to know what species someone was beneath the costume, so people minded their own business a little more.

I mean Papyrus being nearly seven feet tall gave him away, and even Undyne at six foot three was pushing it, since you didn’t see a woman over six feet every day, but overall we weren’t calling attention to ourselves. And even if we had, who the fuck cared? We had just as much right to be out as anyone else.

* * *

 

We were at our third bar of the night. I’d been saving up a lot for tonight, so I was buying lots of rounds. On top of that, two different groups of people recognized us and bought us each a drink. Papyrus wasn’t drinking, but he was having a good enough time without it that I didn’t feel weird about it. It didn’t matter that Sans refused to dance with us, because Paps danced enough for three skeletons.

But now that I was thinking about Sans, where had he gone? He’d been standing at the bar a minute ago—I knew, cuz I’d been kinda staring at him a little bit—but now he was nowhere to be seen.

I realized he was probably getting a smoke and told Papyrus I needed some air. He’d given me a thumbs up and repeated the message to Undyne and Alphys before I went outside and looked around for Sans. I didn’t see him, but it was still busy enough on the streets that it was hard to see anyone.

I took a couple steps in both directions before I realized the problem while glancing around—Sans had gone across the street. It was kind of a wonder I saw him at all, since he was standing in the shadows, but a purple suit stood out a bit.

He didn’t have his hat anymore, just like I didn’t have mine—hats got annoying after a while and mine had been pretty front-heavy. I’d have to change it up for Comic Con if I wanted to be able to wear it for an extended period of time.

He was, in fact, smoking, and his white pupils had a pale blue fuzziness to their edges that I’d come to associate with drunkenness. His red face paint was almost entirely washed away, but there was some red residue there—but that could’ve been ketchup residue for all I knew.

Once I found him, he didn’t look at me. He leaned against the wall, his eyes lazily flicking around as he watched the people pass. I wasn’t entirely sure he realized I was there.

“Hey, can I bum one?” I asked him. He held the pack out to me wordlessly, and then the lighter, and that’s when I knew something was wrong. He always lit my cigarette for me. “Was it just too hot in there?” I asked.

“Yeah, somethin’ like tha’.”

I was a little alarmed at the sound of his voice. I was certainly toasty, maybe halfway to drunk, but he was slurring his words. He was leaning against the wall, which made it hard to know how balanced he was, but I was willing to bet he was pretty unsteady. Had he been buying more shots while we were dancing? Did he have a gin-laced bottle of ketchup on him?

I didn’t know, but he had definitely had more than I had. A lot more.

“Uh, hey, you feeling okay?” I asked carefully.

“Yeah. Course. I’m always okay, Ri. When am I not okay?” He pushed away from the wall to say more, but he nearly fell over. I had to catch him as he giggled himself into hysterics.

Shit. He was way too drunk to stay in a bar where he could drink more.

I texted Papyrus, the most likely to check his phone in a timely manner, and told him I was taking Sans home and that he should get me and Sans’ hats from coat check when they left.

Luckily, we were still really close to New Snowdin. It wouldn’t be a long walk.

“Hey, Sans,” I said, my tone gentle, “what do you think about sitting down somewhere nice and comfortable?”

“Mmmm,” he replied, closing his eyes. “Tha’—tha’s nice.”

“That’s what I thought,” I said, putting my arm around him. He helpfully swung an arm around me too and we wobbled our way towards New Snowdin.

* * *

 

We made it back to his apartment without event and I sat him on the couch. I sniffed some ketchup bottles to look for one that wasn’t laced with gin—and I was a little surprised when it took me twelve tries to find one. Jesus, how often was he day drinking?

But that was a different problem entirely. I needed to sober him up, but I didn’t know how to. I mean, did it even work the same as humans?

Then, when I was halfway out of the kitchen with the safe-smelling ketchup bottle I’d selected, I remembered my Monster Candy from when I went to the Underground. Monster food had healing abilities.

It was still in my purse, so I took it out and handed it to Sans.

He looked up at me, still unfocussed. “Whereju ge’ this?”

“In your kitchen,” I said. I thought it’d been too quick and he’d see right through it, but clearly he was too drunk for that type of perception, since he just shrugged and stuffed it in his mouth. I took the wrapper from him and put it back in my purse, folded up neatly as a sort of souvenir of my would-definitely-be-frowned-upon day trip.

Sans had gone quiet, staring ahead of him at the blank TV. I sat next to him, daring to put my hand on his leg. He didn’t flinch away—in fact, he didn’t react at all to the contact. He just kept staring.

“Sans?” I asked after a while, feeling like I couldn’t let this go on.

I knew what was coming. Drunkenness and depression were often bedfellows, but I’d sure hoped it wouldn’t come to this. It was why I’d wanted to sober him up as quick as I could, because it’d been obvious enough that his mind was going to dark places.

But if I couldn’t stop it from happening, I was glad I was there to help.

“It’s all going to reset. And then what am I gonna do?”

His voice was clearer than before—the candy had evidently sobered him up enough to get rid of his slur—but that didn’t make me any less bewildered. It was a common occurrence for me to be completely baffled by something one of my Monster friends said, but this was maybe the most confusing thing I’d ever heard from one of them. I couldn’t even begin to understand what he meant.

So I didn’t say anything.

Not that it mattered. He just kept talking.

“I don’t know if you’ll remember, but I’ll remember. I’ll know and I’ll have to go all the way back. It was better before I remembered. When it was all just… impressions. But now…” He shook his head, continuing with a slightly frustrated tinge to his tired voice, “I told myself not to get comfortable. I told myself there was no point. But I did anyway and… eventually, I’m gonna lose it all. Again.”

I was lost. Completely lost. But he was hurting, that much was obvious, and I hated it. I rubbed my hand soothingly up and down his thigh and he turned to me. “Ri, don’t you get it? Don’t you see? You’re a human. You’re like Frisk. You know. The golden lights mess with time.”

The golden lights. This was the first thing in the conversation I could begin to understand—even though by all rights I shouldn’t have known about the lights, I did. And they… what, messed up time? He was worried time… was going to reset?

“Sans, it’s gonna be alrigh—”

“No, it’s not!” he snapped. “I can’t do this again, Riley. Because what if this time Papyrus dies again? I can’t go through that again! I can’t, don’t you get it?”

No, I didn’t get it, not any of it, but if Sans was having some drunken waking nightmare about Papyrus dying, then I totally understood what was getting him so worked up. There was nothing he cared about more than Papyrus.

“You won’t lose Papyrus,” I said. “Never.”

“You don’t know that. I did before. I could again.”

I opened my mouth to assure him that he was just drunk, that he’d never lost Papyrus before, but the words somehow felt like a lie on my tongue, and so I swallowed them.

“You can’t know how this feels,” he finally told me.

I wished he weren’t still smiling, because now that I was watching him in this much distress, it felt wrong.

“Sans…”

I didn’t know what to say or what to do… so I ended up lacing my arm around his body and coaxing his head onto my shoulder. He curled his legs up into his body, halfway onto my lap, and his skeletal fist balled in the fabric of my skirt. My cheek was resting against the top of his head, and somehow him against me wasn’t sharp edges and discomfort, like maybe a skeleton ought to have been. He fit next to me like he was always meant to be there.  

“Ri, I don’t want to lose you either.”

I squeezed my arms around him tighter.

“I’m not going anywhere if I have a thing to say about it.”

There was a long silence where I wondered what Sans might say… until he started to snore quietly and I sighed in relief. I had dealt with my fair share of sad drunk people before, but usually I knew to a point what they were talking about.

And usually they didn’t talk about their brother dying at all, let alone their brother dying _again_.

But what he’d said… it implied that there was some manipulation of time in the Underground. But nobody had ever mentioned anything like that before.

_Don’t you see? You’re a human. You’re like Frisk. You know._

Me being human meant I should know what he meant.

I heaved a deep sigh. Even sober this mystery would be baffling, and I was still pretty tipsy. I wasn’t going to figure this out now, so there was no point dwelling on it.

Since he was snuggling in my side and there was no way I was going to be moving anytime soon, I let myself fall asleep.


	20. Sorrow

**Thursday, November 19 th: Clear as Mud**

**“When you see as much of time as I do, you just start laughing. It helps.”**

**I remember this line because it had been chilling when he first said it.**

**I have been working through what every clue he’s ever given me might mean. I knew there was a story. I just had to find it.**

**Time is not what it seems.**

**Humans know.**

**Sans knows.**

**It resets.**

**People die sometimes.**

**Then they un-die.**

**It’s the lights that do it.**

**Sans can see it, but he can’t control it.**

**Humans can control it.**

**They use the lights to control it.**

**I’ve seen the lights.**

**I might be able to do what he is so afraid of me doing.**

**If he knew, he would be furious.**

**Now that I know the power I’ve given myself, I’m almost angry I was so naïve.**

I started deleting that last part. Whether he would be angry wasn’t relevant. Then I started deleting the whole entry, because none of this was relevant to what I was _supposed_ to be writing, since I sure as hell wasn’t posting an entry about Sans’ drunken breakdown. But I felt so close to understanding the mystery Sans kept giving me little pieces of that I’d been nearly obsessing over trying to figure it out for several weeks now.

Not to mention Alex had been working a ton—and thus sleeping a ton—lately, which meant I was alone a lot more often than I might usually be.

I checked the time and cursed. It was too late to go to class—I’d be way late if I left now. I’d gotten ready to go too early, so I’d sat down to write a little before leaving… but I’d gotten so worked up in what I was doing that I’d forgotten about the going to class part.

Papyrus had also texted me while I was at it.

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (11:36am): WE ARE STILL MEETING FOR LUNCH TODAY, CORRECT?_

I was a little surprised that he texted to confirm, since usually he would only text me something like that if I were already a bit late—plus, I wasn’t such a dick that I didn’t tell him when I had to cancel and I was pretty sure he knew that by now.

_Riley (11:52am): Yeah. Actually, want to meet early?_

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (11:52am): YES OF COURSE. WHEN?_

_Riley (11:58am): I can walk to your place now if you’re ready._

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (11:58am): I’M READY. SEE YOU SOON._

* * *

 

Once I was there, he was waiting outside for me. I glanced through the window to see if Sans was there, thinking I might just say hi if he happened to be in the front room, but I couldn’t see him. For a moment I thought of inviting him along, but these lunches with Papyrus were our thing that we did together, just us, and I didn’t feel right inviting Sans, even if Paps was too kindhearted and inclusive to ever feel badly about it.

“Hello human,” he said before calling the Riverperson. The trip took significantly shorter when I had the Riverperson taking me and I decided I really needed to stop taking the subway to meet Papyrus in New Hotland when I could just walk to New Snowdin instead.

We walked to the restaurant in almost complete silence, but it still took me until we had our food to realize that Papyrus was strangely subdued. I asked him about work and he had very little to say. I told him that someone left a really nice comment on the entry about puzzles and he only half smiled.

“How’d you sleep?” I asked, because I figured he might be tired.

“Oh, fine,” he replied, playing with his spaghetti but not really eating it. “I got the usual three hours.” He was leaning his face on his hand, staring at the wall.

I didn’t really know what to say because I’d never seen Papyrus down before. Did he want to talk about it? What kind of things upset a guy like Papyrus?

He didn’t seem like the type to beg for attention without actually asking for it. If he wanted people to look at him, he’d usually say so, so I figured that if he wanted to talk about whatever was wrong, he’d just start talking.

In the meantime, I kept trying to chat him up in the hopes it might make him feel better.

And then, as we were leaving the restaurant, I accidentally hit the nail on the head.

“What’s Sans been up to lately? He hasn’t been hanging out with the group as much. Is he finally looking for a job?”

Papyrus proved that there truly was a first time for everything, because he was silent. He had nothing at all to say.

He _never_ had nothing to say.

We walked a couple more steps before I made myself say what I was afraid to even think.

“Paps… is something wrong with Sans?”

He stopped walking and then looked down at me with his eye sockets huge, his lower jaw quivering.

“Papyrus. What’s happened to Sans?” I asked, trying to keep the urgency from my voice. He just kept standing there, looking down at me like he was gonna cry, so I took his hand and led him to a bench nearby. “Papyrus?” I asked again, putting my hand on his leg to try to get his attention.

He looked over to me. “I don’t know,” he finally said. “But it’s been happening since Halloween. I hoped you knew.”

This was about _that_? I hadn’t imagined that was still on his mind the way it was on mine. In fact, I’d figured he might have blacked it out, considering how drunk he’d been.

“Oh,” I murmured. “Well… I didn’t really understand a lot of what he was saying. He was saying something about… time resetting. And…” I almost added, ‘and you dying’ and thought better of it. I couldn’t say that, not to Papyrus. I didn’t want to upset him more.

Then I noticed the look on Papyrus’ face. He nodded in a resolute sort of way, like this was the answer he had been expecting. “I thought it might be something like that.”

“You know what he was talking about?” I asked.

He twiddled his thumbs in his lap and stared at them instead of looking at me. “I don’t know a lot,” he finally said. “Just bits and pieces he’s told me when he smokes too much of the marijuanas or drinks too much alcohol. I know that… Sans sees things we don’t. He’s watched a lot of people get hurt. I think…” He paused, squeezing his boney fingers together so hard that I heard a quiet popping sound like he’d accidentally cracked his knuckles. “I think he’s seen me get hurt too and it scares him to remember it.”

I considered this. So sometimes time reset, and when it did, Sans sometimes saw people get injured.

Or maybe even die.

Our new world, complete with Monsters, was too strange for me to think he was just crazy, but it certainly was a lot to get my head around. Why did Sans see these things? Why was time resetting—I knew it had to do with humans, but _how_?

“How do you know this is on his mind?” I asked. “What got you worried?”

“He’s barely doing anything at all,” Papyrus sighed. “He sleeps almost all the time, and when he’s awake, he doesn’t talk. He sleeps in my bed usually. Normally I wouldn’t let him, but now…” He looked off into the distance and I took one of his hands in mine. He returned my grip gratefully and I winced at the pressure on my fingers wordlessly.

“Has this happened before?” I asked.

“Yes,” he responded quietly.

“And how did you fix it?”

“I don’t know. I guess I try to convince him that right now is worth living, whether it all disappears or not. I say it enough and he eventually believes me.”

I looked over at him and felt a little guilty, because sometimes I patronized Papyrus. I would never admit it aloud, but sometimes I treated him like he was a stupid child, but that was completely unfair. He had a wisdom, a goodness, that anyone should admire.

And so, in the spirit of treating him like the adult he was, I said, “You’ve died before. That’s what he told me. He watched you die. In fact… I think that human in the cowboy hat did it.”

Papyrus looked less shocked than I expected. “The Great Papyrus is observant enough to have figured that much.”

I found myself grinning through my concern. “How Sans could resist charm like yours I just don’t know. I don’t think it’s possible to be sad around you.”

He went a little pink, but didn’t say anything for a while. I just sat there with him for a long time, trying to be supportive. I wished I could do more.

As if he’d heard me think it, he said, “I wanted to ask you a favor.”

“Of course. Anything.”

“I wondered… My brother likes being around you. It makes him happy. I wondered if you would try… to cheer him up.”

I stood up, determination surging through me. Knowing that Sans wasn’t doing well made me want to do anything, everything, to fix it. Just sitting still felt like a waste of time. “Sure. Yeah. I’d love to try.”

“Just know… It’s very hard to look at him when he’s like this.”

I swallowed, but nodded. “Okay. I’m ready.”

* * *

 

We made our way back to their place and I found myself nervous. What state was I going to find Sans in? The thought of him hurting made me sick to my stomach.

We walked in the house and Papyrus froze.

“What is it?” I asked.

He just started walking again in response to my question, and within a moment, my inquiry was answered. Papyrus’ hearing was better than mine, so he heard it before me.

But once we were in the hallway, I heard quiet sobbing. Sobbing I knew, sobbing I could never forget, because an Echo Flower had once whispered it to me.

I found my hand reaching for Papyrus’ and he took it once again, and I was almost concerned he’d break my fingers. I relished in the pain, because it focused my mind on the task at hand—I couldn’t let myself be overwhelmed by the sadness I would feel when I saw Sans in whatever state I was going to see him in. This wasn’t about me.

I thought I was finally going to see Sans’ room, but Papyrus turned to his own. I remembered that he’d said Sans was sleeping in his bed a lot.

Papyrus opened the door a crack and there Sans was in Papyrus’ racecar bed. He was lying on his side, his fingers gripping his head. His eyes were closed and he was shaking. He had glowing blue tears streaking down his cheeks.

“Sans?” asked Papyrus. He didn’t respond. “He’s asleep,” Papyrus told me. “He’s been having a lot of nightmares.”

I just stared at the sight before me, not knowing what to do.

“He’s very disoriented when he wakes up,” Papyrus told me. “Stand over there while I wake him.”

I nodded and stood by the computer as Papyrus walked over to Sans and took his shoulders.

“Brother,” Papyrus said. “Wake up.”

It was silent for a long moment. Then a quiet chorus came from Sans’ lips: “No no no no no no no…”

I bit my lip at the burning sensation behind my eyes as I looked into his tormented face.

“Sans,” Papyrus said more urgently.

“No, please no,” Sans whimpered, beginning to sob again.

Papyrus shook his limp shoulder. “ _Sans_!”

Sans, all of a sudden, bolted upright, his eyes empty as he gasped in a frantic breath. Waking him up didn’t calm him. He stared ahead, unseeing, and started to hyperventilate, mumbling incoherently to himself.

“Sans, you have to look at me!” Papyrus said. “Brother, please!”

Sans went from breathing too hard to not breathing at all for a long moment. I thought maybe he’d realized where he was…

But then his head fell into his hands as he wept loudly. My hand went to my mouth as I watched him fall to pieces there on Papyrus’ bed.

“No!” Sans yelled. “NO NO _NO_!”

He was trembling so hard his bones were rattling.

Papyrus sat in front of him, gripping his shoulders. “Sans, please. Please, it’s okay.”

“I can’t,” Sans moaned, looking up and apparently not comprehending Papyrus in front of him. “Not again. Not _again_.”

“SANS! LOOK AT ME!”

Immediately, Sans’ pupils reappeared in his eyes and he finally focused on his brother. I’d never seen his pupils so big. His crying went silent as he stared at his brother like he hadn’t seen him in a thousand years.

“Papyrus?” he asked, his voice quivering.

“Yes. I’m right here.”

With an unsteady hand, Sans reached out and touched his fingers to Papyrus’ face. “Papyrus,” he said again.

Then he sprang forward, hugging Papyrus hard and sobbing into his shoulder.

“Brother,” Papyrus whimpered, and Sans gripped him tighter.

“You’re okay,” he said into Papyrus’ shirt. “You’re okay.”

“Yes. I’m fine.”

Then Papyrus looked over to me, golden tears in the corners of his eyes, and nodded his head infinitesimally. As if I was supposed to go over.

But I was completely overwhelmed.

Who did I think I was, thinking I could fix hurts this deep—hurts I clearly didn’t understand? I was invading on something private. Sans didn’t want me here. I needed to just leave before he noticed me.

I started towards the door.

“Riley?”

I froze and looked over to Sans, whose eyes had met mine over Papyrus’ shoulder.

I considered going back to my corner, or apologizing for intruding and leaving.

But then I realized that I couldn’t just stand here, and I couldn’t run away. I was not a stranger to pain, nor to depression, and maybe there was nothing in the world I could do for him, but I had to try.

“I brought her here because I thought she might cheer you up,” Papyrus said.

Sans let go of Papyrus and a sad little smile found his mouth as he rubbed at his face, trying to destroy the evidence of his tears. “More like embarrass me to death, bro.”

“Quiet, you,” Papyrus said. “Riley is very cool and she will make you feel better.”

“She doesn’t want to see me like this, Paps.”

“There’s no way I don’t want to see you,” I told him before I really registered what I was saying. He watched me with careful confusion and I took a breath before continuing. “I care about you. Every part of you. I want to be here for you no matter what.”

Cyan tears began to well in his eyes again. “But you’re crying, kid,” he said weakly.

I didn’t notice that I was until he said it, but I wasn’t ashamed, so I didn’t wipe the tears away. I came forward and sat on the edge of the bed next to Papyrus. “Because I hate to know that you’re hurting so much,” I told him. “I never want you to hurt like this. But I want to be here because I want you to know how loved you are. And love is worth feeling, even if you’re afraid it might not be permanent.”

A single tear streamed down from one of his eyes and he reached a tentative hand out for my face, running the back of one finger down my jaw, as if making sure I was really there.

“Oh Ri. How could anyone feel unloved with you around?”

I smiled and he did too and the movement of his face made another tear fall. He leaned his head into Papyrus’ shoulder, but he put a hand out for me and I took it. It buzzed with something more than magic once again and I fell forward, putting my own head into the crook of his neck.

“It’s going to be okay,” I told him. I didn’t know if it was true, but I wanted it to be, and I hoped that sheer force of will could make it so.

And we sat there like that for a long time, until Sans no longer was crying. We sat for longer still, and nobody seemed to feel the need to talk.

“Hey,” Sans said quietly. “Rye bread.”

I smiled at the use of nickname. “Yeah?”

“We’re going **tibia** sore if we don’t move soon.”

Papyrus couldn’t even bring himself to groan. He cackled quietly and I laughed.

“Come on,” Sans said. “Let’s go to Grillby’s.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “Let’s go.”

We stood and he looked at me. And I didn’t know if I imagined it, but something felt different than before.

It took me getting halfway out of the house to realize that I hadn’t let go of his hand.

And somehow I didn’t even care.


	21. Ambush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For trigger warnings, check the note at the bottom of the chapter.

It was never a question to me that I didn’t want to get in a fight with Undyne. She was seriously buff, she had sharp-ass teeth, and she talked just big enough for me to figure she could go through with it.

But there was also no part of me that wanted to test that theory.

Alphys and Undyne were walking on either side of me, as they often did when it was only the three of us. It was some attempt at inclusion, which I kind of liked, honestly.

It was past midnight in early December, which meant it was freezing. Considering we were in New Hotland, there was an irony to the fact that it was snowing. I wondered if Alphys, accustomed as she had been to living in a volcanic area of the Underground, hated the snow. Undyne clearly did and the area she had lived in had been pretty cool itself, from what I remembered.

I kept forgetting to ask Papyrus for the Riverperson’s number, which I was regretting right about now. I didn’t want to have to worry about public transportation, but I couldn’t walk all the way home at this time of night—it was asking for trouble. So I was on my way to the subway station and Undyne and Alphys were making sure I got there safely. I’d told them not to bother—this was a Slum, after all, it’s not like I was in danger. On top of that New Hotland stayed active extra late, since some of its resident Monsters didn’t like sleeping much. The streets were far from deserted.

But Undyne was nothing if not chivalrous and Alphys was nothing if not an anxious mess—which meant neither of them were willing to let me go without an escort.

We didn’t always walk through the alley to get to the station from their apartment because it was actually a little longer, since it wound around and left you having backtracked a bit, but it was completely covered and Undyne really wanted to avoid the snow. The crush of ice beneath my feet was replaced with a splashing of water where it wasn’t quite freezing under the awning.

Alphys was quietly telling us about an anime she had started watching. Alex was usually the one she talked to about things like this, but as she wasn’t there at the time, it fell upon us to listen to her. Not that we weren’t fans of anime ourselves, because we definitely were. Undyne loved anything with fighting and some of my favorite shows were anime. But when Alphys got talking about it, she kind of talked faster than any sentient creature should be able to comprehend, so it was just a mindless babble that so far only Alex could translate. Because of this Undyne and I hadn’t replied in a while—we just gave one another knowing, fond glances and it was enough.

“Well, well, well. What have we here?”

We all froze, turning to find that two human men were standing behind us.

“You got a problem, punk?” Undyne asked. It was the same line she’d given me when I bumped into her so many months ago at the club.

“Hey, we don’t need to have any problem at all. You and T-Rex here just scamper along. Our business isn’t with you.”

Then his eyes met mine with a hunger I recognized and my stomach tied itself into horrible knots as I realized who his business _was_ with.

I had a moment to consider how ridiculous this was. I was wearing a tee-shirt, a scarf, gloves, baggy jeans, and a long, black pea coat. There was nothing feminine or flattering about the outfit. I liked it for the express purpose that it hid my hourglass figure, which on my more butch days annoyed the hell outta me. People always said that women got called out for dressing like hoes. Considering that no skin but my face was showing, this was conclusive proof that the clothes theory was bullshit.

“You wanna dance?” Undyne hissed, and these dudes were _insane_ for not being afraid of her. She looked ready to slaughter them.

But the taller one with blond hair that had already been speaking gave a darkly amused smile. “We know by now that you freaks can’t actually dance. You’re useless against humans.”

I looked over to Undyne, ready to watch her pummel him for questioning her ability to thrash them, but I saw her eye widen and her confident smile waver.

What did he mean, useless? Why would they be?

“C-c-come o-on,” Alphys said. “Let’s—let’s j-just go, okay?”

She was right. There was no reason to stand here and take this. If we ran the other way, they wouldn’t honestly chase us, right? And even if they did, we were almost to the end of the alleyway. Once we got out to the main street, there would be a million Vulkins and Tsunderplanes to witness their bullying and they’d let it go.

And that plan was all well and good before I turned around and saw that there were two more guys behind us, even bigger than the first. They were grinning like wolves, eyes shining with a sick joy at having trapped three people that hadn’t wanted any trouble. I didn’t even have my pepper spray on me—I was in a Monster Slum, for Christ’s sake, it didn’t occur to me that I’d ever need it there.

Bad day to have that kind of lapse in judgement, clearly.

“Couldn’t have a fair fight, could you?” I asked.

It was a tendency of mine to start mocking people when I felt cornered and helpless. I was aware the habit was kind of a dangerous one, but it was a compulsion at this point—I couldn’t help the bile that turned to sarcasm on my tongue.

“Why bother?” the same guy said, seeming to be the only one with enough brain cells to attempt spoken language. “The prize isn’t winning the fight, now is it?”

I was somewhere between terrified and furious, not able to really tell where on the spectrum I fell. “Wow, charming,” I spat. “No wonder you find your fuckbuddies in alleys.”

Without warning, the two guys behind us hit Alphys and Undyne on the back of the head and, with no resistance at all, they both fell to the ground. I stared down at Undyne, the greatest soldier from the Underground, as she lie in a motionless heap beside a dumpster.

I couldn’t help but think, _Fuck, they’re not dead, right?_ But Monsters conveniently turned to dust when they died, so I had immediate proof that they weren’t.

Which left me to worry about the predicament I was now in.

Two parts of my personality were warring inside of me—part of me wanted to dissolve into anxiety, to shake and scream and cry because I _couldn’t_ go through this again.

The other part wanted to sneer, wanted to tell them exactly what I thought of them, wanted to start swinging and not stop until they _made_ me stop. 

Because of the fact that neither side could win the fight for dominance, I was left frozen, staring at the only one who had spoken to me. He was descending on me, all leisurely because he knew nobody could stop him. I was looking around for possible exits, but what could I do?

I couldn’t get to my phone without them noticing, since it was under several layers of clothing—and even if I could, what would a phone call do now? The cops wouldn’t arrive in time. They might even decide not to come if they realized it was a call from a Monster Slum.

I couldn’t run past them on either side—they’d catch me.

This wasn’t like the movies with some last-second chance to get away—no door hidden in shadow, no convenient fire escape.

In the moment of mania, I thought of Sans. “No fire escape in Hotland?” he would say. “That doesn’t seem right.”

Not that I wanted him to be here. If Undyne got knocked out in one hit, what would happen to that poor, silly skeleton?

“Not so mouthy now, are you, little cunt?”

I realized I’d thought all of this in only a couple seconds and that all the brainstorming in the world wasn’t going to stop this from happening.

My right hand started to tremble, which was the very first thing that happened when I was going to have a panic attack. Maybe they wouldn’t want to fuck me anymore if I was panicking. Not very sexy.

The thought didn’t help. I sucked in a hysterical breath before I could stop myself, and the sick fuck—he _smiled_. My fear excited him. My horror was making his cock hard enough to see through his jeans and _I couldn’t stop this_.

“ _Please_.” The word bubbled out of my mouth and my stomach clenched with shame at the thought of begging to this monster. “Please, you don’t have to do this,” I continued to babble. I saw the sadism in his eyes and I knew it wasn’t doing any good, but I couldn’t make my mouth shut. “Please. _Please_.”

He came forward and slapped me. I’d only been slapped in bed and it was nothing like that. It hurt more than I expected, but it was my pride more than anything that felt injured. Slapping someone for real was a direct sap of their dignity.

“Shut up, bitch.”

No. I couldn’t go down like this. I _couldn’t_. He was close now. I could swing out and try to hit him. I had a lot of weight to back me up and he would surely not expect something like that, so I might surprise him just enough to run past. Get him right in the nose. Maybe I could even just try for a kick to the nuts—I wasn’t even mildly against playing dirty right now.

Which did nothing for the other three guys, I realized. I had shit reflexes.

The anxiety was flooding my quick burst of courage, using logic to beat it into submission.

If I fought, this would only end up worse.

Before I could decide what to do, the man grabbed me by my scalp and forced me to look at him. I winced as hairs were tugged from my head, but I gritted my teeth and glared at him.

“You know, we didn’t come here for you,” he told me. “We came to punch a couple Monsters is all. If you would’ve just stayed with your own kind, this wouldn’t be happening.”

Oh, that was just adorable. The strict anti-Monster sentiment sprayed gas on the rage-fire that was already roiling in the cocktail of emotion inside of me. “Your breath stinks,” I hissed at him.  

He smiled again. “I love a woman with spirit,” he said. “It’s so fun to beat it out of them.”

The shaking in my hand had now found my whole arm, half panic and half vehemence. The other guys were chuckling.

I watched, nearly in slow motion, as his hand started towards me. I don’t know where he intended to touch me, but I already decided I didn’t want to find out. I was readying my leg to whip out the sac-smash of a lifetime—

“Looks like you wanna have a bad time.”

My stomach did a nauseating flip as it felt relief at the sound of a familiar voice and then immediately dropped in dread as I realized that he was the exact person I hadn’t wanted to be here.

The man holding me was so surprised by the voice that he let go of me. I turned just enough to see Sans standing near the end of the alley, his eyes empty black holes and his grin malicious. He looked like the grim reaper in fuzzy slippers.

“Get out of here, Boney.”

“ _Boney_? Wow, that was a good one. I’m scared now.”

Sans, you fucking moron. Get out of here.

I’d rather them just take me if it would keep them from hurting him.

I considered still going for the kick. The guy was distracted. They all were. It was good timing. Problem was, fear was trying to freeze up my limbs. I had to get it under control.

“What do you _want_ , freak?” the guy scoffed. “Want to get to know my knife?” 

“I’m pretty sure nobody wants to get to know your two inch knife, buddy.”

Come on, Riley, you useless lump.

“I’m going to give you exactly one chance to let this go,” Sans continued. “You run with your tails between your legs, I take my friends here somewhere where you aint stinkin’ up the place, and we depart as unlikely friends. Whaddaya say?”

Sans certainly had a lot of big talk in that small body of his, I thought in frustration.

Then again, so did I, considering the fact that I still hadn’t moved.

“I say go fuck yourself!”

“Alright,” Sans said morosely. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

I wanted to tell him to stop acting tough and get the hell outta there. Seeing another friend knocked out wasn’t going to help my situation. Hopefully he’d at least tried to call the cops before barging in.

Instead of saying any of that, my leg flew upward and made contact with the guy’s groin. He cried out and fell to his knees. I turned to tell Sans to run—

The guy directly in front of him abruptly flew to the side, smashing into the brick wall and collapsing to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

All the rest of us froze, staring.

What the hell had just happened?

Sans had his hand extended out in front of him.

Did he do that… with his mind?

He then flicked his hand to the right and the other guy directly in front of me crashed into the other wall, crumpling just the same.

Part of me wanted to marvel at the impossible things happening around me, but my survival instinct reminded me that there were people behind me. I turned to look at the guy I’d kicked and his lackey, who were no longer paying an ounce of attention to me.

I wouldn’t either if I were them.

I had only just turned when the third wordless mook flew high into the air, falling on his leg with a sickening crack. I winced, but I was never squeamish, so I didn’t focus on it for long. I looked to the last guy, the talker, who had gotten off his knees and was staring at Sans with wide eyes.

“Okay, okay, wait a second,” he said breathily. “I didn’t mean—I don’t want no trouble, alright? You’re right. Let’s just call it a truce.”

I looked at Sans again. His eyes—oh god. I thought from my first glance that they were still empty, but one of them had a blue orb of light—it looked like a human eyeball with an iris and a black pupil, but it was glowing eerily the way his tears did and almost seemed to be on fire, a cyan flame licking the top of his eye socket.

As I watched, it vanished. “I’m glad you came around, buddy,” Sans said.

He sounded pleasant enough, but I stayed still, watching him carefully. His smile was still all wrong and his eyes were still empty.

He started to walk forward.

“Nice kick, Ri,” Sans told me. “Definitely deserved that. Guess you knocked some sense into him.”

I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to reply to prove that I was alright, but in all honesty, I wasn’t sure I _was_ okay at all. Plus, his expression was so unsettling that I was having trouble thinking about much anything else, including trying to talk.

He was walking so slowly, like he had all the time in the universe to get over to his prey.

“Man, it sucks it got so messy,” Sans continued when I said nothing. “Didn’t have to. Just want to protect my friends, see? I didn’t even want to get off my couch tonight, so you really caused me a big hassle, pal. You see what I mean.”

“Yes, of course,” the guy said quickly. “I’m sorry. Really sorry.”

“I can tell. Remorse is good.”

He was standing next to me and I swore that even in the winter air, his body was radiating coldness that I could feel through my layers.

“Shake on it?” Sans asked.

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” he agreed immediately.

Sans put out his arm while leaning forward and the guy put his out too.

Then Sans’s eye came back to life, flashing blue and yellow as he whispered, just loud enough for me to hear, “Get dunked on.”

Then the guy flew into the air and landed in the dumpster.

Sans turned to me, his eyes back to empty pits. “Come on,” he said roughly. He gripped me and I was pulled immediately into crushing darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Attempted sexual assault.


	22. Safety

I felt like I was being tugged through a metal pipe that wasn’t quite wide enough to fit me while a giant clothespin pinched my brain for only a second before I materialized in a room I didn’t recognize.

“Gotta get the others. I’ll be back in a just a minute,” he told me, flashing away.

It had occurred to me before that he was able to move very quickly, quicker than I was able to see, but this was the first time I fully comprehended that he could teleport. I had a feeling it wasn’t a common talent among Monsters, since they usually called the Riverperson for rides.

I didn’t have long to ponder it, since he really was back in fifty-three seconds. He sat down beside me on the bed, close enough that his sweater-clad arm was pressed against my own. “I put them at their place and shoved Face Steaks down their throats. They’ll wake up once the food kicks in. I’d stay and make sure, only Undyne’s gonna be embarrassed as hell that she got knocked out that easy. I think me babying her would only make her more upset. I can just imagine the look on her face if I tried to nurse her back to health.” He shook his head, chuckling at the thought. The words got halfway to me—enough for me to register that it would actually be pretty funny to watch Undyne’s fit of rage at being treated as in invalid, but words that might be appropriate to reply with didn’t even occur to me. It seemed I’d somehow forgotten how to speak a language I was fluent in fifteen minutes ago. Then he added, “I should text her and tell her you’re okay for when she wakes up.”

I really didn’t know if he expected a response. I really wasn’t sure if I cared.

He got out his phone and his boney fingers clacked away at the touch screen. I always wondered how he could even use touch screens, since you’d think bone wouldn’t be a material it would recognize.

I shouldn’t have been focusing on that detail, but it was the little things that were coming to me at the moment. I was on a bed that was partially taken up by an impressive wad of sheets. The floor was covered in socks and there was a brand-new looking treadmill in one corner.

So I’d finally made it into Sans’ room.

The skeleton in question had stopped texting and was watching me carefully, like he thought I might explode. 

I ignored his gaze and found myself kind of impressed that his room was almost as messy as my own. Though the smell wasn’t great. Maybe I could buy him some air fresheners.

And then I started sobbing.

It all hit me at once and I put my head in my hands, shaking so hard it hurt. Immediately Sans’ arms were around me—he’d clearly knew this was coming—and I leaned into his chest. Whereas before he’d seemed strangely cold, he was warm now, almost like a comfortable furnace. I gripped his sweater in shaking hands.

“Hey, kid, it’s okay,” he told me. “You’re gonna be just fine.”

His rumble of a voice was somewhat soothing, but it wasn’t calming my breathing any. But I wasn’t panicking. That was the good part. Crying I could handle, but I didn’t want him to watch me have a panic attack.

My sobbing started to die down quickly as I forced myself to stop out of sheer force of will, but the horrible thoughts spiraling through my head didn’t want to dissipate.

Well, one thought, really. Just one. Over and over.

_I thought it was going to happen again._

Sans froze against me, the warmth his chest had brought me vanishing. “Again?” he asked quietly.

Shit, I said that out loud. Not good. I couldn’t have this conversation. Not now—maybe not ever. I forced myself to speak clearly even though my crying had me halfway to hiccups. “Nothing, Sans.”

“No,” he said, putting his hands on my shoulders so he could look at me with his empty eyes. “what the fuck do you mean _again_?”

I shook my head. “Don’t worry about—”

“ _Riley_ —”

And I lost it. I screamed at him, “I don’t want to fucking talk about that right now, so let it go!”

His pupils immediately reappeared, larger than usual. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I didn’t mean—”

“I didn’t either,” I sighed. “Just… forget it.”

The outburst had thankfully distracted me from crying, so I was only pitifully sniffling when I turned a little away from him and looked at the floor.

“Hey, don’t be angry,” he said gently. “I’m sorry. I just—the thought that anyone…” He stopped talking and I could see him wringing his skeletal fingers in his lap.

“I’m not angry,” I told him after a moment. “I’m just not a huge fan of…” I sighed. “I feel weak right now and I don’t want you to see me like that.”

He let out a harsh chuckle. “Kid, I know _exactly_ how that is.” It took me that long to remember that I’d just seen him in a pretty similar state only a couple weeks ago. He’d felt as humiliated then as I did now… but maybe he also felt the relief at having me there, because I was certainly glad to have him by my side right about then.

I looked over to him. “I guess thanks are in order,” I said, wiping my eyes and thanking the heavens I wasn’t wearing makeup today. “Are they all dead?” The question was more detached than I thought it would be. Sure, they were disgusting, but did I really not care if they’d been killed?

“They aint dead,” Sans told me. “I save homicide for my very special friends.”

I would assume he was kidding at any other time, but in that moment I couldn’t be certain whether or not he’d committed murder before.

I didn’t really care about that either.

I had a lot of questions. I didn’t know that Undyne could be beat in one hit. I didn’t know Monsters could harness magic in such a physical way. I didn’t know his eye did that _thing_ and wondered what exactly caused it.

I didn’t even know how he knew to come. He hadn’t known we were together—I’d gone over to interview Alphys more for my blog and he had no reason to think we were walking through New Hotland in the middle of the night. He was too lazy to just be dropping by unannounced.

But I didn’t ask any of it. Instead, I scooted up on the bed so I was leaning on the headboard. He followed suit, and his single made us squashed up side by side as I leaned into his side, his arm around my shoulders. His other hand ended up resting on my head, playing with my hair. I wasn’t sure if he was doing it consciously or not, but it felt nice, so I leaned into it with my eyes shut.

“Tell me a joke,” I told him.

He gave a breathy, humorless chuckle. “I aint feelin’ particularly funny right now, kid.”

I didn’t know how to explain that I felt like a darkness was falling on me that only his humor could lift. I didn’t know how to say that laughing made my fears disappear.

I didn’t know how to tell him that right there in his arms was absolutely the only place I wanted to be right now.

“Yeah. You’re right,” I said instead. “Sorry.”

It was silent for about a minute before he said quietly, “What do skeletons hate most about the wind?”

I looked up at him, the corners of my mouth twitching up even as I immediately began to miss his fingers running through my curls. “What?”

“Nothing, it goes right through them.”

I grinned at him and his pupils went big again, some tender emotion there on his face. “I’m sorry I didn’t get there sooner, kid.”

“Hey, if I weren’t so—”

Somehow, he knew where my mind had gone. “Whatever you’re about to say, quit it,” he said fervently. “What would you have done in a four on one fight? It’s not that you’re weak, or that you’re a girl, or anything like that. You’re just a humie is all, and they’re just biologically lame. You should work on that.”

I smiled a little at his joke, but considered what he had actually said. I knew he was right, but I hated the idea of needing to be saved.

Still, saved I was, and it was unfair to take my anger at myself out on him. “I’m glad you got there when you did,” I muttered.

“Me too,” he agreed. “I…” He shook his head. “I could have killed them,” he told me. He sounded so matter-of-fact about the mention of murder. Should that have bothered me? “I wanted to.”

“But…?”

“It was stupid Paps in my head, of all things. He would be so pissed if he ever figured out I killed a group of defenseless humans. I mean, you know Paps. Someone could hold a knife to him and he’d offer them a hug.” He sighed, rubbing his head tiredly, before looking me in the eyes. “Would you have been disgusted with me if I had killed them?”

I wanted to say yes, but it wasn’t that simple. “I don’t know,” I finally said.

But that was a lie.

“Probably not,” I corrected. “I… I feel like a lot of people could be saved a lot of trouble by them being obliterated from the planet… but as usual, The Great Papyrus is right.”

“You think so?” he asked fondly.

“Yeah. We aren’t allowed to choose who gets to live and who gets to die. Papyrus is wise to know that.” I smiled. “There’s something really admirable about Papyrus, honestly. His understanding of the world is so—”

I was interrupted by Sans’ lips—non-lips?—abruptly meeting mine.

I couldn’t even process what it’d felt like before he backed away, half his face turning blue in what I could only assume was his version of a blush—and I wouldn’t tell him I thought it, but goddamn it was cute. “Sorry,” he said gruffly. “It’s refreshing to hear someone thinks Papyrus is as cool as I think he is.”

“And you wanted to display how refreshing that was by kissing me?” I asked playfully to hide the burning excitement in my gut.

“Well. Uh. No. I mean. Yes? Uh.”

I took pity on him, slid my hand around his smooth head, and kissed him again.

It didn’t feel anything like kissing a human. His lips weren’t soft, but they were warm, and they fit against mine in a comfortable way. His skin had nothing to grip, so my grasp on the base of his skull was gentle. His torso was warm again and I was starting to wonder if he really did change temperatures with his mood or of I was just imagining it. When my fingers moved even minutely, he reacted with a twitch or a small, desperate noise—I remembered Alphys saying that Monster skin was more sensitive than human skin and that was immediately obvious.

He was tentative about touching me back at first, but once he did he wrapped a thin arm around me and squeezed. My soft flesh yielded to him and he sighed against my mouth before lacing his fingers through my hair again, soft and soothing just like before.

There was something nice about this gentle touching. I was used to harsh, carnal pleasure, a feeling that was so intense that it bordered on just right and too much. I wouldn’t say this was better, but it definitely wasn’t worse. It was different. It was relaxing. I was content.

“Sans?”

I backed away with a smile as I heard Papyrus opening the front door and calling to see if his brother was home. Sans dramatically rolled his eyes, but our kissing had been so leisurely that neither of us were particularly heartbroken to be interrupted. “I, The Great Papyrus, am the greatest brother of all time, for I have bought you a dozen new bottles of ketchup. The glass ones you like best. You should come out and thank—whoopsies.” There was a sound of something somewhat heavy hitting the ground. “Worry not, Sans, nothing is broke—” Another crash. “Oh, my. Apologies!” he called out. “My arms are laden with many—oh, no, bad noodle box, stay in your bag!”

“If nothing’s broken yet, something’s going to be in a couple minutes,” Sans said exasperatedly. “Taking care of him is a full time job.”

“I thought _he_ was the older brother.”

“He thinks so too.”

I grinned. “Come on. We should go help.”

“ _Or_ ,” Sans suggested as he stood, “you could help and I could mediate. I’m a great cheerleader.”

I laughed out loud at the thought of him in a cheerleading outfit and then looked to him. He was just staring, a dreamy look on his face. “What?” I asked somewhat defensively.

“I like your laugh.”

I bit my lip. “So was that your idea of a pickup line all along?”

“No,” he replied, “But it probably should’ve been, since it worked.”

I mocked offense, which was hard to do when I was smiling. “Your pickup line did _not_ work.”

“Aw, but maybe I don’t want to be a **bone** anymore.”

I smiled at his joke as I let my eyes glaze over him. I’d been so afraid for so long of any kind of commitment, but somehow this silly, pun-filled, genius, secret-rage-monster of a skeleton took all that fear and turned it to dust.

“Maybe I don’t want to be either,” I responded.

We only looked at each other quietly for another moment before there was another loud noise from the other room—and this time it sounded frighteningly like broken glass.

Without a word, he and I ran out of the room to help Papyrus.


	23. Heartbeat

If there were only my mom to consider, I probably wouldn’t have bothered going home for Christmas. She and I only ever talked about how much she hated my blog now and it got really frustrating. Mentioning that I had more than 200,000 followers made no difference—if anything it just made her more angry, because my poisonous words were getting to more people by the day.

But there was my sister and my dad too, and I didn’t want to ditch them, so I was driving down early on Christmas Eve so I could spend a couple days with the family.

They only lived two hours away, so by all rights I should’ve been going to visit them all the time, but ever since my first fight with my mom, I hadn’t bothered to visit. I felt a bit bad about it. My sister Keely, who was five years younger than me, deserved more of my attention than that. She was going through the possible divorce of my parents on her own and there was nothing I could do to make that okay.

I’d talked with Dad about moving back into Ebott. They moved out of the city once Keely was born because they’d decided Ebott was dangerous. Too close to the mountain.

Now it was too dangerous all over again because the Monsters had moved up to the surface and settled in large numbers in Ebott. Dad didn’t care so much about that, but Mom did. A lot. She couldn’t have her poor daughter living near Monsters! What if their Monster ways rubbed off on her and she started smiling at strangers and appreciating the little things in life? It would be an abomination!

I glanced down at my phone, on which I had my most recent blog article open so I could gape at how many hits I had gotten in only the last hour. This particular one was a bit shameful, I had to admit, because it was a passive aggressive response to hate comments, which I promised never to do. I got a good number of those types of comments on each post—I was a fat dyke, a stupid cunt, an ugly bitch, and many other well thought out insults that didn’t even close to begin to bother me… but the one that did bother me, the one that I stopped being able to ignore, was about how I was pretty fucked up for wanting Monsters to fuck me to death.

I was a proud Underling—I’d called myself as much in a couple of my posts—but I was not, in fact, a Freaker, and it really only annoyed me because of the inaccuracy. It proved that people still didn’t know the difference between the two—or were unwilling to accept it—and since I had become the leading source in Monster knowledge, it felt like my duty to explain the fundamental difference between an Underling and the much more specific subset known as a Freaker. I wanted people to understand that when I called myself an Underling, it was not the same as calling myself a Freaker. And I knew that I would get more comments about it all being bullshit, but if one person grasped the difference thanks to my post, that was enough for me.

I didn’t pay attention to my phone screen long. Looking at my blog was what made my mind wander to my parents in the first place, and a comment telling me to have a great Christmas made me zone out once again.

Tonight was the night that my friends all decided to get together to celebrate Christmas. We agreed on no presents, since we were all way too broke for that shit, but thought that it would be nice to just get together, wear ugly sweaters, and watch _It’s A Wonderful Life_.

Alex had left to be with her family the day school got out. In fact, she hadn’t even told me she was leaving—I just saw that her stuff was all gone and that she’d left a note about her parents coming to pick her up.

She’d been really antisocial lately. She hardly left her room except to work or go to school. When I texted and asked to hang out, she brushed me off saying she was too tired or busy. I was starting to think something was seriously wrong, but I hadn’t gotten the chance to corner her because we managed never to be home at the same time—unless she was sleeping, at which point she locked her door.

But at this point I’d break in through her window if I had to. When she got home from her parents’, I just might.

“Hey. Rye Bread. You okay?”

I shook my head and registered where I was—sitting in Sans’ bed, leaning into his side as the credits of a movie neither of us had paid any attention to rolled on his laptop screen. I closed out my browser and stuck my phone on Sans’ side table—the jeans I was wearing today didn’t have pockets for some goddamn reason, so I had nowhere else to put it.

“Yeah, just thinking.”

“I could tell that much, believe it or not,” he teased, tightening his grip around me affectionately. “I mean, the movie was bad, but I thought you’d at least want to make out a little.”

I huffed out a laugh. “Want to make out?”

He sighed dramatically. “At any other moment I would say yes, but right now, I just want to know what’s got your smile upside-down.”

I smiled at him and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. “I’m not really looking forward to visiting my family is all.” I decided that was the safer topic, because I hadn’t mentioned how weird Alex was being to anyone and didn’t really want to talk about it now.

“It’s just a couple days. You’ll be back in no time.”

“I know.” I sighed quietly. “We might want to get out there soon. Papyrus will wonder why we’re hiding away.”

Sans and I weren’t exactly making our change in relationship public. Like most things Sans did, this was mostly for Papyrus. Undyne and Alphys were already paired up. If Sans and I were too, then Papyrus would become some sort of fifth wheel. It just seemed kinda mean. If Alex would stop being a butt and come hang out with us, all would be well, but she was unavailable. So for now, we’d keep it on the down low.

Plus, we weren’t exactly together. I mean, were we?

We hadn’t talked about it. I mean, wouldn’t it just complicate things by putting labels on them this early in the game? We hung out when we wanted to, and we kissed sometimes, and that was enough. Maybe he was about as into commitment as me, because he was pushing it about as much as I was—AKA not at all.

Sans had his fingers absentmindedly grazing up and down my thigh as he looked at me with a soft smile. His cheeks were a little blue again. There seemed to be some wall that had broken permanently between us, because when we were alone, he was a lot less afraid to show me how he was feeling. I had a feeling I’d never seen him blush before we kissed out of sheer force of will, because now he did it kind of a lot.

I loved it.

“Ri, I have something to tell you.”

I felt my eyebrows pulling together in concern. “Okay…”

“You’re not gonna like it.”

Now my eyes were going wide. “What happened?”

“Nothing happened. I… just…”

I felt my breathing going shallow. Oh god, what could have him acting like this, was he depressed again, was time resetting, did someone die—

“I got you a present.”

My mind went blank for a long moment. “What?”

“We all agreed not to get presents, but I got you one. I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it.”

The look on his face was still so earnest—no doubt to hide the cackling bastard just beneath the surface.

I swatted his arm. “Sans, you scared the shit out of me!”

And then he started guffawing, and I crossed my arms and glared down at him with all my non-amusement plain on my face. Once he calmed down a little, he said, “Aw, Ri, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to **gift** you a heart attack.”

I snorted out a laugh before I could help myself and I nuzzled into his side. He was still laughing a little when I said, “You aren’t going to be able to pun your way out of trouble every time. Someday that’s not gonna work.”

“Sounds pretty **pun** likely to me.”

I’d never say it aloud, but I had a feeling he might be right.

Since I was already shoved into his chest, I took a deep breath through the nose, taking in the scent of his sweatshirt. He wasn’t the most hygienic guy around, but part of that was because he didn’t have to be—his sweat didn’t produce an odor, he didn’t pee, he didn’t get oily. His clothes only needed to be washed when he actually spilled on them, and I envied that. In fact, knowing all those things, you’d logically assume he didn’t smell like anything at all.

But somehow he did. He smelled like a forest in the dead of winter, like a comfortable diner you’ve been to a thousand times. When I got close and showed him affection, his core got steadily warmer, and if I was paying close attention, there would be a quiet rumbling in his chest, kind of like purring.

And then there was that heartbeat.

He asked me once if I ever listened for his heartbeat. At the time, I’d assumed he didn’t have one.

But now that I’d spent many a day and night leaning into his chest, I had learned the cadence of his heart—had memorized its beat and burned it to my memory. It was slow, far slower than a human’s. It was easier to feel than it was to hear—with my ear against his chest, I felt the physical push against the side of my face before I zeroed in on the sound of it, low and methodical and steady as a surgeon. Once we’d watched a scary movie together and he’d laughed all the way through it. I almost didn’t believe that he wasn’t scared in the least except that my ear was to his heart, and I knew for a fact his heartrate didn’t increase. It had actually managed to make me less scared, just to feel his lack of fear in such a tangible way.

Then again, did it pump blood? Did it have a physical purpose? I had no idea.

But I did know that if the skeleton had a heartbeat, then whatever was under his shirt was more interesting than I had ever guessed. I wanted to see it, but I didn’t want to ask because it sounded like a bad pick up line no matter how I phrased it.

I figured it would happen when it happened and I would just have to wait and see.

I looked up to Sans and he had gone even bluer than before at my attentions. I grinned and he looked a little nervous.

“Want to know a secret?” I asked him. He nodded. “I got you a present too.”

It broke the spell and he laughed. “No way!”

“Yup,” I said, standing. I went over to my purse and pulled out the smallish box, handing it to him. He shook it, trying to see if it made a noise. “Hey, quit cheating!” I scolded.

“Make me,” he said, wiggling his brow arches, and I rolled my eyes. It was his favorite line now—not including skeleton and bread puns. Then he lifted his hand and a box sloppily wrapped in newspaper floated over, setting itself down on the bed. Now that I knew about his telekinesis, he used it all the time just to be lazy. I felt like it was a bad habit, but I would do the same if I had that power, so I didn’t say anything.

We opened up our gifts at the same time. His was a black t-shirt (in XL like he liked) that said in white letters _I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy not doing anything_ , which made him laugh for at least a minute straight.

Then I lifted up his box, and he warned me not to shake it, which made me curious.

I opened it up and saw a small bong inside. The glass was mottled green, blue, and purple. It was actually beautiful—Sans’ own bong was just clear glass and about four times this size.

“Mine always gets you way too high,” he said.

I chuckled. “True enough,” I agreed.

Then I noticed something at the bottom. It said “Rye Bread” in Sans’ cramped, all lowercase handwriting, and had a sloppy drawing of a loaf of bread with a smiley face on it. It was all in blue glitter gel pen. I would’ve made fun of him were I not now aware what I was looking at and shocked by the realization.

“Wait, there’s a card?” I asked. I looked up to him and he had gone blue again. Ooh, what could be in there to get him so embarrassed? I was eager to open it.

Inside the envelope was a piece of printer paper folded in half. On the front was a picture of Elton John printed off the internet in some rad star-shaped glasses. Written in the same pen as the outside of the envelope had been, it said:

_My gift is my BONG and this one's for you_

_And you can tell everybody this is your BONG…_

I snorted out a laugh. Oh lord. He couldn’t quit. Not for two seconds. But then what the hell had him blushing? Minus quoting my favorite Elton John song, it wasn’t exactly romantic.

I opened it up to the inside. It read:

_I hope you don't mind_

_I hope you don't mind that I put down in words_

_How wonderful life is while you're in the world_

I let out a breath and smiled down at the card. I glanced up and Sans refused to meet my eyes.

I crawled over to him, hovering over his body so my face was right in front of his. I waited for him to look at me before I said seriously, “Elton John’s alright, I guess, but I thought you might go for **Bone** Jovi.”

As usual, humor did the trick. He was cracking up for a couple seconds before he stared at me, grinning, and then grabbed my face in a hard kiss. I was already kind of on top of him, so straddling his lap only felt natural. His core was so warm against my chest, and his hands gripped my hips hard, desperation translating through the pressure. I licked at his warm, strange tongue and he shuddered, wrapping his arms around my middle to squeeze me closer to him.

“Sans,” I said against his lips a minute later. “The others are gonna be here soon.”

“Who cares,” he mumbled. His mouth trailed down to my neck, pressing delicate kisses there as he began to purr again. I hummed out a quiet moan and his arms locked tighter around me.

Well. Maybe just, you know, five more minutes…

Then I sighed.   

“You know Papyrus is going to come in, and he won’t knock,” I continued.

He paused for long enough that I knew he was considering what I was saying. Without warning, he nipped my neck, which made my abdomen burn as I yelped in surprise.

But he backed off, knowing I was right. “You’re no fun sometimes, you know that?”

I looked down at him, still straddling his lap as the fire in my gut spread. I couldn’t get my breathing entirely steady.

A brow arch raised. “Whoa there, did I get you excited?” he asked, his voice low and a little gravelly.

“Kiss me, you asshole.”

His pupils blew wide, a mischievous grin firmly in place as he leaned in to kiss me again—

But luckily he had better hearing than I did, because after a moment he disappeared from under me, on the other side of the bed, and in that second Papyrus burst in wearing an orange sweater with a (very buff) snow-likeness of himself on it.

I flopped around and tried to make it look like I hadn’t just been on top of someone, but Papyrus was too surprised by my being there at all to notice my awkward position. “Riley!” he exclaimed. “I didn’t know you were here!”

I was smoothing down my hair and Sans was chuckling to himself and someday I was going to fucking kill him. “Oh, well—” I began to explain, not even sure what my excuse was going to be.

But he glanced over to Sans, at which point he yelled in outrage, “Brother, where is the very cool sweater I made for you?!”

“Oh, yeah, I got it, bro. I just didn’t wanna ruin it, you know?”

Papyrus narrowed his eyes. “I see. Well you better put it on! We shall be engaging in movie watching soon!”

“Course.”

And Papyrus skipped away, singing, “‘Tis the season to be jolly, nyeh heh heh heh heh, heh heh heh heh…”

The moment Papyrus left Sans busted up laughing, and after a moment I did too, even though my face was still red from embarrassment.

Once we quieted down, I said, “You know if we ever want any actual alone time, we’ll have to go to my place.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “That just sounds really far.”

“You can teleport!”

“It’s more work than you might imagine,” he said mournfully.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “Alright, Lazybones, get your sweater on.”

He pulled on his atrocious blue sweater featuring a mound of cotton balls that said his name on it in red stitching.

“What the hell?” I asked, laughing.

“Both our sweaters are based on snowmen we made of ourselves in the Underground. His snowman was slightly more detailed than mine.”

“Clearly.”

“SANS! RILEY! THIS SPAGHETTI PLATTER IS TOO HEAVY FOR ME TO CARRY ALONE!”

We both shook our heads. I grabbed my phone from Sans’ side table and we went to help Papyrus.


	24. Surprise

When I looked down to my ruined phone, I wanted to say I knew who to blame. But the blame game wasn’t gonna work this time, because it really could’ve been anyone—even me.

It started when Undyne walked in, yelling about how her ugly sweater was the ugliest of them all. It looked like she had covered a black sweater in crazy glue and then proceeded to dump an entire craft store onto it. There were also Christmas ornaments shaped like anime characters—one of Naruto and the other of Saitama—stabbed through the fabric, dangling off her chest like Weeaboo nipple tassels. Then she took scissors to it, making little gashes and holes until it looked like one more ornament would’ve made it fall right off of her.

“Wait, yours aren’t ruined!” she said indignantly.

“I t-told you that you had it wrong…” Alphys muttered quietly, gripping at the bottom of her own sweater, which was red and donned a neat Christmas tree that she must’ve made herself—seeing as it had a cute little emoticon-style face drawn on it in fabric marker. It blew my own Christmas tree sweater out of the water, even without its excited expression.

We tried to explain how the ugly sweater thing worked, but she was now in a rage about how she hadn’t already known and now had a ridiculous sweater. We tried to comfort her by saying that only the five of us would even see it, but then Papyrus added, “And Frisk, of course.”

I was going to say that I was glad I was finally going to get to meet them, but all the others looked at him speechlessly like they weren’t glad at all. “Excuse me?” asked Undyne.

“I invited Toriel and Mettaton as well, but they are both busy.” When they all continued to be silent, he added, “I, The Great Papyrus, thought it would be a nice gesture to invite them!”

“Sure, bro, it’s a nice gesture,” Sans agreed, “but you coulda told somebody.”

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” Papyrus said, pouting, “but you wouldn’t get up and clean like I kept telling you to!”

“If I’da known Frisk was coming, I woulda done it!”

“How long do we have?” asked Undyne.

“Not long,” Papyrus responded.

It was quiet for another moment before everyone started running around like madmen. Undyne fled into the kitchen and Alphys into the bathroom. Papyrus rushed back into the hallway and came back out in a hot pink apron that had originally said “Hot Housewife”—Papyrus had crossed it out and written “COOL SKELETON”.

“How do you get a b-bathroom so messy when you don’t even u-use it?” Alphys called from the bathroom.

“Blame Lazybones!” Papyrus huffed. “He manages to ruin it every time he bleaches!” I watched him stomp into the bathroom with a stunned expression.

Why did the mention of Frisk make everyone go into a panic? Everyone talked about them so highly. Now the thought of seeing them was making them all have a conniption.

Even Sans had started working—though more slowly. He was cleaning up the evidence of us having smoked together the day before. “Um. Why did everyone start cleaning when Papyrus mentioned Frisk?” I asked.

“I can’t have Frisk see things like this,” Sans said, going back into his room.

Why couldn’t he? I was so confused.

“Riley! Come help me!” Undyne yelled.

I walked into the kitchen and saw Undyne trying to scrub the pot the spaghetti was made in with _only_ her hands—not even water. “Uh, start with a sponge,” I said, handing her the one on the counter. Then I turned the water on and tested to see which direction was hot before plugging up one side of the sink and starting to fill it up. I squeezed some dishsoap into it and it began to get sudsy.

“Oh, that might work better,” Undyne said.

“Does Alphys do the dishes at home?” I asked.

“Back in the Underground, all my dishes were broken by the time I was done cooking. Now I just use paper. And Alphy prefers takeout usually anyway. She says I cook too loud.”

I didn’t have a word to say to that, so I set my phone on the counter and starting dumping the stray bowls, knives, and plates into the soapy water. I noticed that there was evidence of more ingredients in the spaghetti than usual, since there were so many cutting boards and pans. Maybe Papyrus’ new cooking show habit was doing him some good.

“So why does the house need to be clean for Frisk?” I asked Undyne.

“We gotta keep the house safe,” Undyne said. “No dirty knives in the kitchen, no leftover bleach in the bathroom, and _definitely_ no weed.”

Again, I was confused. Why did they need to do these things for Frisk? Did they make a habit of getting into horrible accidents?

Then Papyrus and Alphys flooded in. “The toilet bowl cleaner is under the sink,” Papyrus said.

“Wait your turn,” Undyne snapped. “Can’t you see I’m doin’ the dishes?”

“We can move—” I started, but then Sans came in.

“Guys, I just heard the Riverperson outside. Frisk must be here.”

“Shit!” Undyne yelled before everyone shushed her. “Right, sorry,” she murmured.

“I’ll stall!” Alphys said, running outside. The rest of us sped through the cleaning, all knocking into each other to get the dishes finished.

Once I pulled the drain plug from the water, having finished our tasks, I went to grab my phone…

But it wasn’t on the counter anymore. Huh. I swore I’d put it there.

I decided I’d look for it in a minute and I looked down at the now empty sink…

To find my phone sitting in soap bubbles—not only that, but the screen was smashed. Undyne’s dishwashing was as violent as her cooking.

I looked down at it resignedly. Conclusion: I was never going to buy jeans without pockets again.

Sans came over and saw my phone. “Oh shit,” he whispered, as if Frisk were over his shoulder already. “How’d that happen?”

“Dunno,” I sighed. “It’s okay. My dad can get me a new phone for free. He’s an IT guy. I just need to text him.”

Sans gave me his phone and I texted my dad, letting him know what happened. He told me he’d be able to get me a new phone when he went back to work on the 28th.

“They’re coming!” Undyne called to the rest of us as she made a last check of the house. I was starting to get nervous to meet this Frisk character. What the fuck had everyone so worked up?

Then Alphys opened the door, and I saw Frisk—

I blinked, staring uncomprehendingly.

Frisk…

Frisk was…

Somehow, in all the times they had talked about Frisk, they had never bothered to mention their age.

I was bad at guessing ages, but Frisk was no older than eight, if I had to try to estimate. They wore a striped sweater with a felt reindeer safety-pinned to it and had long bangs mostly covering small eyes. I’d never heard them refer to Frisk as a gender, and it was immediately apparent why that was—I couldn’t pick one out. They were completely androgynous. I’d never met someone who already identified as agender when they were so young and I was a little jealous of someone who could be so sure of themselves from such an early age.

All of a sudden all the cleaning up made sense. If they were going to have a little kid in the house, they didn’t want a bong sitting on the couch.

But seriously, how had it never once come up that Frisk, the one that had saved the Monsters of the Underground from certain death, was a child?

Everyone was greeting them happily, swarming around them. Frisk was grinning a lot, but not yet speaking.

My ears, as they always did, zeroed in on Sans, even though everyone was trying to talk over each other.

“Hey kiddo, how you doin’?” he asked in the sweetest voice I’d ever heard come from his mouth.

“I’m good,” Frisk replied. Maybe their ears zeroed in on him too, since their first time talking was in response to him.

“Doing good in school?” Frisk nodded. “Where’s Tori?” he added.

“She’s meeting with Asgore tonight.”

“How’d Gorey swing that?” asked Undyne, grinning.

“By begging,” Frisk responded. “A _lot_.”

“Well that’s good then,” Sans said. “That means we get you all to ourselves!” Frisk gasped in surprise when Sans lifted them up and placed them on his shoulders. Frisk quickly got oriented, crossing their arms on Sans’ head and resting their chin on their arms. I had a feeling Sans picked Frisk up a lot.

Sans walked over to me then. “Hey, Frisk, this is our friend Riley. Frisk, how do we greet new friends?”

Frisk held out a hand for me to shake and I grinned. That was cute—Sans was teaching them manners. How uncharacteristically paternal of him.

“Hey hun,” I said, shaking the hand—

I immediately felt a shock in my palm, at which point Sans and Frisk both busted up laughing.

Manners my ass. He was teaching Frisk to prank people. I should’ve known.

“Sans!” Papyrus scolded. “You are such a bad influence on the human!”

“More like **rad** influence!” Sans crowed.

“Alright, you can’t have Frisk anymore!” Papyrus said. “It is the Great Papyrus’ turn!”

“You gotta catch me first, bro.”

* * *

 

Watching Sans interact with Frisk was nothing like I’d ever experienced with him before. I’d never seen him so happy, so active. He ran around, he tossed Frisk in the air. Sans had a tendency to get quiet in big groups unless he had a chance to make a bad joke, but not so tonight.

In fact, Frisk seemed to bring out the best in everyone. Frisk brought Papyrus a crossword puzzle filled out entirely with z’s, which he seemed to get a kick out of. Alphys started talking about anime and Frisk was apparently another human that could understand her when her voice got that fast. Undyne wasn’t so butch with Frisk there—there was a lot less affectionate punching, which my shoulder was grateful for.

And really, I understood why. There was something so pure about Frisk. So selfless. They never talked about themselves unless someone asked, and they remembered so many little details that a little kid wouldn’t usually remember. When they talked about their house, they mostly spoke about Toriel rather than themselves.

I wondered where Frisk’s human parents were and how Frisk ended up in the Underground in the first place. I wondered if Frisk would tell me the details of this certain doom they had avoided if I asked, since none of the others really seemed to know. I wondered how Frisk had changed an entire society’s mind about the human race—but then again, maybe I didn’t wonder that part. Frisk was so charming, of course everyone loved them immediately. They just wanted to make everyone else happy. That much was clear from the start.

The group told Frisk about my blog and immediately they offered to be interviewed any time, if I had any questions for them. I didn’t at that moment—the certain doom part was probably best saved for later—so the subject was quickly passed over so Papyrus could talk about how his cooking was improving thanks to Gordon Ramsey, even if he had a potty mouth worse than Sans’—at which point Sans punched him in the arm, since Sans’ language was much less colorful when Frisk was around and didn’t want to be outted for his profanity. I had no idea he had a filter, but here it was for me to see.

We eventually got around to watching Christmas movies after all, but we went for things like _The Grinch_ and _Rudolph_ instead of _It’s A Wonderful Life_. Papyrus, Frisk, Sans, and I all managed to sit on the couch by putting Sans in the middle and Frisk on his shoulders. Undyne and Alphys leaned against our shins as we watched the movies.

By the time _Frosty the Snowman_ was over, Frisk had fallen asleep, leaning their head on the top of Sans’ with their little hand fisted in Sans’ own on his shoulder. The two seemed to have a special connection that went beyond the rest of the group.

It occurred to me then what that connection might be.

_Don’t you see? You’re a human. You’re like Frisk. You know._

Frisk knew about the time thing.

Sans wasn’t willing to talk about all that very much… so maybe I could ask Frisk sometime.  

But it would have to wait, obviously.

For now, Sans told the others he was going to take Frisk home and he went out the door, returning again five minutes later with a quip about how he’d taken a shortcut. Then Alphys and Undyne set up the air mattress.

“Would you like to stay over, human?” asked Papyrus. “We can set up the couch for you!”

I looked over to Sans for barely a second. “Actually, I think I’ll be going home.”

Sans looked over to me probingly and I winked at him, hoping he’d catch my drift.

“Yeah, I’ll take her,” Sans told Papyrus.

“Alright,” Papyrus said. “So long as you aren’t alone at night.”

I’d told Papyrus what’d happened in New Hotland and he was officially nervous about me walking home late.

Honestly, I didn’t feel so hot about it anymore either, but I wasn’t planning on walking home anyway, so that was neither here nor there.

Sans took me outside only to teleport me to his room.

“We can’t hide this from him forever,” I said.

He nodded. “I know. I hate lyin’ to him. It’s just…”

“Awkward?”

He grinned. “Yeah.”

“You know he’ll be really excited about it.”

“I know. But, you know, I’d like to know what we are before he figures it out, don’t you think?”

The statement made me immediately nervous. I knew the conversation was going to come up, but somehow I’d hoped to prolong it a little longer. The definitions, the titles. They were all just semantics, right? Did they matter so much?

But then, in the same moment, I found myself starting to smile without really knowing why. I walked forward, putting my arms tightly around him and nestling my head into his neck. God, why did this feel so good? “What do you want to be?” I asked.

After a moment, he put his arms around me too. “I want you to be mine. Just mine. If that’s not a selfish thing to say.”

I was quiet for a long moment. “Does that include my BDSM nights with Alex?”

“Oh, nah,” he said casually. “Sex is sex. That aint what I mean.” If he had said it counted, I would’ve been willing to cut it out for his sake, but I would’ve been doing so reluctantly and he probably knew that—just as well as he knew that I didn’t have feelings for Alex that he needed to be jealous of.

I smiled. “Then I don’t know what you’re worrying about. I’ve kind of been yours in that respect for a long time.”

His arms tightened around me and his core got warmer than I’d ever felt it, the purring vibration humming through my body. “That’s good to hear, kid.”

After Sans teleported back outside so he could pretend he took me home, he came into the room and climbed into bed with me, and we curled into each other, falling asleep without another word.


	25. Suggestion

I woke up to find that Sans was already awake, looking at me. As usual, it was hard to tell what he might actually have been thinking. He had that easy grin on his face that could’ve meant anything.

“Good morning,” I muttered, rubbing my eyes. “Time is it?”

“Late enough for me to be awake,” he said. “So a bit later than you intended, if the five texts I got from your family mean anything.”

It took me a second to remember that my phone was no longer working and since my Dad had gotten a text from Sans’ phone, it was the only number he knew he could reach me on. I sighed. “You coulda woken me up, numbskull.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, coulda,” he agreed, “but you just looked so cute.”

I rolled my eyes and held my hand out, and he passed the phone from the side table into my palm. First thing I checked was the time—it was only one, so not as late as I feared, since Sans was infamous for occasionally waking up around dinner time.

Then I checked the texts. There were two from my mom, one from my dad, and two from Keely, all impatiently telling me that they wanted me to come home with lots of hearts and smiley faces so it seemed less hostile.

Instead of answering, I looked up at Sans.

“You don’t have a lock on your phone,” I said.

One of his brow arches raised. “Uh, nice observation, kid.”

I ignored his sarcasm. “I just mean you’re one of the most secretive people I know. How do you not have a password?”

He rolled his eyes. “Who says I’m secretive?” I just stared at him exasperatedly until he laughed. “Hey, it’s not bein’ private, Rye Bread, it’s wanting not to kill the mood, you know? Nobody wants to hear my depressing shit.”

“You know that isn’t true.”

The authenticity of his smile faltered. “Riley—”

“I’m an anthropologist _and_ a blogger. Find something I don’t want to know and I’ll pay you.”

He sighed heavily. “You don’t know what you’re asking,” he said a little coldly.

“What, to know what’s always weighing so heavily on you? For you to tell me what gives you nightmares and why you’re so scared to let yourself be happy? It all might just get a little lighter if someone else is carrying it with you.”

He was still smiling, but there was nothing happy about it. He didn’t seem angry with me though, which was the best I could ask for at the moment. I was being nosey and I knew it, but it just didn’t seem healthy for him to hold all this shit in all the time. The little I knew made me sure that no one person should have to handle this alone.

“You don’t know what you’re asking,” he told me again, the venom in his tone replaced with misery. I scooted closer to him and he let me slide my arms around him.

“Sans, I’m not making you say anything. It’s your life. But I’m just telling you that you shouldn’t ever think I don’t want to hear it, because that’s not true. If you ever want to talk, I’m always around to listen. And no, I won’t write a blog post with all your secrets in it.”

The joke made him laugh again, thankfully. In the end, Sans never wanted to keep things serious. Sometimes that was annoying as hell, but it sure made it easy to get away from awkward subjects. “If you did that, you might have a bad time,” he told me. He sounded so casual, clearly teasing, but I remembered him saying something similar to the dudes who attacked me a couple months back and got shivers before forcing it down.

To switch subjects again, I said, “You should invite Frisk over more often. I like what you act like when they’re around.”

Sans rolled his eyes. “You sound like Paps. He loves when I’m around Frisk because I don’t drink or smoke.”

The drinking was something else I’d been wanting to discuss, but if I wanted to continue being the girl he was dating and not become his mother, I couldn’t nag him on anything else for at least a week. So I let it go. “I better get ready,” I said.

He grumbled, tightening his grip around me and putting his face into my neck, his voice muffled when he said, “Or you could not. I mean, my bed’s all comfy. You should just stay.”

I whined half-heartedly, smiling when I complained, “Sans! Don’t make this harder than it already is!”

“Cuz you wanna stay, right?” he teased.

I rolled my eyes. “Of course I do. But I have to go. It’s Christmas. Plus, if my Monster friends keep me away any longer my mom will hate you all even more.”

“Screw your mom.”

“Couldn’t agree more, but I’d like to someday introduce you to her if you’re gonna be my boyfriend.”

He froze and then backed away to look at me. “Is that what I am?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

I felt my face getting hot. “Well. I mean. After what we said last night… I kinda thought so…” I murmured uncertainly.

After a moment he nodded. “Yeah. Okay. I like it.”

I grinned up at him. “Good. Now get out of my way, _boyfriend_ , I need to go home.”

“What, are you tryin’ to get **rib** of me already?” he said with a melodramatic pout.

It took some convincing for him to let me out of his bed, and once he did he even teleported me home. Then I told him I’d text him from my sister’s phone later that night.

“You can put me on speaker and I’ll be real charming for Mommy Dearest,” he told me, and something about his tone of voice made me think that by ‘charming’ he meant he’d spend ten minutes squashing whoopee cushions into the receiver. Or worse, maybe he’d start playing that “I Love Bread” song for them, which he decided was the ballad of our relationship.

I privately noted that I should stay out of the room my mom was in when I called him as I smiled, pressing my lips to his boney cheek, making him flush blue again.

“See you in a few days,” I told him, and he nodded, vanishing from the room.

* * *

 

When I showed up to my house, Keely was waiting for me in the huge window by the front door, reading a book. She looked up and waved at me, grinning.

My fifteen year old sister looked pretty much nothing like me. She had light brown hair with a natural blonde sheen in sunshine that was board straight and went down to her hips. She was petite—short and thin (two traits I definitely didn’t get in my genetics). She spent almost all her time doing homework—the book in her hand was _Othello_ , surely a book for class.

“Took you long enough!” she quipped as she walked out the door and to my car.

“Sorry. I was at my boyfriend’s house,” I told her. I didn’t bother to sugar coat things with her anyway and it was mildly possible I had been dying to call him that. I’d been afraid of labels last week and all of a sudden I was giddy for this stupid skeleton.

He was doing something to my head, I swear.

“Um you did _not_ tell me you had a boyfriend,” she accused. “You’re gonna have to tell me about him.”

“Not when Mom’s around. He’s a Monster.”

Keely rolled her eyes. “Monsters are part of society now. Mom should just learn to deal with it. Honestly, if I were you, I’d invite my friends up so she can forcibly learn to get over it.”

I wasn’t sure if she was kidding or not, but I didn’t hate the idea. I stashed it in the back of my mind.

“I didn’t know you were so pro-Monster,” I said.

“I didn’t used to be,” she admitted, “but I really like your blog.”

I widened my eyes. “You read my blog?” I asked.

“Who doesn’t?” she asked. “I’ve been asked by like at least twenty people at school if they could meet you.”

I blinked at her. No way. I mean, sure, I had a lot of followers. It was kind of amazing. But I was no Markiplier. There was no way people were asking about me in a random high school.

“Holy shit,” I muttered.

“You’re famous, Ri,” she said, smiling at me with something like pride like she was the older sibling and not me.

I rolled my eyes to hide how overwhelmed I felt. “Whatever,” I muttered. “It’s fucking cold, let’s get inside.”

* * *

 

After Dad teased me for breaking my phone and Mom worried over my outfit, saying it was wrinkly like I’d slept in it or something, I sat down in Keely’s room and she told me about school and about her boyfriend Cory. She asked me about Sans and I didn’t have a lot to say. Everything I knew about him was either surface level or private, either something I understood as well as myself or something I knew nothing about at all. In fact, it was weird how much I didn’t know about him. I wondered if I’d ever get him to let that wall go. I wondered if I would mind if he never felt comfortable opening up to me.

I decided that this early in the game, there was no point stressing about it. He didn’t know every little thing about me either. In fact, most of the private stuff I hadn’t divulged yet. My story, like his, was not always happy, and I didn’t necessarily want to dump it on every person who walked by.

After sitting and chatting for a while, Keely and I went in and helped Dad cook dinner while Mom not so slyly wrapped presents for tomorrow in the other room. Keely and I were old enough not to want our gifts spoiled, so she didn’t have to hide when she wrapped anymore. When the lasagna was in the oven, I helped Mom wrap a couple of Dad’s presents. She didn’t talk to me much other than to continue to tell me that I needed to buy an iron for my clothes and it was about as awkward as I had feared it would be.

At dinner, I sat between Dad and Keely, as I always had, with my mom across from me. Right now our table was a little square, but when we had three grandparents, two aunts, and an uncle come over, we’d have to put some leaves in it to make room. Dad prayed over the meal and it got quiet again. Keely saved the day after a minute and started blabbering about a sermon Cory’s Dad had given the week before and we discussed that for a while.

Religion was a popular topic at my family’s table. The rest of the family was much more devout than me. I believed in a higher power, but I didn’t have a church in Ebott. Most of my personality was offensive to most Christians I met. Which was not to say that I didn’t meet more liberal ones, but they were a little harder to find than the conservatives. But still, I’d been raised Lutheran and I could talk bible with the best of them, so we spent a lot of dinner talking about it and it felt comfortable. Normal. This was what my family did and me being a semi-famous blogger that preached a message my mother was fundamentally against didn’t change it.

You know, until we got to the topic of certain politicians and their undying hatred for Muslims because they apparently were all terrorists. Even though it wasn’t really a joking matter, we laughed about it, not even knowing how else to handle it.

“Oh yes, please tell me more about how you’re calling yourself a Christian and your plan as president is to exclude half the population of this country from having rights and blow up most of the other ones. Jesus would be so proud.”

This conversation, too, was comfortable, but in the back of my mind I was so frustrated because my mother was talking about this issue like it was at all different from the Monster issue. The Monsters she so feared had done nothing at all to deserve it. Her fear of them was based on what she had read about things that look vaguely similar—AKA Smaug the Terrible and Aragog the Acromantula—that actually have no relation to them at all. Had she even bothered to read my blog? If she had read a couple entries, she would see how completely undifferent they are from us.

But she refused to see it as the same thing and it made me want to flip the table over.

And finally, it became too much.

“Hey, Dad?”

I don’t know what he’d been saying, but he stopped speaking and looked to be in concern. “You okay?”

“I only thought I should tell you that I have a boyfriend. And he wants to meet you guys.”

His eyebrows shot up.

Before he had a chance to say anything, my mom piped in. “OH! You do? That’s wonderful! Why didn’t you ever tell me? Is he free on Sunday? He should come on by and we’ll make him dinner.”

I looked to Keely and she caught on. “Mom, that’s too weird. They only just got together. You can’t already have the one on one dinner. You gotta invite a couple of her friends over. I’ll invite Cory. It can be a big thing.”

“A big thing a couple days after Christmas?” asked my father distastefully.

“Riley and I will do all the cooking,” Keely added. “All you have to do is get charmed by Riley’s new man. Okay?”

Dad still looked a little unsure, so my mom without realizing what she was asking, pouted while saying, “Come on, honey, we have to meet Riley’s boyfriend.”

He sighed. “Yes, alright. But when the house gets thrashed on Christmas and you don’t want to clean it on Saturday, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Deal,” I said quickly.

I knew it was a dirty plan. Not even warning her what she was getting into wasn’t particularly kind, but I had to show her that she was wrong about Monsters and she would’ve immediately vetoed if I had told her. And if she refused to see it even after meeting some, then there was no hope for her and I had to believe she wasn’t _that_ bigoted.

Well. I certainly hoped so.

Guess I’d find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song I Love Bread that is mentioned is in reference to the song by ParryGripp and can be found on le Tube of Yous at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtV9Vi6tSVk 
> 
> Blah blah I don’t own it please don’t sue me blah.
> 
> It made its way into this story thanks to Kyndy101. Thanks for making me laugh out loud!


	26. Charm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about there being no update yesterday! I was out of the house from dawn 'til dusk, and I was so tired by the time I got back that I just conked out. I just woke up a couple hours after falling asleep remembering that I had a chapter to post. I got a minor concussion on Friday so I keep forgetting things! Haha well anyway, better late than never!

I hadn’t had any idea what I was getting for Christmas, since I didn’t ask for anything. I expected a couple sweaters from Mom and a CD from Dad, but that wasn’t what ended up happening.

My Dad got me a premium subscription for the blog site I used, which meant I had more flexibility with page design and could create a custom URL. It hadn’t even occurred to me to ask for something like this and I kinda flipped out while Mom got all quiet and broody in the corner.

My mom got me a new pair of Docs, saying I needed some color in my wardrobe. My normal pair was just plain black while these were dark purple.

Keely pulled me into her room so I wasn’t in front of the extended family when I opened her gift: a t-shirt that said “Ask Me About My Cock” that had the face of a rooster printed on the inside if you pulled the shirt over your head. My mom came into the room after a minute thinking that my raucous laughter might have been me dying. Sans would get such a kick out of this.

Then I got a nauseating floral dress that was at least two sizes too small from my aunt and uncle that thankfully came with a gift receipt, an urban photography book from my other aunt, a fuzzy blanket from my mom’s parents, and a wad of cash from my dad’s mom. Along with the candy that had been in my stocking, I’d have quite the haul to take back to Ebott.

I spent the evening of Christmas writing a blog post announcing that I was getting a new URL and figuring out how to make sure the old URL redirected to the new one in case people didn’t get the memo. I’d save the pimping out of my blog for another day.

The day after Christmas was mostly spent by the fire with the family. Mom was in an especially good mood the past couple of days, which gave me some hope that things would turn out okay with my friends, whom I’d called on Christmas Eve to invite over for Sunday. Papyrus was so excited and I felt horrible—he’d overheard the argument I’d had with my Mom, but he didn’t understand the implications the way the others did. He was so thrilled to meet ‘the human’s family’ and I didn’t have the heart to tell him how badly it might go. I just told him to maybe save the hugging for a later date, since I didn’t want him breaking any ribs.

“What do you mean? I, The Great Papyrus, would never hurt your family!”

That was when I figured out that Papyrus had no idea how strong he was and that his painful hugs were, in fact, an accident.

How he could be that strong and not know it I couldn’t fathom, but after some thought it made a little sense. I’d seen a some of what Sans could do and he could fuck shit up if he wanted. If Papyrus were capable of getting angry the way Sans did, who knew what he was capable of.

The thought made me uncomfortable and I shoved it away the moment it came.

Sunday morning came and I realized I didn’t really know when my friends were planning on coming. Sans was the only number my family had, so I texted him and asked, but he didn’t answer, as per fucking usual. I should’ve bothered to ask for Papyrus’ number. If a time came when Papyrus didn’t reply within a minute, I’d be seriously concerned he had died.

I told both my parents that the word “boyfriend” was entirely forbidden. They thought it was because I was embarrassed but it was actually because I hadn’t quite told the others we were even dating. Whoopsies.

I spent the morning helping my Dad in the backyard—it was his constant project and he’d gotten some seeds for Christmas that he couldn’t plant until some weeds were eradicated from the area—and all the while hoped I’d be able to hear the doorbell when it rang.

As it turned out, I heard them far before the doorbell rang.

“Thank you very much for transporting us, taxi man!” I could hear Papyrus yell it all the way from the back yard.

Oh Jesus. I shot up and ran through the side gate.

I hadn’t bothered to ask how they were getting here. I almost thought Sans would just teleport them, but it looked like they had, in fact, called a taxi, as Papyrus’ exclamation had implied.  

I watched as they piled out of the car. I didn’t know whether they’d thought to bring human money, but I didn’t ask. I went over to the driver’s side and asked how much it was and the look on his face like he’d just had the strangest customers of his life made me give him a really big tip.

“RILEY!” Papyrus said as he picked me up. I huffed out a breath as he tried to kill me with love and Undyne slapped my back.

“You think your mommy’s gonna piss herself when she meets us?” she asked.

“I certainly hope not,” I wheezed, and Papyrus took the hint and set me down.

“I apologize,” he said, sounding just a little timid. “I was trying to be gentle.”

“No problem,” I said, rubbing my sternum. I took another look at Papyrus and realized with a start that he wasn’t wearing his battle body (AKA a costume he and Sans had once sewn together that became his favorite outfit) or even a sleeveless shirt that said cool dude and stunner shades. He was in a baggy red jumper (no ugly designs on it) and jeans and Sans was wearing the same thing, except his sweater was blue. I couldn’t figure out who had gotten who to dress appropriately, since I expected Sans to be in sweats and Papyrus to be in booty shorts and it didn’t occur to me that anything else might be a possibility. Not that I really cared what they wore on any other day, but I figured that this would go better if they were dressed somewhat normally… and maybe not in something that was called a battle body in front of the woman who was afraid the Monsters were here to start a war in the first place. But hey, this was a good omen, right? It meant everything was going to go smoothly.

But seeing as Papyrus was currently running around the front yard calling everything he saw cool while Undyne laughed so hard she couldn’t breathe, I wasn’t so sure that was possible.

I sighed heavily. “This was a bad idea.”

Sans heard me even though I wasn’t necessarily talking to him and he grinned. “Definitely. Lucky for you I forgot my joy buzzer. That’s what happens when I wake up before noon.”

I rolled my eyes. “Come on. Let’s get inside.”

* * *

 

My mom walked in from the kitchen—even though Keely and I cooking had been part of the deal, she had insisted upon helping—when she heard Undyne saying the place was ‘pretty damn sleek” and she just stared for a long moment at the assembly. A tall fish, an even taller skeleton, a short skeleton, and an even shorter dinosaur was not the company she was expecting.

And to my horror, the first thing Papyrus did was start towards her quickly.

Please don’t hug her please don’t hug her _please don’t hug her_ …

He reached forward and took her hand before she had a chance to withdraw, shaking it vigorously. “Riley’s mother, it is very nice to finally meet you. You are very pretty. I like your apron. I also have an apron. My name is Papyrus and your daughter is my best friend, other than my brother Sans, of course, because family is very important. Are you cooking? Is it spaghetti? I love spaghetti. Did I tell you that you’re pretty?”

She stared up at the skeleton with her mouth open and her eyes wide.

After a moment, she gained her composure. My well-raised mother was nothing if not couth. “Papyrus, was it? Very nice to meet you, young man.” She shook his hand and gave him a grin.

I was almost waiting for someone to say that he was actually several centuries older than her and I was relieved when nobody did it. One piece of culture shock at a time.

The others approached and introduced themselves. Undyne managed not to curse or give any friendly punches. I didn’t expect Alphys to do anything ridiculous anyway, but it turned out she was so nervous that she just said her name and left it at that.

Then it was Sans’ turn and I crossed my fingers. I’d told my parents my new boyfriend’s name so she’d know the moment he introduced himself. _Sans, please, for the love of god, don’t have a whoopee cushion on you._

Sans walked up to her and took her hand. “You have a beautiful home. Thank you so much for inviting us.”

I felt my jaw drop and my mom looked a little surprised herself. “Oh. Yes, of course.”

“I know you haven’t seen the best of Monsters so far, but I hope to show you that we aren’t all the same.”

I wanted to kick him for a second for saying it… until I saw the look on her face.

I watched as she blinked in surprise, an epiphany flashing visibly across her face as she made the connection—that her prejudice against them was the same as any other prejudice in the world.

After a pause, she said, “You have nothing to prove to me. My daughter has good judgment. If you’ve befriended her, you’re worth knowing.”

Sans’ grin widened into that extra charming one, the one nobody could resist, and if I wasn’t completely mistaken, my mother blushed a little.

“Don’t know about good judgment,” Sans teased. “I’m trouble, I assure you.”

Okay, Mom was definitely blushing now. Jesus, what the hell world had I fallen into?

Then, the fucking ham, he lifted up her hand—which was still in his—and kissed her knuckles.

Mom’s mouth moved like she might say something, but nothing came out for a moment. Undyne was not-so-slyly covering her mouth to keep from laughing and Alphys had gone red.

“Ooh,” Papyrus chirped, “there’s a man gardening! I want to see!”

Luckily, that broke the spell. Sans let go of her hand and she looked over to Papyrus. “That’s my husband. Go outside and introduce yourselves if you’d like.”

“I shall, Riley’s Mother!”

“Shelly,” she said.

“Shelly!” Papyrus cried. “I, The Great Papyrus, like your name! Come on, brother, let’s go look at the flowers!”

They all started towards the back of the house and I was about to follow them when Mom put out a hand to stop me. I thought I was going to get a scolding for not warning her, but her face was soft and I knew what she was going to say.

I didn’t make her do it.

“Sometimes you gotta see things to get it,” I said. “It’s okay. There’s no hard feelings.”

After a moment she smiled and nodded, giving me a quick hug before following me out into the backyard.


	27. Trust

It seemed unreal, how well things went. Sans, after his big move to charm my mother, toned it down and was back to his wise cracking self, but that in itself was a pretty good thing in my family, since you couldn’t survive in my house without a sense of humor. And Papyrus, after people got over the fact that he was seven feet tall and talked way too loud, was too sweet not to love. Undyne talked to Dad about sports and Sans started up his knock knock jokes on Keely and Cory. I put ketchup on the table beside the parmesan cheese and Mom didn’t even bat an eye when Sans put it on his spaghetti noodles instead of the sauce we’d made.

Papyrus couldn’t get over the fact that I knew how to make spaghetti and said that sometimes on Thursdays we should make it together rather than going out to eat it.

After dinner we even had Undyne play us a song on Keely’s piano, which she noticed halfway into the meal and got pretty excited about. I’d never heard her play before and I don’t know why I was so surprised that she was as good as she was.

Then Keely, bless her soul, distracted everyone by getting out Mario Party and Sans and I were able to escape into the backyard. Sans and I both had a people quota. Sometimes we got exhausted in big groups. Today it happened to us both at the same time.

The sun had set and my dad’s lanterns were lit in the backyard. I had to admit, it was amazing what he’d done to it. It looked like a chunk of a fairy’s forest had been put behind our big suburban home, complete with strange flowering trees that managed to keep their buds in winter due to some maybe-not-exactly-legal Monster magic and statues that all seemed to move when you weren’t looking. That part I found creepy, even though Dad fucking loved the things. I’d vetoed the purchasing of any winged statues, but it was still impossible for me not to compare them all to Weeping Angels.

Sans and I sat together on the cushioned bench beneath the gazebo by the pool and it was quiet for a long time.

“Hey, Ri,” he said.

“Yeah?” I asked, my voice low from having just started to get comfortable against his warm chest.

“Did you mean what you said about wanting to hear anything about me? Even if it sucks?”

I sat up slowly, looking him in the eyes. “Of course I did.”

His tongue, which so infrequently made itself known, flicked out and licked at his lips nervously. He looked to me again. “The information aint free,” he said. “If I’m being honest, I’m going to ask you to be honest too.”

My immediate assumption was that he wanted to know what I meant when I said that I’d already been attacked the night he saved me, a topic I had never allowed him to bring up again. I didn’t want to talk about it now just like I hadn’t wanted to then, but I knew immediately that this was the best deal I was going to get. So I said, “Sure. Deal.”

Sans nodded and looked off in front of him, maybe glaring down the little stone girl with the watering bucket across the pool from us. “I suppose you’ve worked through some of it already,” Sans said.

I nodded. “I know time isn’t linear. I know that you’ve seen bad things happen to people that were erased from existence and that you’re the only one that remembers.”

“I didn’t always remember,” he said. “But I always had a feeling. It started as déjà vu, then like dreams I couldn’t completely recall. But the more times everything got reset, the more I remembered. Now I remember it all, same way I remember yesterday.”

He went quiet, so I said, “You said humans cause it.”

“Not technically true,” he murmured. “Resets have been done by humans most of the time, but by Monsters too. It’s a human soul you need, because then you’ve got determination. Determination is what Gaster called it anyway.” I didn’t know who that was, but I didn’t ask. I figured if it meant anything, he’d tell me. “I didn’t know how it happened for a long time. All I knew was that when a human died in the Underground, or was under a huge amount of stress, they could erase bits of time. When they did, they’d appear in designated spots. Frisk is the one that filled in the last piece of the puzzle for me: that there are golden lights in the Underground, and that when Frisk died down there, they would appear back at the one they last touched. So all I can guess is that those lights trigger the determination in a human soul and become… well… I guess you could call them save points?”

“What, are we talking about real life or a video game?” I asked, sounding less light than I intended.

Sans chuckled quietly. “Yeah. I wonder that sometimes too.”

It took me another minute to truly process what he’d said. And when I asked the next question, I asked it slowly, with something like fear in my voice that I couldn’t shake. “But… you’re telling me that if a human touches one of these golden lights, one of these save points, they won’t die anymore.”

“They’ll still die,” Sans said, his voice suddenly dark. “But they can come back if they want. And from what I know of humans, they _always_ decide to come back.”

So… if I died, right now, I would appear at the last golden light I touched? Like nothing ever happened?

Holy shit.

If I had known I was giving myself that type of power, I never in a million years would have touched it.

Right?

It was all too much to process, so I put it in the back of my mind to think about later. Instead I asked Sans, “But if Asgore killed all those humans, how did he do it if they could just poof back to the last save point?”

“Not exactly sure, but I think he and Alphy found a way to take the determination out of the souls. Alphys used the determination to run experiments for Asgore and he kept the souls, which persisted but couldn’t reset without their determination.”

I couldn’t even begin to imagine how that was possible, so I didn’t say anything.

But it didn’t matter, because Sans kept talking. “There’s a reason I decided to open up about this. There’s story that I gotta tell you. Just to be clear, I don’t want to tell you, but I’ve got a point and I think you need to hear what happened.”

“Okay…”

“You know that humans ended up in the Underground and that Asgore killed them.” I nodded. “What you didn’t know, but maybe have figured out since then, was that they were all little kids.”

Nobody had said it right out, but once I met Frisk I started to wonder.

“Yeah. I know.”

“The kids that fall down into the Underground, they’re scared. They don’t really know what they’re doing. That excuse—well, most days it’s enough for me to be a little lenient, but sometimes it feels flimsy, you know? But anyway. There was one kid that came down. He had this cowboy hat.”

I swallowed. Oh. So _this_ was the story he was telling. I mentally braced myself for a super not fun tale and wondered with trepidation why Sans thought I needed to hear it.

“I guess he was into video games and action movies and stuff, I don’t really know. But he started going through the Underground and then he died for the first time and came back good as new and he got this feeling that he had landed in a video game. And so… he…” Sans paused to sigh and leaned his head back to stare at the tarp overhead. “I think he got it in his head that we weren’t real, you know? So… he just started… killing everyone. And I do mean _everyone_. All the kids before Frisk killed at least one Monster. Usually because they were scared, but they always did it. But this kid, he was different. He killed Monsters that wouldn’t dream of fighting back. He went out of his way looking for more Monsters to kill. He thought it was a fucking game. And he… well…” He grimaced. “Paps. You know.”

“I know,” I said, shifting closer to him and putting my hand on his knee. “You don’t have to say it.”

He nodded and continued, “At first I thought it really was just the kid, but then I realized there was something more than that going on. There was something… inside him. Something that clung onto the violence in him and started using him. I realized that whatever was in him was really bad news, and that it was going to try to destroy everything. So even though I always made sure to stay out of it, I came out and tried to stop him myself. I… well, I killed that kid a _lot_. Maybe twenty times, maybe a hundred. I don’t really know. It all blurs together. But finally, I told the kid that he couldn’t be all bad. That he couldn’t want the world to end like this. That if there was any decency inside him, he’d just leave… and then I killed him again, cuz he was pissing me off, and because I figured my words wouldn’t make any difference anyway. But… by some miracle, he did what I said. He fought off the thing inside him and he reset, way back to the beginning, and this time around he didn’t go killing people mindlessly. Though he did kill Papyrus again,” Sans added harshly. “I don’t know what he had against my brother, but I got lucky when Undyne killed him before he saved again and the third time, he let Paps live.” He shook his head and I couldn’t tell if he was looking at me because his eyes had gone black.

His pupils reappeared before he said, “He still died in the end, because Asgore killed him, but all the bad he did was undone. And it must be really comforting to know you can fuck up as bad as that fucking kid did and make it all disappear. That kind of power, it could get to anyone’s head.”

Then he looked to me again, his pupils gone once again, and I suddenly understood why he was telling me this story.

He knew.

“They were little kids,” I said after a second, but my voice was breathless. “They didn’t know any better.”

“I’m not convinced any humans know better,” he replied, and I scooted a little bit away from him at the hostility in his voice.

“Sans…” I said carefully.

“Alright,” Sans cut in coldly. “So I was honest. It’s your turn now. That Monster Candy you gave me on Halloween. Where did you get it?”

I felt my eyes widen and I tried to think of what to say. The truth, obviously, since lying wouldn’t do me any good at his point, but there had to be a delicate way to say it, a way to explain it that he might understand.

I thought for too long and he started talking again. “You told me that night that you found it in my kitchen, and I didn’t think about it again until Christmas when we were at Tori’s house and she gave us all a piece of Monster Candy and I realized that I don’t know where she gets the stuff. I’ve never seen it anywhere in the Underground—only she knows where it was. Which means it was probably in the Ruins with her. So if there was Monster Candy in my kitchen, she would’ve had to sneak it there, and that doesn’t seem very likely. Which means you didn’t find it in the kitchen, did you?”

I didn’t dare to pause for as long this time, fearing what he would say. “No. I didn’t find it in the kitchen.”

He nodded and I wasn’t able to look at him anymore. I glanced over to the house, where I could see my parents chatting at the table and all my friends and my sister and her boyfriend sitting in front of the TV, playing games together.

“Why did you lie to me?” he asked.

I knotted my fingers together in my lap and looked down at them. “I didn’t think you’d like that I went down there without telling you, especially not when you were drunk and already bummed out. It didn’t seem like a good time. And after that…” I almost said that it never came up, but that seemed like a stupid excuse even in my own head, so I sighed, rubbing my face. “I don’t know. I just didn’t want to upset you.”

“And why did you go down there in the first place?”

“Just to see it,” I said.

“Not for the lights?”

I looked up at him. “What? I didn’t even know what the lights did.”

“But I told you about time and that the lights do it. You’re smart enough to guess what that might mean.”

I could’ve mentioned that he didn’t talk to me about the lights until after I had already gone down there, but honestly, even if he had told me first, I would still be shocked and pretty insulted at his insinuation. “You think I went down there looking for immortality?” I hissed. “I went down there for my _blog_ , Sans. I’m an anthropologist. Of course I wanted to see the society for myself. Jesus, what kind of person do you think I am?”

“Doesn’t matter what _kind_ of person you are, just that you _are_ a person.”

I stared at him, my eyes burning. “If you hate humans so much then what the fuck are you doing here? What are you doing with me?”

In an instant, his pupils returned. “Wait a second. I didn’t say anything about hating—”

“You assume I’m going to do something selfish and horrible just because I’m a human. How’s that any different than my mom thinking you’re all bad for being Monsters?”

He didn’t have anything to say to that. His mouth had shut again and there was something sad in the set of his eyes. Then he sighed, rubbing his hands against his eye holes. He looked back up and immediately his pupils blew wide in concern. I then furiously rubbed at my eyes, realizing too late that I had started crying.

“Hey. Rye Bread. Come here.” He opened his arms for me and I shook my head, chuckling humorlessly as I stood up. If that’s how he felt about my entire species, I didn’t even know what to say to him.

In an instant he was in front of me. “Ri, I’m sorry. You’re right. You’re totally right.” I crossed my arms and looked into his eyes. “But…”

“Oh, good, there’s a but.”

He looked at me a little exasperatedly and I stood there silently, waiting for him to finish.

His voice certainly sounded more careful when he started up this time. “Can you at least try to understand why I’m so scared? It’s not like I think you’re going to go on a killing spree, but… I just can’t go through any more resets. All that time I have to relive… it gets empty, Ri. It’s so hard to convince myself any of it matters when it could all just disappear. I was already worried about Frisk, because they could reset any time, and now you and Alex can reset too and that’s a lot of people to keep track of. I don’t want any more resets, Ri. I can’t do it.”

He hung his head and I found myself coming forward, putting my arms around him. He squeezed me tight and dug his face into my shoulder. “Sans, I won’t reset, okay? And I’ll tell Alex and she won’t reset either. I can’t say anything for Frisk but I think they’re smart enough now to know not to do it. Okay?”

It was quiet for a long moment before he looked up at me, his pupils huge and glowing with tiny blue specks of tears in the corners of his eyes. “You really mean that?” he asked.

“I promise, Sans. I won’t reset.”

His smile finally returned. “Thank you,” he said.

“Of course,” I replied, pressing my forehead against his. “I don’t want you to hurt anymore.”

He pressed a kiss to my lips and I grinned into his mouth.

“Come on,” I said. “We should get in on the gaming.”

“Sure,” he replied, “but just know you’re **shin** for a beat down.”

I laughed and we went back inside.


	28. Empty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, bad news first. I am going camping next week, which means I will be in the wilderness with no internet, which means I can't post any chapters.
> 
> Good news second: I am going to post all the chapters that would be posted next Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday early. So this Saturday I'll be posting four chapters.
> 
> Though when you finish Chapter 32, it's likely you won't be thanking me for having to wait more than a week for the next chapter.
> 
> On that comforting note, on with the show.

I didn’t think anything of what messages I might have waiting for me when I got my phone back. It didn’t occur to me that not having it for going on five days might mean people were trying to contact me and I was missing all of it, seeing as all my friends were with me (minus Alex, who was for some reason ignoring me).

But Alex turned out to be the thing I was missing.

The second I got my phone reactivated, it vibrated nonstop with seven texts and twenty-nine missed calls… from Alex’s mom, of all people.

I was so alarmed by the calls that I didn’t even read the texts or listen to the voicemails before I called her.

“Riley!” she gasped when she answered after only one ring. “I’ve been trying to get hold of you all weekend!”

“I know, I’m sorry,” I said. “My phone was broken and I only just got a new one. What’s going on?”

“It’s Alex!” she cried. She started speaking so quickly that it was hard to follow her words. “She didn’t come home for Christmas, and I thought maybe you’d know where she was, which was why we kept calling, but then last night her phone showed up on our doorstep with a note that said ‘don’t look for me’! I don’t know what’s going on, Riley. Please tell me you know where she is!”

What the hell? What, Alex ran away? That didn’t make any sense. First of all, she was a grown ass adult. If she was running from her parents, that was a little dumb, seeing as she didn’t even live in the same town as them. If she was running from me, then she wouldn’t leave the note on their doorstep, she’d leave it on _my_ parents’, wouldn’t she?

I knew she’d been acting weird, but I never considered that she’d do something this insane. Where would she go?

“I’m guessing you checked with Marco.”

“He’s also with his parents for the holiday all the way across the country. He told us we were allowed to check his place to make sure she wasn’t sleeping there while he was gone, but there was no sign of her.”

None of this made a lick of sense. Alex had nowhere to go if it wasn’t with Marco. She didn’t have enough money to go trekking the country.

And even if she did, why wouldn’t she tell me?

Why wouldn’t she just talk to me?

I grit my teeth against the frustration that wanted to build up so I could speak to Alex’s mother. My voice was blander than I meant it to be and I hoped she didn’t notice.

“I honestly have no idea,” I told her. “I’m sorry. I wish I did. She’s barely been talking to me lately. I was starting to think something was wrong, but…” I didn’t really know what else to say and I didn’t want to be on the phone anymore. “If I figure anything out, I’ll tell you,” I added, and she whimpered something that maybe was supposed to be a response. Then I hung up.

My whole family had been in the room with me and now they were staring at me in confusion.

“It’s Alex,” I said. “She’s gone missing.”

* * *

 

I didn’t need to go back to the apartment to know that she wouldn’t be there, but I think part of me was hoping this was some huge prank and that I’d get back and she’d jump my bones.

No such luck.

I picked the lock to her room—which was locked from the inside even though she definitely wasn’t in there—and saw that it didn’t look like she’d packed anything. There was no note, no sign of where she might’ve gone. I couldn’t text her to tell her to quit being stupid and come home already, since she’d left her phone with her parents.

I had to have done something. It was me she’d been ignoring, and it was my house she ran away from.

But what the hell had I done to make her do something like this?

I lay on her bed for a long time that day, hoping her intentions were imbedded in the sheets and might enter me through osmosis if I sat there long enough. 

Nothing came to me.

* * *

 

Apparently, the Monster policy of helping the less fortunate with rent applied to me now. My friends pitched in to help me with rent when January came, since my sandwich shop salary couldn’t pay for a two bedroom apartment and I couldn’t get out of my lease and get into a smaller place until May.

But obviously Alex would be back way before then, so none of that was going to be a problem.

I spent a lot of time going through the motions of things without really caring about most of it. I was glad school wasn’t back in session yet because the thought of going back to classes, starting my last semester of college, without Alex… it was wrong. Impossible. We’d been a team for so long.

I had this weird quirk where sometimes my room felt too small and I slept on the couch instead. I fell back into this habit as soon as I came back from Christmas, which meant I spent most of my time lying on the couch, posting all the backup blog posts I’d been saving for when I wasn’t going to be able to get any out. Even posting backups, I still didn’t post as much as I was supposed to be. Just enough that people probably wouldn’t ask questions.

My friends texted me to hang out, but I told them I must’ve gotten a nasty bug over Christmas. Two weeks later the excuse was becoming more flimsy, but they didn’t insist I come out, so I kept refusing.

The only thing that got me out of the house was work, which I didn’t really have to give a shit about. Plus, we were a lot less busy over break, which meant I barely had any shifts.

There was only one person that knew.

_sans 8D (4:17pm): i didn’t think it was possible for a person to get this deathly sick and not, you know, die._

_sans 8D (2:39pm): i got another batch of that great bud. it’s too good to smoke alone._

_sans 8D (3:12am): please talk to me, rye bread. i miss you._

I’d stopped responding to him once I realized he wasn’t fooled. Why send him a text he would know was a lie?

* * *

 

It had been almost three weeks since Christmas by now. I lying on the couch and staring at the ceiling.

I sensed more than saw someone appear in the room. I think even if he had been in the room next door, I would’ve had a feeling he was there. When he teleported, there was this thrumming power you could feel if you were anywhere near him. I had become so attuned to what his power felt like that I was pretty sure I would’ve known he was coming even if he had bothered to teleport outside the door.

Which, you know, he _could’ve_ done.

“What, you’re not even gonna knock?” I asked, not looking at him. “Someone might think you’re a creep.”

“You’re not wearing pants,” he noted.

It was true. I was in a pair of lacy underwear and a t-shirt. I knew that I was freezing from the numbness in my toes, but I couldn’t really feel it.

“It’s my house. I don’t have to wear pants if I don’t want to.”

“Not good for if creeps show up in your front room.”

I didn’t respond. I continued to look ahead, up at the boring white ceiling that I’d been looking at for weeks now. I hated that stupid ceiling, and still I couldn’t stop staring at it. Like Alex might just suddenly appear in the stucco—or at least an epiphany of what I had done to make her leave in the first place.

I watched in my peripherals as Sans leaned down beside me. “Riley—”

“Can you just go away?” I muttered.

To my surprise, he laughed. I looked over to him in confusion and he said, “You remember that day Paps brought you home when I was depressed?”

“Yeah,” I grunted.

“If Papyrus hadn’t been there, I would’ve told you to shove off. But in the end, I’m glad you were there. I needed you there, even though I didn’t know it at the time. And maybe it’s full of myself to think so, but I like to think I might be able to make you feel better the same way you made me feel better. So whaddayou say? Can I at least try to cheer you up?”

I continued to look at him and, after another moment, I sighed. “If you can fit yourself on this couch with me, you can stay,” I told him. I shifted a little to make sure I was taking up as much room as possible.

“Easy,” he said immediately, and I thought he would try to shove himself in beside me, but instead he lie right on top of me, his head on my chest. He was light, a lot lighter than I thought he would be. Then again, he was only bone under all those clothes, right? How heavy could he be?

“Seriously?” I asked, exasperated. 

“Yup. To be honest, I’m **bone** -tired. Wouldn’t mind a nap. Nap with me?”

I was surprised that was his first step in cheering me up, seeing as I’d been doing a lot of napping recently and had nothing against napping some more.

I didn’t say anything. I just let him lay on top of me and I shut my eyes again. After a moment, his hand rested on top of mine on the couch and I let my fingers intertwine with his before I fell asleep.

* * *

 

Sans stayed at my house for days. I’d had people try to cheer me up before, but never quite like this. He didn’t tell me everything was alright, and he didn’t tell me that I needed to get out of the house. He didn’t force me to eat or shower or tell me not to sleep all day. Honestly, some people might’ve frowned upon his version of cheering me up because most people focused on me being healthy first and foremost and he clearly didn’t mind that I was nearly starving myself or that I took shots throughout the day for no particular reason. He just watched me with that look in his eye, like he totally got it, and he hung out with me. We watched movies, listened to music, smoked out of my new bong. I read the first few chapters of _Harry Potter_ to him out loud and then he started reading it himself while I was napping or writing blog posts—since I was running low on backups and I didn’t really want to run out.

Gradually, without really noticing it happening, I started to feel better. I ordered in Chinese and I took a shower. I dyed my hair—the red and green from Christmas had been fading pretty bad, so I dyed it six different colors, which I hadn’t bothered to do in a long time because it took a while. I put the bottle of gin back in the alcohol cabinet instead of having it out at the ready and I laughed at his jokes. Sans was a really fast reader and was already on the _Order of the Phoenix_ and since that was my favorite _Harry Potter_ book, I started reading to him out loud again.  

And when I laughed, he’d look at me with that expression that he’d had since the day we met in that diner, like my laugh was the best one he’d ever heard.

* * *

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (3:57pm): EXCUSE ME HUMAN, BUT WHEN ARE YOU GIVING MY BROTHER BACK?_

I guffawed when I read it and showed it to Sans, who had his head on my lap as we again looked for shapes in the stucco. I was hating the ceiling less today.

He laughed too. “Yeah, he’s texted me like twelve times telling me that he misses me.”

“Aw, poor Paps! You should go back.” He looked up at me with one boney brow arch raised. “I’m okay,” I said. “Really. I promise.”

He kept looking at me closely before he flopped onto his side, putting his arms around me. “Maybe I just wanna hang out with you,” he said into my stomach.

I laughed again. “You’ve been hanging out with me for like four days now. Aren’t you tired of me yet?”

He took his face out of my t-shirt and looked up at me. “Dunno, are you tired of me?”

“Not really,” I said honestly.

“Me neither,” he said, and I smiled at him.

“But your brother misses you.”

“He’ll live. I’ve told him like ten times that if he wants to see me that bad, he should just come over.”

I sighed, but I didn’t really want him to leave, so I didn’t say anything else, instead telling him about the Vulkin in the stucco.


	29. Direct

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the beginning of my super mega post! Four chapters right now, and then the next chapter will be posted June 28th. Sorry for the break, but at least we're coming up on the ending!
> 
> Enjoy.

I was definitely surprised when Sans wanted to go on an official date. Not because I didn’t think he liked going out with me, but because it implied wearing a shirt without ketchup stains and being around people and moving and he wasn’t a huge fan of anything like that.

But, as loathe as I was to admit it, I was a romantic at heart and I was pretty thrilled to go out with him. I put on my black maxi-dress, which I had to safety pin in the back to make fit right. My couple week bout of starving myself meant I had lost a significant amount of weight. I’d never be skinny—I just didn’t have the body type for that—but even being what society would call “plus sized” I still managed to look a little unhealthy.

I had to nearly re-pierce my ears to get the red earrings that matched my necklace into my ears, since it’d been so long since I wore jewelry. I even pulled out my blood red lipstick, which hadn’t seen any use since back when I was into wearing Goth makeup for my Dom nights.

On my way out of the apartment, I looked at Alex’s door and frowned. It felt like she should’ve been standing there in the doorway making fun of my cleavage or telling me to wrap my willy if I didn’t want to have any Monster babies tonight.

When that bitch got back, I was going to kill her for scaring me like this and then I was going to fuck the shit out of her for making me miss her so much.

I thought it in passing and then went out the door.

I took the long way to their place because the weather was nice.

Well, anyone else would probably think I was crazy for saying that. It was mid-January, so it was cold as balls out, but the snow had settled a few hours earlier and the sun hadn’t yet managed to melt it into ice, so it was perfect powder that crunched happily beneath my toes. The sky was gray and close, but for once it felt comforting rather than claustrophobic. Considering how shitty the last couple weeks had been, I was feeling good today. School was starting on Monday and it was my last semester. And obviously Alex would show up on Sunday night, saying of course she wasn’t going to miss our first day back.

That was wishful thinking, of course, but part of me really wondered if it was true—enough so that I knew if/when it didn’t happen, I would be disappointed. 

When I got to the house, I half expected Sans to be smoking, but he wasn’t outside. I didn’t bother to knock before I went inside.

When I went into the front room, Papyrus poked his head out of the kitchen, his ‘Hot Housewife’ turned ‘COOL SKELETON’ apron tied around his spine. “Human!” he exclaimed, giving me a huge grin. “It’s very nice to—”

That was the moment that he really got a good look at me.

His eyes got huge as he stepped around the corner, a bowl of what appeared to be chocolate chip cookie dough under his arm. “WOWIE!” he cried. “You look very pretty tonight, Riley!”

“Oh, thanks,” I muttered, feeling myself get red at the compliment.

“Why have you dressed upwards today?” he asked me and I had to try not to roll my eyes at his inability to use idioms correctly.

I smirked. “Maybe I just dressed up to see you, Hot Housewife.”

I thought he might just laugh or take it in stride, but after a moment, he frowned a little, setting the bowl of dough on top of Sans’ quantum physics textbook as he walked towards me, putting his hands on my shoulders. He looked down at me significantly and I had a strange feeling we had just had some huge misunderstanding.

“Papyrus,” I said blandly, “what are you doing.”

He ignored me. “Riley,” he sighed dramatically. “I’ve been meaning to speak to you about this. I’ve noticed that you’ve been over here quite often lately. And now you’re coming over in these very nice clothes…”

I gaped up at him. Oh shit. He knew about me and Sans and probably he was upset that I kept it from him. Damn it, we should’ve told him. Now he was going to have hurt feelings and—

“I know that I am a very attractive skeleton and humans are very taken by my dashing looks, but I see you only as a friend. I—”

It honestly took me that long to realize what he was trying to say to me. As soon as it registered, I shook my head. “Wait. Whoa. Paps. Chill out. I don’t have a thing for you.”

“I know you are ashamed to have been found out,” Papyrus said mournfully, “but fear not. We can still be friends.”

I could’ve just let it go if it weren’t for my pride, which I could almost physically feel stabbing itself to death inside of me.

“Papyrus, I don’t like you like that,” I said, sounding terser than I really needed to.

“Riley, I, The Great Papyrus, truly understand. Why else would you be over so often, dressing so nicely? I—”

“Paps.” My face was on fire when I heard the voice and I glanced to the side, where Sans was standing in the hallway, his head peeking out around the corner. “Dude. Ever consider it’s me she has a thing for?”

My eyes blew wide. Really? _That’s_ how we were gonna tell him?

And then Papyrus started cackling. I looked over to him in confusion to see that he was bent over double as he laughed his ass off. He kept trying to get his breath with a quiet “nyeh” but then he’d just start cracking up again.

I looked over to Sans, who looked unsurprised and pretty entertained by the reaction.

Finally, Papyrus was able to speak again. “The human has better taste than to like a lazybones like you!” Papyrus exclaimed, still grinning.

It seemed a little harsh to me, and part of me immediately wanted to defend him, but Sans was clearly getting a kick out of it. “Right you are. Riley has fantastic taste. I’d know, because she told me who she likes. She’s **skella** into him.”

I wanted to slap my hand to my head. That was easily one of the worst puns I’d ever heard him utter.

Papyrus stood up straight, his hands on his hips. “My popularity is irresistible.”

“Sure is,” Sans agreed. “How could she like a slob like me with you around?”

Then he stepped out from behind the corner.

Sans wasn’t so bad at melodrama when he wanted to be, because the moment he picked to reveal himself was perfect.

My jaw dropped.

He was wearing it. The Mettaton suit that he swore he would never wear. The slacks and the shirt were both black and fit so well that I felt like I could get wet just staring at him. Then he wore a skinny red tie—far out of his usual color range, but he must’ve known how much I would like the darker look on him.

And we were accidentally matching to boot.

“SANS!” Papyrus cried. “YOU’RE WEARING A SUIT!”

“Yup. Rye Bread and I are going to a fancy convention for slobby people. Don’t wait up.”

He walked over and grabbed my hand and I wanted to hit him. How ungraceful could he be?

“Wait. Sans. Are you saying—”

Papyrus’ question was cut off early by Sans shutting the door behind us.

“Jesus Sans,” I said with a laugh, “you could’ve been a little less blunt about it!”

“Eh,” Sans muttered, “this is more fun.”

I shook my head, chuckling, as we started walking down the street together.

It took me a minute to register the fact that we were walking. “What, no teleportation?”

“I know you like walking,” he explained.

“But this’ll be almost an hour walk. You sure you’re up for that?”

He turned to me with a playful grin. “I’m tryin’ to be a gentleman. Just let me, alright?”

I laughed. “Fine. But you’re not allowed to complain about your feet hurting.”

“Deal.”


	30. Fabulous

It was the next day when Papyrus texted me again, but this time he wasn’t asking for his brother back.

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (5:43pm): I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU._

_Riley (5:51pm): Okay, what is it?_

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (5:51pm): NO, I MUST TELL YOU IN PERSON. WE CAN MEET SOMEWHERE IF YOU WOULD LIKE. AT YOUR EARLIEST CONVENIENCE. AND BY THAT I MEAN RIGHT NOW._

I snorted out a laugh. Usually he was more into punctuality than urgency, but maybe he just missed me. I liked to entertain the idea that might be true.

_Riley (5:59pm): Dude, you know where I live. Just come over._

_THE GREAT PAPYRUS (5:59pm): O_O I AM INVITED TO COME OVER? THEN I’LL SEE YOU VERY SOON!_

I looked at the text with my head tilted. It didn’t even occur to me that Papyrus had enough manners that he was waiting for permission to come over. I felt a little bad.

“Sans, did you know that Papyrus wouldn’t come over unless I invited him?”

Sans was in the kitchen, opening up a new bottle of ketchup. “Eh. I kinda wondered.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me, you ass? I would’ve invited him over days ago!”

He set his ketchup on the table and plopped down over the edge of the couch—not minding the fact that I was already sitting there, which meant he was sprawled out over my lap. “Maybe I wanted to keep you to myself,” he said.

I rolled my eyes. “Then you’re a selfish bastard.”

“I never said I wasn’t,” he said with a wink before flailing out for the ketchup and taking a big swig.

* * *

 

Papyrus knocked on my door upon his arrival.

Except, no, that’s not how it happened.

What actually happened was that a frantic pounding started on my door and I looked down at Sans in exasperation, who was chuckling to himself without offering apology nor explanation for his brother’s insanity.

I shoved Sans off my lap so I could go answer the door. The pounding didn’t stop the entire way down the hall and when I opened it, Papyrus’ fist was still in the air and my neighbor had stuck his head out the door to glare at us.

I tugged Papyrus in the house and shut the door, offering my middle finger to the neighbor as I disappeared, since he’d always been an asshole anyway.

“Paps,” I said, trying to find my patient voice, which I felt out of practice with after three weeks alone or with Sans. “Is there a reason you’re assaulting my door?”

“Because we don’t have time, human!” He rushed past me and into the front room. “Brother! Your shirt is filthy!”

“Yup,” Sans agreed. He was still on the ground with his legs crossed, like he was too lazy to get up from where I pushed him.

“SANS!” Papyrus wailed. “You can’t be dressed like this for when we see Mettaton!”

See… Mettaton? Was I missing something?

“You and Sans are going to see Mettaton?” I asked.

“As are you!”

I blinked. “What?” I asked blankly.

“I just ran into him in New Hotland and he was very excited, telling me all about how his views on the you tubes have gotten much higher recently. He said it was because a blog about Monsters mentioned him!”

I did, in fact, mention his YouTube channel in the blog in October, but I only watched the first two minutes of the first episode before I decided it wasn’t my cup of tea. It seemed melodramatic and a little trashy, but I had a whole post about Monsters in social media and I figured I should bring up the Monster with the most views on YouTube—plus, I’d heard a lot about him and I knew that they were building a resort in his name, so I figured that meant he was a big deal in the Underground. I had no idea his viewership had gone up because of my reference.

Papyrus continued, “I said that I knew the human that ran the blog and he said he would like to have dinner with you tonight.”

“Tonight?”

“Yes, tonight. We have to go now, human!”

I looked down at my grubby t-shirt and flannel PJ pants and yelped, “Just a minute!”

“Wait, Riley—” Papyrus said, but I ignored him. I ran back and took the fastest shower of my life, putting on the first unwrinkled shirt I found on the ground and my nice jeans. No time for makeup, so I didn’t bother to try. My rainbow curls were extra volumized today—hopefully in a charming way rather than a ‘just had sex’ way.

But I could hear Papyrus complaining in the other room, so this was as good as it was gonna get.

“Alright!” I said as I came out of the bathroom, and Sans was openly laughing at me. “I’m ready! Let’s go!”

I realized after a moment it wasn’t me that he was laughing at, but Papyrus. He was pacing back and forth across the room and I stared at him in confusion. He seemed kinda… stressed. But I couldn’t imagine why.

He jumped when I came out and looked to his brother. “Sans, you must teleport us right away!” Papyrus commanded.

Sans raised a brow. “Uh, no.”

“But _Saaaaans_!”

“Teleporting all three of us would be so much work,” he complained. “Let’s walk to New Snowdin and—“

“Sans _pleeeeeeease_!” Papyrus cut in.

“No,” Sans snapped.

Papyrus pouted, sitting on the ground. “Nyoo hoo _hoo_ …” he mumbled. “Sans hates me!” Papyrus wailed. “Riley, tell him to stop being mean to me!”

I just gaped at him. I was definitely missing something. Papyrus didn’t usually get this upset unless it was about that three year old dirty sock in the living room covered in sticky notes.

I looked over to Sans with an exasperated expression. “Make him stop crying,” I said.

After a moment, Sans looked at his brother and heaved a deep sigh. “Fine. _Fine_. But we aint making a habit of this.”

Papyrus jumped up again and hugged Sans, orange tears still resting in the corners of his eyes. “You are the second greatest brother in the world—second only to The Great Papyrus!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sans grumbled, and within a minute, we were outside MTT Resort.

Sans blinked a couple times tiredly, steadying himself on my shoulder (trying to be sly by elbowing me playfully in the same movement, but I didn’t buy it for a second).

“You okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, I told you. Teleporting more than one person at a time makes me tired.” I felt bad for having made him do it at all now. “You mind if you two go meet him and I just stay here?” Sans asked, sitting down heavily on the bench we’d appeared next to. “He won’t like that I’m dressed like this anyway.”

I was about to argue, because I didn’t want Papyrus to start crying because Sans wouldn’t come with us, but to my surprise, Papyrus said, “Yes, okay, brother, stay here. But Riley, we need to go!”

I looked at him with narrowed eyes. I’d never seen Papyrus this eager to do anything ever—which wasn’t to say that Papyrus wasn’t prone to unnecessary excitement over things, because he was, but he was bouncing where he stood and not even really smiling. He looked kind of nervous, to be honest, but I had to be misreading it. Papyrus _nervous_? No way.

But still, I didn’t want him to combust, so I said, “Alright, Paps, lead the way.” I looked over to Sans and smiled and he returned it.

Apparently since the last time I was outside MTT Resort, they had completed construction of the restaurant portion and had opened it to the public. So Papyrus and I started towards the grand double doors and Paps was jumpy as all hell.

Before we walked inside, I stopped him and turned him to me. “Papyrus. Seriously, what’s going on?”

“I just don’t want to keep him waiting!” Papyrus said, and he pressed through the doors. I had no choice but to follow at that point.

The place was so posh that I wished I had dressed a little better. Not that I cared a lot if people judged me, but I ended up throwing on a Green Day shirt—which was pretty much not appropriate for a restaurant like this, with its sparkling chandelier and red velvet chairs and white collar waiters.

“Oh, Papyrus darling, I’ve been waiting for _ages_!”

The voice managed to sound like a melodramatic actor and a GPS navigator at the same time, which made me sure that Mettaton was somewhere behind us—because even without the implications of the sentence itself, I’d never heard of another Monster that was a robot.

I turned around to greet the newcomer and found the words dying in my throat.

See, when I’d seen Papyrus the first time—not to mention when I met him and the first thing he did was try to break my ribs in joy—he was definitely physically imposing and I noticed. He was seven feet tall—and a skeleton at that. It was a little difficult not to notice.

But Mettaton was something else entirely.

He wasn’t too much larger, but he was, in fact, at least a head taller than Papyrus. He also had chrome arms, a big heart on his belt, and six inch hot pink boots (which in hindsight explained his height, but at the time I wasn’t really thinking about it).

Papyrus, even at the very beginning, had been too obviously sweet to be very scary. Even Sans, whom gave me the jeebies the first time I ever saw him, proved himself innocent enough in the same breath.

But Mettaton, even with his wide grin, was intimidating as all hell. He radiated confidence and looked down on me like I was something adorably quaint—it made me feel defensive before he’d said a word to me.

“And you, my dear, must be Riley!” Mettaton crooned.

“Uh yeah. Hi.”

He looked me up and down with his lips pursed. “Did you take your clothes from Sans’ closet?”

Without meaning to, I bristled up against the mostly innocent comment. “Sans wished he looked this good in his grunge,” I said, crossing my arms.

Mettaton looked surprised, but after a moment he laughed—a laugh that wasn’t patronizing, but genuinely entertained. “Oh, a fiery one just like me! I like it! I guess you have a type after all, gorgeous!”

The last part, to my surprise and slight confusion, was aimed towards Papyrus. I’d kind of forgotten about him since I looked at Mettaton, so I glanced up at him and found the skeleton entirely shell shocked. In fact, for the first time ever, I saw his cheeks go orange with a blush.

Everything clicked together. Papyrus’ rush to get over here, his anxiety, and even the way Mettaton was talking to him—

Papyrus had a thing for Mettaton!

It seemed impossible. In my head he was an aromantic asexual creature that had never and would never have any relations that weren’t platonic. But this was a grade school crush if I had ever seen one—and if I wasn’t mistaken, Mettaton either returned the attraction or was a complete tease.

Either option seemed entirely plausible.

Papyrus rushed to answer. “Oh no, the human and I are not involved! She is a very good friend. If I started dating, there wouldn’t be enough of me to go around!”

I bit my tongue to keep from snorting.

Mettaton smirked. “Oh, honey, there’s _plenty_ of you. I’m sure we could all share.” He winked and Papyrus blushed harder and I really just wanted an airplane to come through the building and crush me because WHAT THE FUCK WAS HAPPENING.

Just then, my phone vibrated.

_sans 8D (6:14pm): on a scale of one to ten, how uncomfortable are you right now?_

It took me a second of looking at the text with narrowed eyes to realize what was happening.

If teleporting two people made him that tired, he could’ve teleported one of us over, left us there, and then went back to teleport the other a moment later. It was essentially what he had done the night I got attacked—he took me to his place and dealt with Undyne and Alphys after. But he didn’t even think to suggest that, and now he was waiting outside on that bench because he was _oh so tired_ from his taxing journey.

Conclusion: He knew perfectly well that this would be a Papyrus and Mettaton flirt fest and he hadn’t wanted any part of it. Whether or not he was being honest about how tiring teleporting two people was, he was out there on that fucking bench avoiding this WTF-fest and laughing his ass off.

_Riley (6:14pm): Sans you motherfucking asshole I am going to KILL you._

_sans 8D (6:15pm): what you don’t think they’d be FIBULA-ous together?_

_Riley (6:15pm): -_-_

“Riley, darling, put that phone away! We’re going to have such a good time you’re going to forget that beau of yours!”

“Beau?” I said quickly.

“Well you’re texting someone you like, clearly,” he said, fluffing his hair. “It’s obvious, dear.”

I shoved my phone back in my pocket and looked up to Mettaton with a scowl. He looked close to laughing at me and I just wished Sans and I were back at my apartment watching _Bob’s Burgers_ like we’d planned.

“Does the human have a significant other?!” asked Papyrus, grinning like Christmas had come again.

“Oh my god, can we just find a table?” I asked, rubbing my temples.

Mettaton, far from being insulted, was wholly amused by me. “Oh of _course_ , darling. We’ll have such fun.”

He started walking and Papyrus scampered behind him, asking about his most recent video.

Sans didn’t even _know_ the wrath he was going to receive from me for making me go through this alone.

* * *

 

I really did wonder for the first hour and a half why Mettaton even wanted to meet me, since all he did was flirt with Papyrus, brag about himself, and lightheartedly make fun of my clothes and demeanor in a way that made me want to tear my skin off.

But then he got to the point. The point that I should’ve seen coming a mile away.

“So Riley dear, I read that wonderful post you wrote about me.”

I mean, it wasn’t about him. It mentioned him. Kind of in passing, really. That was it.

He didn’t seem to realize that.

“But the thing is, love, that it didn’t really have enough pizazz, you know? I mean this is _me_ we’re talking about! It’s either got to be done fabulously or not at all, right? And I know that glamor isn’t exactly your forte,” he said, glancing at me for a moment, “but I feel like if you and I work together, we can get you up and running right! I was thinking we might do a week-long series about the most interesting thing that came out of the Underground: _me_!”

I stared at him blankly.

“Now, to start—”

I cut him off before he got on a roll. “Uh, no thanks.”

He was still talking for another moment before he registered what I had said and stopped in his tracks, blinking down at me. He flashed me a false smile and said, “What?”

“Sorry, I’m just not really interested,” I told him, trying to make the smile I returned at least a little less fake than his.

He opened his mouth and put his hand on his chest, looking around the room like someone might yell their outrage about how poorly I was treating him. I almost feared that Papyrus would scold me, but he just looked at me with a smile, like he could never wrong me for being honest.

When nobody came to Mettaton’s rescue, he said, “Don’t be hasty, love. I haven’t even pitched the idea yet. And once I do you’ll realize that a little bit of me is exactly what you—”

Nope. I was done. I’d had enough.

I stood up. “It was good to meet you, and I’m genuinely glad that I got you so many new followers, but I don’t let people tell me what to write on my blog. I didn’t get where I am through celebrity endorsements, I got here by writing what I felt was right. And a series all about you isn’t really what I’ve got in mind. So sorry to disappoint, but I’m not doing it.”

“But, darling, I’m only saying it’s all a bit drab and it could use a little—”

I wasn’t having it. “If you want to give an honest contribution about Underground society, then I’m all ears, but I’m not writing your exposé on my blog. That’s all I’m going to say about it, so unless you have something constructive for me off the top of that fabulous head of yours, I’m gonna go home.”

He just stared at me, dumbfounded.

“Nothing to say? Alright then.” I flattened down my shirt. “By the way,” I added, “my clothes fucking rock. So suck it.”

And so as the two of them looked at me like I had either gone insane or was about to explode or both, since even Papyrus disapproved of how rude I was being, I made my leave.

I was rolling my eyes and grunting to myself as I thrust the double doors open.

Sans was lying on the bench, staring at the sky, but he looked over the moment I came outside, looking entertained.

“You look happy,” he told me.

I scowled at him, remembering my frustration with him. “Sans, I seriously—”

Whatever I was going to say fluttered from my mind as I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I whipped around and saw the back of a very familiar head as a tall figure whipped around a corner, into an alleyway.

“Alex?” I asked breathlessly, running in the direction I had seen her. “Alex, please, can we just talk—”

I got to the corner, expecting to see her at the very least running down the other end of it, but the alley was silent. The water that always puddled in it was completely still, indicating that nobody had just sprinted through it at all.

But…

I stared down the alley, waiting for her to jump out of the dumpster and tell me it was all a joke, but she didn’t. Nobody did.

“Riley?” asked Sans gently from behind me. I hadn’t heard him approach, but I was too focused on looking down the alley to even jump in surprise.

When I didn’t reply, he slipped his fingers into mine and squeezed them, which brought me back to reality.

“I really swore I just saw her.”

“It coulda been anyone,” he responded, still with that stupid voice like I was a child that needed to be protected from my own insanity.

“How many Monsters look like a six foot black chick in a flannel shirt?” I asked dubiously. I looked over to him like I might be able to gauge a reaction—in vain, of course. After a moment, I sighed. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just… really tense right now.”

“Things with Papyton didn’t go as well as you hoped?” he asked with a smirk.

I glared and he laughed and all was normal once more, even if I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d just seen Alex disappear down that alley.

And the weirdest part?

I recognized the flannel she was in. It was green, white, and yellow plaid. I bought it for her, actually, because she claimed she didn’t own any green one year on St. Patrick’s Day.

But when I looked at her for just that second, it looked like a good half of it was stained brown.

I really was going crazy, because that made no sense.

But I still couldn’t shake the feeling that I had not only seen her, but that her shirt had been covered in blood.


	31. Dust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning on end note.

Sans and I walked hand and hand through the snowy streets. It was just late and cold enough that there were hardly any people walking around and I preferred it that way.

We were heading for the Italian place that me and Papyrus usually went to, which meant we had to walk past New Waterfall and through New Hotland to get there. Sans didn’t complain at the physical activity—we just chatted. He even told some stories about he and Papyrus back in the Underground—ever since he told me about the time anomaly, it felt like the last wall between us had crumbled down and nothing was off limits anymore.

I was almost tempted to go a little out of my way just to walk through New Waterfall. Most of the houses there were painted a nice color of blue and the little Slum looked like a winter wonderland when there was a dusting of snow on the rooves. But I didn’t want to make Sans walk any more than we had to, considering walking for an hour wasn’t exactly his favorite activity in the first place.

Sans had been telling me stories of when his laziness almost made Papyrus cry out of frustration.

“And then,” Sans was saying, “I kinda just passed out.”

The nature of the stories meant I had been laughing for a good five minutes straight. My face was starting to hurt. “Passed out? From getting off a couch?”

“Just for a second. See, I hadn’t gotten up in days,” Sans explained. “I got pretty dizzy.”

“You’re ridiculous!”

“Well, what can I say, I’m…”

Both of our steps had slowed to a stop at the same time.

We’d walked into New Hotland just a minute before and it took us this long to notice that something was… off.

We hadn’t passed many people during any part of our walk because of the snow, but Monster Slums always had just a little activity. Ordinarily, the stands were open regardless of bad weather and the Monsters were social enough that there were always some standing around chatting.

But the streets were empty.

Sans and I looked at each other and then took some steps forward, our hands falling apart so we could go different directions. Sans peeked in a window with open curtains and I knocked on the door of the MTT-Brand Burger Emporium. Burgerpants had a habit of being around pretty constantly out of a (possibly irrational) fear of losing his job.

But nobody came.

“Sans, what’s going—”

I stopped talking when I turned and saw that the lights in Sans’ eyes had gone out.

“Sans?” I asked, walking up to him and placing a delicate hand on his shoulder.

He just kept looking ahead, so I turned to look where he was.

And then I saw it too. 

In the rest of Ebott, the roads had been shoveled, but in the Monster Slums nobody bothered since nobody drove. The sidewalks and the street alike were coated in snow, which was why we didn’t notice at first.

Snow wasn’t the only white powder on the ground.

“Sans?” I said again, fear filtering into my voice.

Sans just started walking again, his mouth set in a hard, toothless line. I followed after him, looking around at the dust on the ground with a heaviness in my chest and a burning in my eyes.

Dust meant dead Monsters.

And this much of it meant there were a _lot_ of them.

He and I kept walking and I knocked on doors to see if anyone would answer.

Sans didn’t bother.

Then we turned a corner and I sucked in a gasp.

If we had walked into New Hotland on this side of the Slums, we wouldn’t have taken so long to realize something was very, very wrong.

Half the street was destroyed. Stands were tipped over, houses were half caved in—

But mostly, it was the spears.

There were glowing blue spears everywhere. Sticking out of the bricks of Number 1 and Number 2’s apartment. Impaling the frozen sidewalk. Lying in piles, hanging halfway off rooves. There had to be a hundred of them.

“Someone stabbed everyone to death?” I asked breathlessly.

“No,” Sans said, his voice hard and unfamiliar. “Those are Undyne’s spears. She was trying to protect everyone.”

I tried to imagine someone being able to withstand having this many spears thrown at them. My first thought had been that some random punks that hated Monsters had come through, but fighting Undyne when she was ready for you seemed like something your average frat boy wouldn’t survive. 

“But then… where is she?” I asked, my voice shaking.

Sans kept walking without answering me and ended up at the door of her and Alphys’ apartment. It had a spear sticking out of it, the point an inch from my face if I stood close enough to get to the handle. The door was hanging just slightly open, the locking mechanism wrecked somehow. Sans pushed it open with a squeak.

“Stay behind me,” Sans said.

It hadn’t occurred to me until Sans said it that whoever had done this might still be here. In fact, they probably were. Undyne had probably brought the fight inside somehow.

But then why was it so quiet?

Maybe she’d already won and she was trying to comfort Alphys. That would make sense.

The lights were off in the apartment, so I reached to the side to flip the switch—which I knew the location of even in the dark after being there enough times—but nothing happened.

The room suddenly filled with light and I looked over to Sans, who now had a cyan orb of light floating in his hand. It lit his face from beneath eerily, making his empty eyes and unsmiling mouth just a little intimidating.

Then I looked around the room.

More spears. Skewering the couch, piercing through the grand piano, gouging into the countertop. The lights hadn’t turned on because one of them had destroyed the lamp.

But in here, there was something else: blood. Droplets and puddles of it made several trails through the room.

“A human had to have done this,” I said immediately.

“I already figured as much,” Sans rumbled, starting to walk again.

“But that’s a lot of blood,” I said hopefully. “Maybe they died.”

Sans only grunted.

I tried to put my hand in Sans’, but either on accident or not he shoved the one without the light into his pocket and I started wrenching my hands together in front of me just for something to do with my fingers.

We went into Undyne and Alphys’ ruined bedroom and Sans walked over to the bookshelf, searching around for a book.

“What are you doing?” I whispered, unable to speak any louder.

He found the right book and shoved at it. The bookcase opened to show a thin staircase.  “Disaster shelter,” Sans explained. “Undyne had Alphys build it for somewhere to hide, just in case something bad happened. She always was paranoid.”

I didn’t like that Sans was talking about her in the past tense like that. We didn’t know for sure anything at all had happened to either of them. If there was a disaster shelter, they were probably both in it, waiting for a sign that it was safe to come out.

Sans started down the steps.

It wasn’t long before his light reached the bottom of the stairwell, and I was able to see what was down there.

My legs gave out beneath me and I fell with a hard thump on the steps.

There was a pile of ashes at the base of the stairs with an eye patch lying in it.

I covered my mouth and tried to breathe.

Who in _hell_ could’ve done this?

Behind the pile I was trying not to look at was a metal door. It looked like it had gotten slashed at a couple times with something really sharp, but it was still firmly closed.

I stood up quickly, nearly stumbling. “Alphy’s still in there,” I said, jogging down the steps and avoiding the pile on the ground.

“Maybe,” he said quietly.

“What do you mean maybe?” I snapped. “The door’s still shut. The murderer didn’t get in, which means Alphys is still in there! Do you know where the key is?”

I hated this expression now, because before it had seemed mournful but now it seemed apathetic. A corpse was at our feet and Sans was staring at me with blank eyes.

“Sans!” I said, trying to get his attention. “Do you know where a key is?”

After a moment, he said, “Don’t need one. Go to the top of the stairs and close your eyes.”

My brow furrowed. “Close my—”

“I need to blast the door open and I don’t wanna blind you so just do what I say.”

I didn’t know what he meant about blasting anything, but the sound of his voice made me decide that I shouldn’t question him any further. I went up the stairs and shut my eyes, covering them with my hands and turning around for good measure.

After a moment there was a loud noise—the closest thing I could equate it to would be a big laser gun in a sci fi movie. Even through my fingers I saw the bright white light that emanated from the blast.

“You’re good,” Sans said, and I turned around to see that a sizable hole was smoldering where the lock used to be. Sans was able to push the door open with one hand.

I went back down the stairs, holding my breath as I passed the sickening pile as if I might breathe in some of the remains by accident.

There was another set of stairs past the door, and at the bottom it was clear that the lights were still working, so Sans squeezed his fist to extinguish the light in his hand, shoving it into his pocket.

He was the one that didn’t want to move this time, but we had to go down there and find Alphys, so I ran down the steps.

“Alphy, it’s us!” I yelled as I went down the steps. “You’re safe!”

I got to the bottom and looked around in confusion.

The area had the layout of a small lab, small enough that there wasn’t really anywhere for someone to hide.

But I didn’t see Alphys.

Where the hell was she?

I walked deeper into the room, hoping she was cowering behind something, too scared to come out.

“It’s Riley and Sans,” I said for good measure, hoping to lure her out of hiding.

Then I got behind the table and I felt like I got the air punched out of my lungs. 

“No,” I whispered, not consciously realizing I was saying it aloud.

There was another pile of dust on the ground, accompanied by a letter opener.

I looked over to Sans, feeling my first tear streak down my face as he looked at me with that same goddamn empty expression. “You knew,” I said, my voice harsh.

“I’ve seen Undyne die before,” Sans said. “Alphys’ reaction never changes.”

I looked down to the pile and my blood boiled with hate. “Who the fuck did this?” I hissed, looking up at Sans. “Who would do something like this?” I demanded more loudly. “Why? Under what circumstance does Alphys deserve to be driven to this?” I was nearly screaming by then.

He just stared at me with those eyes. His mouth quivered for just a moment.

And only then did it occur to me that the face I was mistaking for apathy was him trying desperately to hold on to whatever composure he had.

My rage, as righteous as it was, wasn’t helping anything. I swallowed down my fears and harshly swatted the tear from my cheek. No point asking the question if I wasn’t going to look for an answer. I wasn’t going to stand there like a witless lump like I had in the alley a few months back—I was going to do something.

I marched back in the direction of the door. I brushed my hand against his arm, just so he knew my infuriated expression wasn’t for him, and trudged up the steps again. I got out my phone and turned the flashlight on as I went up the steps and looked around for more of the blood. It would make a trail to where the killer was, wouldn’t it?

It went up the steps and back out into the front room, following the blood trail to every place the killer had walked. I ended up in a corner, where I found a crumpled-up food wrapper.

Monster food. They’d used it to heal themselves.

So this was done by a human that knew about Monster food? This made less sense by the second. Lots of humans hated Monsters, but only because they didn’t know any. Once you got to know one, you couldn’t hate them anymore—my mother being an example. But if this person knew about the healing properties of Monster food, they had to know about Monsters pretty intimately.

But who could learn about the kindness of Monsters and still bring themselves to kill even one?

I was baffling over this when I noticed another piece of paper on the ground next to the wrapper. It was a wrinkled piece of binder paper with a short message written on it in Sharpie.

I picked it up and stared at it.

_Sans,_

_Come and get me._

_Chara_

I didn’t know what it meant, but what it said wasn’t what mattered to me in that moment.

I felt it when Sans appeared by my side.

“I figured as much,” Sans murmured. “It was only a matter of time before someone let Chara out again.”

I didn’t understand. This wasn’t possible.

“But…” I muttered. “This…”

Sans was standing in front of me again—his pupils were back, tiny but definitely there, as he looked at me in as close to concern as nearly-catatonic-Sans seemed capable.  

“Ri, I know this is a lot to take in—”

“Sans,” I said, holding up the note, “this is Alex’s handwriting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicide.


	32. Kittens

Sans’ eyes moved from the note I was sure was written by Alex to my face as his pupils went huge. “Are you sure?” he asked.

“I’d know it anywhere.”

Sans seemed to deflate at the surety in my voice and his eyes shut. When they opened, his eyes had gone dark once more. His mouth, which before had been downturned in some sort of scowl, was a straight, emotionless line.

“Sans, you have to tell me what’s going on. I don’t understand any of this. Alex would never do something like this, and her name sure as hell isn’t Chara.”

He took a deep breath and let it out. Then he started to speak, his voice slow and deliberate. “Remember when I told you about the kid in the cowboy hat? How he had a _thing_ inside him?”

I stopped breathing as I realized what he had to have meant.

But he still had to make it clear. “That thing had a name.”

I covered my mouth again. When I’d seen Alex and I’d thought she had blood on her shirt… I wasn’t imagining it.

Because this Chara character was inside her, killing again.

“But how?” I asked. “How did this happen?”

“It had to have been when she went into the Underground. Either Alex was full of some sort of bloodlust or rage that Chara was able to latch onto or she touched something she shouldn’t have,” Sans said, irritation I didn’t understand in his voice.

“Touch something? Why would she…”

I stopped.

_The soul. She’s not what she used to be._

**_Don’t let her out._ **

The flower had even warned us.

But I hadn’t listened.

Oh _god_.

“Riley?” Sans asked me. “What is it?”

I was shaking my head. Oh god oh god oh _god_.

“Riley!” Sans said loudly, trying to get my attention.

I looked to him. “You’re right. She touched something,” I said quietly. “I… We…” I licked my lips and felt my hands start to tremble. “I dared her to do it.”

He sighed and I watched disappointment in me flood into his face and I finally couldn’t hold it back—I choked out a single sob that I couldn’t bite down.

“Oh god, Sans, this is my fault.”

“We don’t have time for the blame game right now,” he said, his voice terse. “I—” He stopped talking, one of his eyes flashing blue for a second. “Papyrus,” he breathed, immediately pulling out his phone.

I didn’t understand what he meant at first, but then I realized—if last time was any indication, Chara wanted to kill _all_ Monsters. And we’d left New Snowdin more than an hour ago.

Oh my god.

Sans had the phone to his face and I stood next to him. It rang once.

Papyrus always picked up on the first ring.

It rang twice.

Oh fucking god what have I done?

It rang three times.

I felt like my organs had all gone on vacation.

It rang four times.

Not Papyrus. I would never—

“Brother, even a lazybones like you must know I’m not supposed to speak on the phone at work!”

Since I was leaning against Sans’ shoulder to listen in, I felt it when his legs gave out beneath him and I was able to catch him. His phone, however, I didn’t catch. It didn’t drop on a corner, so it didn’t crack. I picked it up and handed it to Sans, who had tears pooling in the corners of his eyes.

“Papyrus,” Sans said, his voice hoarse with worry. “You said you’re at work?”

There was a short pause. “Sans, what’s wrong? Have you had a nightmare?”

“I wish,” he breathed before saying, “Paps, something’s gone wrong. I need to pick you up _right_ _now_.”

“But—”Papyrus began to argue.

“Paps. Please trust me.”

“I do,” Papyrus said, and something about the immediate response made my eyes burn.

“Good. I’m gonna be there in just a second.”

Sans took my hand and we flashed away, appearing immediately outside the pet shop I’d been meaning to visit for months now.

We walked inside and found that the small shop had no customers at the moment, but Papyrus the Pet Shop Guy was in the front. He was in a green polo with a paw print on it and khaki cargo shorts—in fact, he looked downright normal compared to usual. He still wore his orange scarf around his neck, the one that Sans made him that he refused to ever take off.

But the most distinguishable thing about him at the moment was that he was currently covered in about twelve kittens.

There was one on his head, one toying with his scarf, one kneading his femur. One was balancing on his shoulder, one was nibbling on the toe of his shoe.

He had one, the smallest one, in his hand. He was scratching it between the ears with one finger.

I could now see why it’d taken Papyrus a couple rings to answer the phone.

Even considering that the whole world was falling apart, I had to take a moment to appreciate this sight. I’d heard that he’d gotten the job despite being a Monster because he had a way with the animals, but I’d never imagined he had charmed them _this_ much.

“They must play occasionally,” Papyrus explained. “It would be very dull to be stuck in a cage all day, so I, The Great Papyrus, relieve them of their boredom. I am basically their superhero, you see.”

In that moment I was so glad that he was okay that I walked over—careful not to disturb the kittens—and wrapped my arms around his neck from behind. “You _are_ a superhero, Paps.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Papyrus said, his tone haughty, and I squeezed him tighter.

“I’m sorry bro,” Sans cut in. “We’ve got to go.”

“I must tell my boss—”

“There’s no time,” Sans cut in.

“I could get _fired_ , brother.”

“And if we don’t go you could _die_ ,” Sans countered.

This made Papyrus listen. He stood and started putting the kittens back in their cages. I helped as Sans impatiently waited for us to finish.

When we did, he said, “I need to teleport you guys, but I can’t do you both at once.”

“Take him first,” I said immediately.

Sans looked to me with a smile, that look in his eyes like when he kissed me for the first time for complimenting Papyrus. “Thank you. Be back in a flash.”

Then he took Papyrus by the hand and they vanished.

I spent the ten seconds he was gone contemplating nothing at all, as not to work myself into the panic I’d been wanting to go into for a while now.

He appeared again and took my hand.

When we reappeared, I found that we were in a classroom.

“We’re on campus?” I asked.

“Chara wouldn’t try to look for you guys here,” Sans explained. “Especially not in the Business building, since none of us take classes in here.”

I nodded in approval. His logic made sense.

“Had I not destroyed that door in New Hotland, I could’ve locked you guys in there,” he added timidly. Part of me was glad to see him acting almost like himself again with the slight blue tinge to his cheeks.

“I wouldn’t have wanted to be in there anyway, safe or not,” I responded.

He nodded in understanding, but said nothing.

“Wait,” I said, only just catching up with what was happening. “Lock _us_ in there? What about you?”

Sans looked behind me, to Papyrus—who was fiddling with his phone.

“Hey, bro,” Sans said gently. “I need you to stay here. Riley and I are gonna go and talk for a minute, but we’ll be right outside.”

“I want you to tell me what is happening,” Papyrus said, his voice serious.

“I can’t right now,” Sans said. “I’m sorry, I really can’t. Maybe Ri can in a minute though. Just wait here.”

Papyrus looked unhappy, but didn’t say anything else.

Then Sans led me outside the room, into an empty hallway.

“What are you planning?” I asked him.

“You saw the note. I have to go meet Chara.”

“Meet her?” I asked. “Meet her where? She didn’t even say.”

“We’ve only met in person one place before. She wants me to go back.”

“And what are you gonna do when you get there, have a fucking tea party?”

He rolled his eyes. “You know what, Riley.”

“You’re gonna fight her? What’s the point? If you win, she’ll just reset.”

“I know,” Sans said. “This isn’t my first rodeo, remember?” The sentence, as casual as it was, gave me chills. “I hope that if I annoy her enough, she’ll stop trying,” he explained.

I stared at him. “That’s your plan. To fight someone who’s trying to kill _everyone_ until you annoy them into giving up.”

“I don’t really have any other options, do I?” asked Sans in frustration. My heart constricted as I realized what he was really saying: _You haven’t really given me any other options, have you?_

I did this.

I was a stupid child and I caused this.

And now Sans was going to go fight Chara…

Who was in Alex’s body.

The implications of that only hit me in that moment.

Either Sans was going to get killed by Chara…

Or Alex was going to get killed by Sans.

Either way, I was losing one of the most important people in my life. Either way, hundreds of Monsters had already died. Either way, there was no repenting for this much sin. I could feel it all crawling on my back and there was nothing I could do but live with it, no way save them, no way to undo all this bad I had done—

And then, as I thought that, something appeared right in front of my eyes. I blinked in confusion as I looked at it. It was too close to focus on, so I backed up a step.

It was a word.

RESET

I stared at it with my mouth open.

From what Sans had told me about them, I thought resets only happened when you died, but there it was in front of me. Could I reset _now_?

A reset would go back to when I first went into the Underground.

All of this could go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be June 28th. See you then!


	33. Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, I'm baaaack! Sorry for the wait, but here is the next chapter, fifteen minutes after midnight my time! Happy reading...

“Sans,” I said breathlessly. “You don’t need to fight her. Nobody needs to die.”

I looked up to him and saw that he was looking at me with huge pupils. I could tell that he knew what I was looking at. “The button’s there?” he asked gruffly.

“Yeah.” I licked my lips and stared at it longingly.

“Riley, don’t you dare.”

I looked back up at him in confusion. “Seriously? You’re even against resets when _this_ much bad shit has happened?” His eyes had gone dark again, his teeth clenched into a grimace. “Come on, it’ll only go back a couple months,” I told him. “We’ll barely have to relive anything. Halloween, Christmas. We’ll do everything the same.”

He sucked in a huge breath and shook his head. After a moment his hand flashed out and he hit the wall. For barely a second, there was a flash of blue in one of his eyes and steam of the same color rose from the place where he’d punched the stucco. “Damn you humans! You never stop trying to play God!”

“It may seem wrong,” I said, “but if Frisk hadn’t played God, you’d still be in the Underground.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” he said, irritation flooding his voice, “and if all of humanity hadn’t played God, we wouldn’t have ended up down there in the first place! Fucking humans, I swear!”

I stared at him, unable to push back the hurt I felt at his rage.

“If you hate humans so much, then why are you even with me?”

I’d said something similar once before and he immediately began to backtrack, realizing he was being unfair.

Some part of me thought the same thing might happen again.

Instead he said, “Because I thought you were different.”

The words were a sock to the gut, knocking the air out of me. I turned around, looking down the vacant hallway. “You love Frisk, and they reset.”

“Frisk was a little kid. They didn’t know any better. But you’re an adult. I expected more from you.”

I looked back over to him in frustration. This calm logic thing clearly wasn’t working, so my emotions were starting to take over. “Sans, what do you expect me to do? Alex is my best friend! The only way to stop Chara, from what you’ve said, is to run Alex down until she stops resetting, which means she’ll be dead. And you aren’t even sure that’s possible, which means eventually, she’ll kill you! All of New Hotland is already gone. I can save all those people! You really don’t understand why that’s tempting?”

“Of course I do!” he snapped. “That’s not the point!”

“Then what _is_ the point?”

He sighed heavily, rubbing his eye sockets tiredly. “The _point_ is that everything you do stops meaning anything if you can just undo it all at any time. The _point_ is that you can’t let this become what your life is. I mean, are you gonna do this for the rest of your life? Just reset every time there’s a problem?”

I let out a humorless laugh. “A problem where hundreds of people have died because of my mistake? I like to think this is the one and only time I’ll be that stupid!”

He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms and refusing to look at me. “Eventually Chara will get out again. And then you’ll just want to reset again, over and over.”

“Not if we cause a cave in,” I said immediately, as if the idea had already been simmering in the back of my mind. “We’ll go to the entrance and close it up. Then nobody can ever go down there again. Chara will be stuck and everyone will live! Everyone wins!”

Sans finally looked back over to me, his pupils gone again. He was so furious he had no words left for me.

My eyes were burning again, but I refused to cry. Not now when I was so close to fixing everything. I just had to show Sans he was being stupid—reliving things couldn’t be as bad as having our friends be dead.

Eventually, Sans spoke. “If you reset, I will never forgive you.”

It didn’t hit me like a bus so much as settle in me, taking nest like an illness in my heart. I’d kind of known it was coming, and it was honestly fair—I couldn’t do what I had done with no form of punishment. I could let everyone live, but I would lose Sans in the process.

Fair was fair.

“Then I’ll remember the times we’ve had together and smile,” I said steadily.

“Riley—” Sans said pleadingly.

“Letting our friends stay dead just so I can keep you is the most selfish thing I’ve ever heard of,” I said quietly.

He let out a harsh, mirthless laugh. “Really, cuz fucking with entire timelines to fix your own fuck ups is the most selfish thing _I’ve_ ever heard of!”

It was the first time he had really said that this was my fault and it made me want to cry even more than before. I bit the inside of my cheek until I tasted blood and it distracted me from the burning in my eyes.

Still, when I spoke, my voice was shaky. “I don’t want to hurt you, Sans, but—”

“Riley, you promised.”

The sentence was quiet and broken, but I heard it.

Still, I blankly said, “What?”

“You promised you’d never reset. You _promised_ me.”

His glowing pupils regarded me with something even worse in that moment than acceptance—he looked at me with hope, like he truly believed I would do the right thing.

Because in his eyes, he was telling me not to do something that was blatantly wrong. I had promised him I would never do something that would hurt him so deeply and I was throwing that promise back in his face with a fat dose of ‘fuck you’ as I tried to convince him that the pain he had felt for so long wasn’t as bad as he thought it was. I was going to make him relive the one and only reason for all of his hopelessness.

I’d promised him I wouldn’t add to his heartache and here I stood, telling him that I didn’t give a shit about how he felt, that I was going to undo my mistake and let him fade into the background.

“If I don’t reset, then what am I supposed to do?” I asked him, my voice quivering as my emotions quickly started to get away from me.

“You have to live with your mistakes,” Sans said steadily.

“But so does everyone else,” I said, swallowing a sob.

“That’s life, kid. It sucks, but it’s how it is.”

I thought of everyone else having to live—or _not_ live—through this big of a mistake and I officially lost it. The floodgates opened and I sat on the ground heavily, putting my face into my hands, and started to sob. I knew that when I finally had the strength to get up, Sans would already be gone.

But then there was a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw that Sans was kneeling in front of me, his eyes holding true emotion for the first time since all this started. “Riley, it’s okay,” he told me, his voice a little weak as he said words he didn’t believe. “Everyone makes mistakes.”

I laughed incredulously, but it sounded more like another sob. “You’re gonna give me that shit right now?”

He almost smiled. “I mean… this is bad. Real bad. But Paps is okay, and you and I are okay. And I’m gonna run Chara down and then the three of us, we’ll survive. Together.”

I put my hand on his face and he closed his eyes, leaning into my touch.

“I don’t understand how that’s better than a reset,” I said to him quietly.

He opened his eyes and this time he didn’t look angry anymore. He sighed, seeming tired suddenly. “You haven’t gone through a reset, Riley. You don’t know what it’s like. I can’t—I can’t do it again. Being the only one that knows—”

“You wouldn’t be the only one that knew. We’d both know, and we’d get through it together.”

He didn’t say a word, and I saw in his eyes what the silence meant.

_You promised._

“Sans, I’m scared.”

“Me too,” he admitted gruffly.

“I don’t think you should have to fight her,” I said.

“Nobody else stands a chance.”

I found myself frustrated at my own uselessness. Why was I a damsel in distress that needed a skeletal prince to come save me? Why did Sans have to repent for my fuck up?

I wasn’t paying attention, so I didn’t notice that he was going to kiss me until he did. He was cold, already full of his mission, but the kiss itself felt soft and sincere. “It’s gonna be okay, Rye Bread. Last time I fought her, I had nothing else to live for. This time, I’ve not only got Papyrus, but I’ve got you too. There’s no way I could lose.”

It almost seemed like he believed it and I had to try not to think about what defeating Chara meant. She was using Alex as a meat suit, that was it. Alex wasn’t in there anymore. She was a casualty I had already lost.

“I need you to take care of Paps, okay?” Sans said gently. “He’s going to be really confused and he’s gonna get scared. I don’t think you should tell him what’s happening yet. I don’t want him to think I’m in danger.”

“But you are,” I immediately said.

He was grinning again. “Like I said. Can’t lose with you two to come back to, now can I?”

I looked into his eyes and somehow I found it in me to smile. “I love you.”

He looked a little surprised, since I’d never said that to him before, but then his smile became more genuine. “I love every bone in your body,” he told me quietly and I gave him a watery smile as he leaned forward to give me another kiss—he was warmer this time.

“You better come back to me,” I scolded.

He winked. “You wish you could get **rib** of me that easy.”

I took that moment to appreciate that so many months ago, I had stood outside of Grillby’s wondering if Sans ever ran out of puns. And now, for the first time, I was hearing a repeat.

It felt like some sort of accomplishment. “You’re reusing puns,” I berated teasingly.

“Everyone’s a critic.” He pressed a quick kiss to my head and then he was gone.


	34. Help

Smiling wasn’t so easy once Sans was gone again, but I couldn’t allow myself to sit out there and pity myself. Not resetting meant living with what I had done, which started with Papyrus, who was in the other room, completely in the dark and probably frightened.

I forced my million pound limbs to stand and walked into the classroom.

Papyrus looked up and his eyes got huge. “Riley! What has happened?”

For a moment I wondered what had given me away before I remembered that I had cried my makeup halfway off my face. Shit. I rubbed under my eyes halfheartedly, knowing there wasn’t much I could do without a mirror.

“Don’t worry about me, Paps. Things are just… a little hard right now.”

He looked at me wordlessly and I saw that wisdom in his eyes, the evidence that he had lived so much longer and known so much more than I had. Sans hid things from Papyrus because he was a generally secretive person who hid things from everyone. He was asking me to hide the truth of what was happening from Papyrus out of that same spirit.

But I couldn’t patronize Papyrus like that.

“There’s someone that doesn’t like Monsters on the loose right now,” I said. “We’re here because we don’t think she’ll find us here.”

“And where is Sans hiding?” Papyrus asked. There was no doubt in his voice—he knew his brother must just be somewhere else, also hiding.

I rubbed the back of my neck and ended up saying, “He didn’t tell me where.” Technically true—Sans hadn’t told me where he was, just implied that he was somewhere in the Underground.

“Probably somewhere very smart,” Papyrus said. “Sans doesn’t act like it, but he’s almost as smart as me.”

I gave Papyrus a smile. “He wishes.”

Papyrus cackled quietly, but it died out quickly.

Then I walked over to where he was sitting on top of a desk and sat next to him. “For now, we just wait.”

“I hope we don’t have to wait too long,” Papyrus said. “I, The Great Papyrus, might not be enough to entertain you forever.”

“I don’t think we’ll get bored,” I told him.

* * *

 

I don’t know how long it took before I got restless. Not because I was bored, as Papyrus had feared, but because I couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to do something. Sans was off fighting my battle for me and it made me sick to think about.

I’d started pacing. Papyrus didn’t like it—he’d gotten really quiet and I knew he was worried. Part of me wanted to comfort him but I couldn’t bring myself to. Words of condolence felt like lies in my head. There was no bright side to capitalize on.

There was an answer on the tip of my tongue. An answer just out of my reach that meant both Sans and Alex lived.

I mean, what happened last time Chara took someone over? She killed everyone, she got to Sans, Sans told the kid with the cowboy hat to give up…

And he did.

I stopped in my tracks.

I’d been thinking about the enemy as Chara using Alex’s lifeless body as a puppet. But if the kid in the cowboy hat was able to fight Chara’s influence, then so could Alex.

And who was better to reach the human inside her than me?

I looked over to Papyrus, who was watching me carefully.

“Hey, Paps,” I said. “I need to go do something. You’ve got to stay here. Keep the door locked and if anyone but me or Sans tries to get in, you have to call Sans. I won’t be able to get here fast enough to do anything.”

“Sans told us to stay here,” Papyrus said.

“I know,” I responded. “But Sans is in trouble and I can’t let him be alone right now.”

“Then we should both go see him!” Papyrus said, standing.

“No,” I said immediately. “It’s got to be me. Because I’m human,” I added, feeling like I needed a reason to exclude him.

“But—”

“Papyrus, listen,” I said. “This is really dangerous. Sans can’t lose you. You need to stay safe for his sake.”

“He doesn’t want to lose you either,” Papyrus said timidly.

I smiled. “I know that. But he could never love me the way he loves you. He needs you to be okay. You need to be strong for him.”

After a moment, he nodded. “You have to be strong too.”

“When am I not?” I asked, grinning.

Papyrus looked at me probingly before saying, “You’re a lot like my brother sometimes.”

“I take that as a compliment,” I responded. “Be careful. Don’t take any risks. Call Sans the second you think someone’s here for you.”

He nodded again and I gave him a quick hug. For once, he didn’t have the strength to try to break any of my bones and I wanted to cry again.

When I backed away, he was offering me this smile, one I’d never seen before. Small, quiet, imploring. Open and loving, but sad. Papyrus was so often underestimated when he didn’t deserve it. He understood what was happening here—in fact, if people like Sans and I (or even Chara) were a little more like Papyrus, I think the world would be a better place.

In the end, the fight between Sans and I was a battle of selfishness. Whose self-serving path was the right one? Both of us were too blinded by our own needs to know if the other option was actually the better one. I wondered in that moment what Papyrus would do, because he would always pick the right way, not the most attractive one. But I couldn’t bring myself to ask because I couldn’t bear to see the look on his face if he knew the danger Sans was in, or that Undyne and Alphys were already dead. If I was going to have to deal with that, I was going to put it off as long as possible.

So I ended up saying, “I’ll come back as soon as I can, with Sans and Alex.”

“Alex?” he asked in confusion.

“Yeah, Alex too.”

If I couldn’t undo what I’d done, I’d save Alex.

It was the least I could do.

* * *

 

I stopped by the bathroom to get rid of my makeup before going outside. I needed to take the subway and I was gonna get some weird looks if it was obvious I’d recently been crying.

The whole time I was sitting on the subway, I wanted to strangle someone because I felt like I was going way too slow. I had to remind myself every five seconds that it was significantly faster than walking.

I didn’t bother to change into climbing clothes before going up Mt. Ebott, so I tied my long dress up on one side to get it out of my way. I laughed for half a second at how dumb I looked with my dress like this before I started my climb.

By the time I fell back down into the Underground, my anxiety had started to peak once more. I knew they had to be in the Underground, since he said they were meeting where they fought last time, but I didn’t know where in the Underground they were. It took me a whole day to get through last time and that was when I skipped over Hotland completely.

Sans told me that when he fought her before, he killed her a ton of times. A hundred or maybe more, I couldn’t remember, but that had to take a while, even with Chara resetting all the time. Neither would go down easily. Plus, I’d know in my heart if one of them was dead.

Right?

I couldn’t think like that. Not this close to the end. I just had to believe that this fight would last as long as the last one had and I’d be there before it was too late for either of them.

I knew there was no point in trying to run the entire way, since I didn’t have the stamina, but I started to jog at least.

I’d almost forgotten who I would run into only minutes after falling down there.

I saw the flower and wanted to run around him. I didn’t have time for his shit at the moment.

But then he said, “Oh, so many resets.”

Against my better judgement, I stopped. “Huh?”

The flower had this small smile on his face and in that moment, his eyes looked just like Sans’ did—black holes with little white specs in the center. It made my skin crawl. “He kills your friend over and over and over, and still you run to him!” The flower cackled. “Humans are so stupid! But it doesn’t matter—Chara will find her mark eventually. In fact, a distraction like you might be just the advantage she needs!”

I didn’t consider that showing up might distract Sans long enough to get hurt.

Well I was down here now. I couldn’t get back to the surface without walking to the end and it was more than likely I would run into them.

“Well if I’m such a gift from above,” I said, only saying the pun because I thought Sans would appreciate it, “then tell me where they are.”

He just stared at me for a moment and then grinned. “Do you know how many times we’ve had this same conversation today? How many ways you’ve tried to convince me to tell you where they are, to take you to them, to bring them here? But Chara’s dying left and right and you don’t even remember any of it! You think that an idiot like you can make a difference? Can save that stupid skeleton? You’re worthless and he’s worthless and YOU’LL BOTH JUST DIE AND YOU’LL DIE AND YOU’LL _DIE_!” He threw his head (petals?) back and laughed.

He thought I was there to save Sans. It hadn’t occurred to him that I was there to save Alex, even though we’d apparently already had this conversation a good number of times.

I wasn’t sure if it made a difference, but I liked knowing something that he didn’t.

Out of nowhere, I got an idea. Thinking about living through resets reminded me of Sans.

And I wondered in that moment if Sans and this megalomaniac flower had anything in common.

“Aren’t you tired of having this conversation with me over and over again?” I asked him dryly.

“I’m used to reliving things,” he said in an offhand way, but I didn’t believe him. There was some tension in what he said—he _was_ tired of it.

“I haven’t gotten to the fight yet,” I said. “What if I get there and change things? What if Chara stops resetting and you don’t have to relive this anymore?”

He looked at me with his eyes narrowed and I knew I said something he hadn’t heard before. “Why would I want to help you?”

“You’re not helping me, you’re helping you. The only way for you to stop living the same timeline on repeat is to change the timeline yourself.”

He continued to gaze at me and I got antsy, bouncing lightly on the balls of my feet and wishing he would make up his goddamn mind already. I was kind of on a schedule.

Eventually, he gave me a less than charming grin. “They’re in Asgore’s Castle,” he said after a moment. “When you get to Snowdin, go north, not east.”

I nodded. “Thank you.” I said it without really thinking about it—a knee-jerk courtesy rather than genuine gratitude.

“Don’t thank me,” he said, beaming. “I’m signing your death sentence, fool!”

“Yeah yeah,” I murmured, walking past him. Was it possible to be compensating for not being evil enough? Because he kind of felt like that. If he were human he’d have a mustache that he constantly twirled.

I didn’t know much about the flower, or the fur-faced child inside him, but somehow I felt he was maybe a bit pitiable.

“I can’t wait to watch that rotten skeleton cry over your dead body!”

You know, or maybe not.

I didn’t waste any time. I ran until I got too tired to run, and then I’d jog, and then I’d walk, and then I’d be off running again. It was more of a workout than I’d gotten in a while, to be honest, but I couldn’t afford to slow down. I ignored all the golden lights, which now made me sick to my stomach to look at.

I didn’t know if the flower was leading me off course when he told me to go north in Snowdin, but I figured I couldn’t risk not checking, so I hung a left the first time I ran into one.

And then I saw none other than the Riverperson.

“Hey!” I called out. “What are you doing down here?”

“Tra la la. Care for a ride?”

“Yeah, actually,” I said, jumping on. I’d been told once that the Riverperson ran on water down in the Underground, but it’d never occurred to me that they literally had their own river until I saw them and their wooden steed floating in the water.

“Where will we go today?”

“Hotland.”

“Then we’re off.”

The boat immediately made its way east.

“Grudges are never permanent. Tra la la.”

The message was surprisingly encouraging.

Soon we stopped and I made my way to the elevator. The Riverperson had saved me hours—maybe enough that I could get to Sans and Chara without their fight finishing up.

Once I got to the castle, I had to slow down a bit. I didn’t know where in the castle they were, so I made sure not to miss any rooms. Knowing I was so close filled me with adrenaline, so I didn’t stop to jog as often.

Then, I skidded to a halt as the flower appeared in front of me. “Here you are,” he told me, grinning. “At the end of all things. Chara will crush you. She—”

“Anyone ever stepped on you before?” I asked. “Because I _really_ want to.”

He kept on smiling, not bothered at all.

“You know, if I die, it’ll go back months. So you might not want to bet on it so much.”

He stared at me. “You didn’t make a save point on the way here?”

“Nope. I’m never making one again.”

And I left him to be baffled as I ran past him, into the room where I would find Sans and Chara.

But the question was: what state would I find them in?


	35. Stories

What I found had to be seen to be believed. Truly, if someone told me this was what I would walk in on, I would’ve told them they were insane.

There was Alex—Chara, I reminded myself—in a small cage made of bone. White powder covered her hands, like a gymnast with their chalk, like a tweaker with their blow, but this was so much worse than that. The blood on her shirt and the dust on her fingers were the same—both evidence of what she had become.

What I had made her through my naivety.

But that didn’t matter now. What mattered was that she looked like she’d had the shit kicked out of her for weeks now. Her weapon, a knife, was outside the cage, and she was reaching for it, trying with all her might to squeeze enough of herself (particularly Alex’s giant rack, I realized with a smirk) through her boney prison to get to it. Her fingers were so close, too close.

And where, you might be wondering, was Sans?

Well Sans was only a foot or so away from her cage, still in his dapper suit (which looked undamaged) and sitting with his legs crossed, his head leaning on his hand, his eyes closed, even breath whistling quietly through his teeth.

Yup. Sans—for fuck’s sake—Sans was _asleep_.

In the middle of a death match.

What the flying fuck was wrong with him?

I bolted into action. I started running and Chara heard me. She was momentarily distracted by looking at me in surprise and I took that moment to screech, “SANS! Wake up, you fucking moron!”

He shocked awake just as I got to the knife, kicking it far out of Chara’s reach.

“You fucking fell asleep?” I demanded, pulling him up from the ground. He must not have been asleep for long, because there were still blue beads of sweat on his brow. I was glowering at him and he was just grinning.

“I got tired,” he said.

I shook my head and looked over at Chara.

At Alex.

Then Sans grabbed me and turned me to him. His smile was still there, but his eyes had gone serious. He must’ve waken up just groggy enough that it didn’t immediately occur to him that I wasn’t supposed to be there.

“Riley, why aren’t you with Papyrus?”

“Because I knew you’d fall asleep like a fucking dipshit,” I snapped, too angry with him to even feel ashamed that I had blatantly ignored his request to stay away.

“I admit, that was a good save,” he said, “but you really shouldn’t be here.”

“Well I am. So deal with it.”

Then I looked back to Alex, who was glowering up at me with eyes that weren’t hers. They almost seemed to glow red if I looked too close.

I leaned forward and pressed myself to the calcified bars. Her eyes narrowed and she swatted at me like a pissed off house cat. One nail caught the side of my face and I winced a little, but didn’t back down.

In that moment, she reminded me of those kittens from earlier.

_It would be very dull to be stuck in a cage all day._

I shook the thought, which was distracting me from the point of my being here. “Alex, listen to me.”

“Alex is gone,” she said immediately.

“Riley, you need to get out of here,” Sans said over my shoulder. “She could kill you.”

“That’d be pretty stupid,” I said, still looking at her, “considering that my last save point is in October. She’d lose all her progress and I’d remember her entire plan without her remembering anything she’d already done.”

“Don’t pretend you didn’t save on the way here,” she sneered. “There’s no way you’d go into such a dangerous fight without saving.”

“Not saving is my plot armor,” I said to her. “You can’t kill me because you’ll lose everything you’ve worked for.”

She glared, but she leaned against the back of the cage, crossing her arms and pouting like a little kid because she knew I was right.

“Could you at least stay a little farther away?” Sans asked quietly. I looked up to him and saw the fear in his eyes. I knew he’d fought Chara and her knife for countless hours already and not been at all afraid, but now he was scared. Scared for me.

“No,” I said, looking back into Alex’s face. “Because she won’t hurt me. Not with Alex in there. See, I know Alex, and she’s a fighter. She’ll never go down like this.”

“Alex never even cared about you,” Chara said. “She kept you around because you grovel after her, because you’re a slut that she can fuck whenever she wants.”

I let out a little chuckle. “Say whatever you want, Chara. I’m never gonna believe a word of it.”

“I’m the one in her head. I’d know.”

I rolled my eyes. “Come on, do you know how many villains have played this card before? You’re in the head of a film major. You should be able to see that this doesn’t actually work, not on someone with a smidge of confidence.”

“What are you trying to accomplish right now?” Sans asked, sounding tired.

“Oh, you know, just passing the time,” I replied.

Then I started talking.

I figured that if I was supposed to get to the Alex inside of Chara, I had to remind her what it meant to be Alex. And I’d known Alex for a _long_ time. I had a ton of material to pull from.

I regaled how we had first been barely friends in high school—how our two friend groups were Venn Diagrams that touched sometimes and how I used to make up silly mind tricks to help her in our Anatomy class. I told her about how sex had only brought us closer. I talked about how we both liked movies but never talked about them because it broke Alex’s heart every time she realized how many classics I’d never seen—she knew that if we started now, it would take a decade to catch me up.

Chara used Alex’s face to look unbearably bored, but I didn’t back down. It’s not like she could do anything to me without a weapon. Worst case scenario: she got so bored of my story telling that she reset herself.

We could sit like this forever if we had to.

I even told some sadder stories. I talked about how tragedy turned our relationship from acquaintances to true friends. I told her about how we had gone through enough of the same bad things that we could understand each other on a level other people couldn’t. I reminded her that she was the first person I ever told I was raped and her immediate response was, “Who do I gotta beat up?”

Sans was annoyed that I was even there at first, but he seemed unable to pretend not to be interested once I started opening up. He ended up sitting next to the cage with me and listening. He held my hand when I told the hard stuff and Chara looked so annoyed at the kindness.

Then I started talking about Alex’s stories that I wasn’t even in. Ones I had heard before.

“And you know what you said to him?” I prompted.

“Suck my dick.”

I stared at Alex, at Chara, at her red eyes. To Sans it probably seemed like a hostile response from Chara—but actually it was the answer to my rhetorical question.

Chara looked angry in that moment, like she didn’t expect her control to slip like that.

She flashed forward, putting her face in mine. “You’re never going to get to her, girl. Just give up!”

Just then, Sans suddenly stood.

“Sans,” I said, “it’s okay. She’s got no weapon and I just heard Alex for the first time. We’re almost there.”

“This is all pointless!” he snapped. I turned to look at him and saw that he was heaving in breath furiously. “Alex is gone! Just give up already!”

I didn’t understand where his sudden change in attitude came from.

“No, Sans, I swear—” I tried to explain.

“No! I’m done playing your games!”

Behind him, something huge and white began to materialize. It took a moment before it looked like anything, but then it solidified into…

I didn’t know how to describe it.

It was a huge skull with a long snout—maybe like a hyena skull, but with more spikes and scarier teeth. It was as tall as Sans and had a glow in its mouth and its eyes. Sans held his hand out towards Alex in her bone cage, which made the skull thing poise itself at her as one of his eyes began to glow with blue flames.

“Sans, what the hell has gotten into you?” I asked in alarm, standing and starting towards him.

“She’s going to find a way to hurt you,” Sans said. “She’s just biding her time! And if I kill her now, she’ll load a save, and you’ll be far off again. And this time I’ll make sure you can’t get in.”

I couldn’t figure out what got him angry so suddenly. By now he had to realize my plan, and he knew that I had actually made some progress. It was a strange moment to lose faith in me.   

And then, it was like lightning, for barely a second, but I saw it.

A wink.

It took me a second to get it. Was this… an act? But what was the point?

I figured I might as well go along with it. The storytelling was loosening the jar, but if we wanted to get out of here by February, we’d needed a new idea. I didn’t mind trying his.  

I winked back to show that I had seen it. “She won’t hurt me,” I said. “Please, Sans.”

He ignored me, glaring at Alex. “This is the end, Chara.”

Sans started charging up the horrible beast behind him and I had a moment of inspiration—I quickly jumped in the way.

“No!” I screamed. “I won’t watch you kill her!”

“Get out of my way, Riley! She has to be stopped!”

“I won’t move! If you want to get to her, you’ll have to go through me.”

“Don’t be stupid, Ri. I don’t want to hurt you. Don’t make me blast you out of the way.”

Yeah. I had a feeling this was where this was going.

“I dare you.”

He glared at me with that glowing eye and I had to remind myself that it was all a rouse, because it suddenly didn’t feel like one.

“Riley, I’m telling you right now, you need to move.”

“No.”

“Riley, I’m gonna do it.”

“Then do it. I’ll die to save her any day.”

Sans sighed heavily. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“ _NO_!”

I turned around and knew immediately that I was looking at Alex, not Chara. Her eyes were huge and she was panting like she’d run a marathon. She was reaching through the boney bars at me, tears in her eyes.

“Nothing like a good piece of theatre to bring you out of your shell,” I said with a grin.

But she sure as hell wasn’t smiling.

She crumpled into the corner of her cage. “Jesus,” she muttered, grabbing her head. “What have I done?”

She was shaking like crazy and somehow it never occurred to me that she was going to remember all the shit Chara had done using her body.

“Hey, that wasn’t you,” I said, stepping closer.

“No, stay away,” she said, trying to shuffle further back when her cage gave her no room to do so. “I can’t keep control for long.”

“What?” I’d been under the impression that once Chara was out of her head, it was done.

But the cowboy hat kid had to reset to make that happen.

Shit.

“How long?” I asked before Alex answered my previous question.

“I don’t know,” Alex said. “I can feel her fighting. Probably not long. Riley, listen to me. You have to reset.”

I looked over to Sans, who had that empty grin on his face as he looked at me with those eyes that demanded me to ignore her.

“I can’t reset,” I said, looking back at her. “I—”

“You don’t get it,” Alex hissed. “She has to be stopped. She’ll destroy _everything_.”

“If you want to reset so badly, why don’t you do it?” I asked.

“I’m afraid that even remembering having her inside me will bring her back. She’s too strong. If you reset, I won’t remember anything. It’s the only way.”

“But…” I muttered weakly. I could feel Sans’ glare weighing on my neck.

“Riley, even if you can get her out of me by some fucking miracle, I can’t live with what I’ve done. It’s too much.” She was now speaking calmly, but her hands were still shaking uncontrollably. There was surety in her eyes—she _needed_ me to do this for her.

Sans was telling me to live with my mistakes, but this was different. I couldn’t tell Alex that she just had to live with the fact that someone had used her body to kill her friends. She _remembered_ killing Undyne. She remembered killing all of them.

The fact that I felt bad and wanted to repent didn’t take away her suffering.

“This is my fault,” I told her. “Because I told you to touch the—”

“Touching the coffin had nothing to do with it,” Alex said. “She could have latched onto your determination just as easily as mine, but I was the one that got the short straw. You didn’t do anything.”

I wasn’t sure if it was true—she wasn’t above lying to make me feel better occasionally—but I told myself that it was because I so badly wanted it to be.

“You’re always trying to help me,” Alex said. “Sometimes you suck at it, but today you don’t have to. Please reset. For me.”

I looked over to Sans again. I expected him to still look angry, but this was worse. His eyes were empty once more and he definitely had the beginning of a tear in his eye.

_If you reset, I will never forgive you._

When I was being selfish and trying to fix my own mistake, I couldn’t put Sans through that kind of pain.

But now that I was here, and Alex was begging me to do it, and I still felt in my heart that it was wrong to let my friends be dead when I could fix it, I was starting to feel differently.

It was like what Asgore did all over again. Probably the right thing to do would be to let those kids live, but he would do anything to save his people.

Maybe the right thing to do would be to leave timelines to God and just deal with the hand I’d been dealt…

But I would do anything to save my friends. This way, I could save all of them.

I looked to Sans again, at the hurt in his eyes. He knew what I was going to do and he looked so fucking betrayed. Like he just wanted to crumple to the ground and cry. I wanted nothing more than to comfort him through this, but I knew he wouldn’t let me.

He would hurt for a while, but this too would heal. It felt harsh to call him collateral damage, but at the moment, that’s what he was. If I didn’t reset, it was solely to protect him from being hurt. If I did reset, it was protecting so many people from so many pains.

And if I forsook all those people for the sake of my love life, I didn’t even deserve to keep Sans, even if he didn’t see it that way.

The fact was that in this battle of selfishness, my path had just become a lot less selfish, and Sans’ was becoming more shortsighted the longer I thought about it.

This was how it had to be, whether Sans wanted to accept that or not.

“Sans, I am so sorry,” I said.

“Riley. _Please_.” The beg was a whimper and I took a moment to hate myself before I grasped onto the resolute feeling in my gut that this was the right thing to do.

“I really do love you.”

His mouth set angrily and he didn’t reply. I had to take a slow breath in and out to keep from crying as I looked at him.

Then he turned around, unable to meet my eyes any longer.

I nodded. This was what I had to do. Someone was going to hurt no matter what, but less people would if I did this.

I had to do this.

I turned to Alex, who was now leaning against the front of her cage, hands grasping the bars. Her jaw was tense and she looked almost like she was in pain—she was still trying to hold Chara back.

After another second, the reset button appeared in front of me and I looked at Alex one last time.

She nodded once.

I almost looked back at Sans again, but I didn’t know if I’d be able to do it if I was watching him hate me for this, so I glared at the button for a long moment.

I reset.


	36. Lights

It was disorienting to be one place, blink, and then open your eyes to somewhere completely different. I was sitting in that bed of flowers and Alex was sitting there in the grass, holding my phone out to me.

I knew how resets functioned, but I think part of me didn’t realize it would happen so fast. Maybe I didn’t even believe that it would actually work.

I stared at Alex like I’d never seen her before and she looked at me in concern. “Ri, did you hurt yourself falling?” she asked me.

And as I looked at her, watched her worry about me, I was overcome with emotion I couldn’t control. I pounced forward and fell on top of her, hugging her to me.

“You wanna fuck right here?” she asked. “Come on, kind of weird timing, don’t you think? We could’ve done that anywhere.”

“Shut up,” I muttered, pressing a kiss to her lips. I forced myself not to cry, because that would be too hard to explain, but considering the fact that Undyne and Alphys were out there, entirely okay, I was so happy I could burst.  

I didn’t know about Sans, but I couldn’t worry about him right now. We were still in the Underground, which meant I couldn’t let my guard down. I didn’t know how Chara worked exactly, but I knew that we might still be susceptible to her influence.

I couldn’t let this happen again.

“Alex, I need you to listen to me.”

“Okay…” she said, looking at me like I had gone crazy.

“The Underground is really weird, from what people have told me about it. It feeds off of people’s energy. If you think bad thoughts, bad things could happen.”

“… Alright?” She still thought I was insane, but she was listening. She usually took me seriously even when I was being a nut-job.

“We need to go through here and be super positive about everything. We can’t think about anything unhappy. Think about our friends, about graduating, whatever. Anything.”

“About Halloween coming up and how hot we’ll look?” she asked.

I blinked for a moment. Whoa. Right. We went back in time. Halloween hadn’t happened yet. She hadn’t bailed on me yet—and maybe she wouldn’t this time, since I now knew her antisocial behavior was Chara all along.

“Yeah, that,” I agreed. “There’s going to be a flower in the next room and he’s going to have a face. He’s going to talk, but we’re gonna plug our ears and not listen to a word he says. And most importantly, we are going to see some golden lights and we’re going to want to touch them but you _can’t touch them_.”

Alex blinked at me for a long moment. “Riley, you’ve officially lost it,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Oh yeah, years ago,” I agreed, “but I would feel better if we were careful.”

“No, I agree,” she said. “I’m gonna be honest, I’m starting to wonder if this is a good idea. It seems kind of like desecrating someone’s grave somehow.”

It was a lot more like that than she even realized.

“Yeah, me too. Maybe curiosity really did kill the cat.”

“Never thought I’d see the day,” Alex said, smirking down at me.

I shoved her shoulder even though she had a point. Caution was not one of my strong points. “Point is, we’re going to get out of here as fast as we can, okay?”

She nodded.

We ended up not even running into the flower in the room he was usually in and I convinced Alex that I found the Riverperson on accident in Snowdin. We quickly went through the castle and I didn’t even look at the stairs to the basement.

We got through the Underground much quicker than last time. It wasn’t even noon. Sans wasn’t even up yet.

I shouldn’t have thought it, because when I did I immediately started tearing up, and Alex noticed.

“Whoa, Ri, you’re totally all over the place today. What the hell is going on?”

“I’m sorry,” I muttered. “Sorry. I just…” I realized that I couldn’t be entirely dishonest. I had to tell her _something_. “I didn’t want to admit it, but Sans and I got into a fight yesterday.”

After a moment, she gave a mischievous smile. “You guys _are_ secretly dating! I knew it!”

It wasn’t technically true now that we’d gone back in time, but it felt true anyway. “Not anymore,” I replied. “It was a bad fight, Alex. I did something I promised I would never do. He said he’ll never forgive me.”

Alex snorted.

“What the fuck about this is funny?” I snapped.

“It’s funny because obviously he’s gonna forgive you. He’s totally in love with you.”

“Not after this.”

She was still shaking her head like I was being stupid. “Want to tell me what you fought about?” she asked in a tone that seemed to know I wasn’t going to tell her. Before I could think of a proper response, she added, “I’m guessing this has to do with whatever you’ve been hiding from me for weeks now.”

I blinked. “What?” I asked dumbly.

“Ri, I know you way too well to believe that you were in that three day funk over your mom. You never let her get under your skin that much. I don’t know why you can’t talk to me about it, but whatever it is, Sans is going to forgive you. I bet you next time you see him, he’ll already wanna kiss your face.”

“I’m really not so sure.”

“Well, if all else fails, do that sexy thing you do with the coat and the boots and he won’t be able to resist you.” What she meant was when I wore my long pea coat and my Docs—but only that. It was a thing I sometimes did when I was Domming with her and she was convinced it was the hottest thing on the planet.

I barked out a quick laugh. “I’ll keep that in mind. But we should get going. Undyne’s gonna want to hang out later and you have homework.”

I said it before realizing that I couldn’t just tell Alex what I knew was going to happen, but she didn’t say anything about it, so I hoped we could pretend it hadn’t happened.

It was nearly torture to wait until a time that Sans might be awake to go see him. I ended up sitting on Alex’s bed and staring at the ceiling while she worked on her essay. Then I told her I was going to go try to make up with Sans and she told me to at least wear the coat, saying I could take off all the clothes underneath it if I needed a fool-proof plan.

I rolled my eyes… but I actually did wear the coat.

Because it was warm. Not for seduction.

When I got to Sans’ place, I walked in without knocking. Papyrus didn’t even notice me as he hummed in the kitchen and I barged into Sans’ room.

He was sitting on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

“What are you doing here?” he asked coldly.

He was smoking in his room, which he was definitely not supposed to do under Papyrus’ rules. He refused to look at me.

I didn’t know what to say at first, because _I_ had caused his voice to sound this dead. I had let him down.

But I also knew in my heart that Sans was wrong. He was being self-centered and was too caught up in his depression to even realize it. I’d been through enough depression that I knew how it felt, and how selfish it could make you. You’d do anything to stop feeling that pain, anything at all. I couldn’t bring myself to be frustrated at Sans because I understood and acknowledged how hard this was going to be for him… but I also wanted to make him understand that I couldn’t have done it any other way. Letting him go through this wasn’t easy for me, but it was what had to be done.

Words came to me. “Is there any part of you that can get why I did this? I wanted to save Alex, Undyne, Alphys. Everyone.” He only shook his head and looked towards the wall and my eyes burned, but I clenched my fists and said, “You have to come help me cave in the entrance to the Underground. I can’t do it alone.”

He flicked some ash onto the ground. “When did we agree to that plan? What if I think it’s stupid?”

“We have to try, don’t we?”

“What does it matter?” he said venomously. “You’ll just reset again like—”

“I didn’t touch any of the lights while I was down there, Sans. I can’t reset anymore.”

He finally sat up and looked at me. “What?”

“Yeah. I’m never making a save point again. If you don’t trust me, then help me seal the entrance to the Underground and I’ll never be able to get down there anyway.”

His mouth was still set into a bitter scowl. “How do you know you didn’t fuck up again? Maybe Alex is still possessed.”

“She’s not.” I wasn’t sure why I felt so certain. I knew I’d still have to watch her, but I was pretty sure we’d gotten through okay this time.

He huffed in frustration.

I sighed and came and sat on the bed. He flipped over so he didn’t have to look at me, snuggling with the wall. “Sans, did you really expect me to let everyone die? To let Alex suffer? Would you have done that if you were in my position? All those times Papyrus died, didn’t you _convince_ the kids to reset? How is that any different?”

After a moment, he turned back over to look at me. His gaze was just a little reminiscent of how he would have looked at me twenty-four hours ago, back before all this madness—or should I say three months from now? Resets, man. They were weird.

“Ri… you don’t know how many times I’ve had to relive the same things over again. How many times I’ve had to be reminded that nothing matters. That anything and everything can be reset. If you cave in that entrance, someone else can just reset all over again. And next time it won’t be you, meaning that you won’t remember any of it. Everything we had will be gone and I can’t imagine looking at you when you don’t know me.”

The fact that it came down to me in the end gave me a little hope that I had to forcibly quash down. Instead I considered the fact that if Alex and I couldn’t reset, then only Frisk could, and something in me was sure Frisk would never reset again.

But how could I say that? It’s not like I was ever going to promise anyone anything ever again. There was nothing I could say to make him feel better. It’s likely he wouldn’t even let me. Too caught up in his depression. Too hurt to think straight.

I really did understand the feeling, which only made it harder to watch.

His cigarette had burned down to the filter, so I carefully took it from his hand and set it in the ash tray—it was not the first one in there and I wondered if they were all from today.

I wanted to apologize again, but I didn’t see the point. I was learning lately that my remorse didn’t fix my wrongdoings and saying I was sorry all the time didn’t do anyone any good.

In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if the best thing I could do for him was to leave him be. Looking at me pained him.

I stood up.

“Well you don’t have to help me close the entrance,” I said, “but I’m gonna try.”

I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I knew for a fact there were explosives that could be made from household products. Thank God for Google.

“Wait,” Sans said.

I was almost out the door. I looked back at him.

“Did you mean what you said? That you didn’t make a save point?”

“Yeah.”

“And you never want to again?”

“Not in the slightest.”

He nodded, sitting up. “There’s… there’s something we can do. I never thought you would go along with it, but since you didn’t save when you were down there…”

“What do you need me to do?” I asked him. I didn’t think there was anything he could ask me to do that I would refuse at that point.

“I need you to help me destroy the lights.”

I stared, my mouth falling open. “You know how to do that?”

“Theoretically, yeah. You get shit like that when you travel through time as much as I do. But only a human who hasn’t made a save point can do it. If you do this, nobody can reset ever again.”

“Okay. What are you waiting for? Let’s go.”

I opened his door and stood in the doorway.

“You mean it? You’d be willing to do that?”

“Obviously. Let’s go.”

“There’s no going back.”

“Sans, do me a favor and shut up.” I gestured out the door and he stood, a ghost of a smile on his lips. “I told you, I don’t ever want the power to reset again.”

And with only a nod, he went out the door.

* * *

 

Sans took us to the entrance of the Underground. “I can’t teleport in and out,” he said. “Too much magical interference. We’ll have to get down there ourselves.”

I nodded and we walked down the path together with his magical ball of light between us. It felt nice to be so close to him, especially since I was pretty sure I’d never be close to him like this again after this. This truce was temporary, that much I knew.

We jumped down together and this time I landed on my feet.

“We’re gonna run into Flowey,” Sans said. “If he talks, just—”

“I don’t think he’ll be there. He wasn’t when Alex and I walked through.”

I ended up being right. He was nowhere to be seen. Sans told me I had to guide him to the light, since he couldn’t see it.

When the Ruins loomed overhead, I told him we were there.

He nodded. “Okay. This is what you do.”

He guided me through what I had to do to destroy the light. It was mostly the power of thought and a little bit of his magic, which didn’t surprise me. The Underground was full of the power of thought.

Once I had it down, I went over to the light and performed the steps. He told me to be careful not to touch the light in the process, because then it wouldn’t work.

I performed the last step…

But the light was still there. Wasn’t it supposed to be gone?

I looked over to Sans. “I don’t think it worked.”

He was just staring at me.

“Sans? It didn’t work,” I repeated. “You watched me do it. Did I do something wrong?”

His pupils had gone huge and I felt like I was missing something.

Then he said, “You didn’t even hesitate.”

“What?” I asked blankly.

“I didn’t think you meant it when you said you’d destroy it, but you didn’t even give it a second thought.”

“Of course I meant it. Why would I lie?”

“I thought that after it fixed the last problem so conveniently, you wouldn’t want to give the power up.”

I shook my head. “I didn’t do what I did out of convenience. Hurting you the way I did was not the easy choice. Both choices sucked. What it came down to was responsibility. My true mistake was coming down here at all. If I never had, I would never have learned about save points and I never would’ve even needed one, because Chara would have stayed trapped. It was my responsibility to undo what was done because I fucked up. And now the fuck up is fixed and I’ve learned from it. Save points are not the answer. They’re the problem.”

In fact, when I really thought about it, I wondered if the save point itself was how Chara was able to control us. Alex did say something controlling people through their determination, which was amplified each time they used a save point. Sans had thought it was some kind of bloodlust that she latched onto, but maybe it was determination all along.

But I didn’t think about it for much longer because I noticed that the grin on Sans’ face was suddenly genuine. And after a moment he put his arms around me.

That was when I realized I’d been duped.

How convenient it would be if Sans just magically knew how to get rid of the save points. If he really did know how to do that, he would’ve gotten me to destroy them back when I had no idea what they were.

It was all a test. He wanted to see if I was willing to get rid of my ability to ever reset again.

“So there’s no way to destroy the lights.”

He let go and shook his head, rolling his eyes. “I can’t even see them, Rye Bread. How would I know how to destroy them?”

I smirked. “Wow. Guess I’m pretty gullible.”

“I mean, this doesn’t change anything, not really,” he said after a moment. “Everything can still be reset. But it means a lot to me that you’re willing to lose that power.”

“I only did it to save the people I loved, and only because it was my fault they were hurt. I never want to do it again.”

He nodded, finally seeming like a bit of him understood. “Yeah.” I still saw the hopelessness in his eyes. I really had hurt him by resetting and I knew I wasn’t entirely forgiven. He had months of reliving his life ahead of him and that was on me. He truly was the collateral damage of my mistake, and I wished I could change that.

“I’m sorry I let you down,” I finally said.

He sighed quietly. “Like I said before, everyone makes mistakes. I meant that. I’ve fucked up plenty in my time—even fuck ups like yours where people died. And you know what? I’ve never had to live with them. Someone else ended up resetting for me every time, so it wasn’t really fair for me to tell you to just deal with it when I’ve never had to. I…” He stared at the ground—looking pensive, troubled.  

He didn’t talk for long enough that I got a little concerned.

“Sans?” I asked tentatively.

He finally looked up at me, his eyes sad in a different way than before. “What I asked you to do was actually pretty fucked up, wasn’t it? I mean, you told me you could save _hundreds_ of dead Monsters, including some of my best friends, and I told you not to do it because it would make me a little uncomfortable for a couple months.”

It’s funny how during an argument, you could want so badly for the other person to admit you’re right… but when they finally do you just feel shitty about it because of what they had to go through in order to get to the same conclusion you had.

Yesterday, I wanted so badly for him to see reason, but watching him realize that ignoring what he wanted was the right decision on my part didn’t make me feel smug or proud of myself. It made my chest ache, my eyes burn. Now that he was realizing what he was truly asking me to do, he was disgusted with himself.

I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t want to lie but I definitely didn’t want to shove the truth at him. I was sitting there trying to think of a response, but nothing really came.

He exhaled, his tongue darting out to wet his lips nervously as he considered the events of the last couple of hours. “Wow,” he concluded. “I’m a complete asshole.”

I still didn’t know what to say, but I knew that he wasn’t quite being fair to himself. I stepped forward to try to comfort him, but he stepped back from me, seemingly reflexively. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

“I’m not trying to kiss you,” I said quietly.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I know. I just—”

“You don’t have to explain,” I said. “I knew resetting meant that what we had was gone.” It took a lot to say that without choking up. I didn’t think that Sans understanding the decision I made was going to make him feel any better about how much the next couple months were going to suck. I never considered that he had the energy or will to actively hate me, but I also didn’t think I could fix it with some well-meaning words. “Can I have just one more day with you?” I requested timidly. “Walk me through the Underground. Tell me about your life.”

He looked at me thoughtfully for a long moment before affording me half a smile. “Yeah, okay. For old time’s sake.”

Things were almost normal as we walked through the Underground. He told me happy stories and we laughed. I wanted to hold his hand a million times, not just because I wanted to touch him, but because I wanted to console him. I was sure he still didn’t want to let me. Maybe he was being butch, or maybe he didn’t trust me anymore. It was hard to know.

I barely even looked at the lights.

We finally got outside and it was sunrise. We’d taken forever to get through, since we were walking slowly and we hadn’t even skipped Hotland this time.

“Did you want to cave in the entrance?” I asked.

He looked at me for a long moment before sighing. “I feel like the universe would make me regret it if I tried to take things into my own hands like that. We’ll just have to let it be.”

“I really won’t go down again.” I knew better than to promise again, but I sure as hell meant it.

He nodded, but I wasn’t sure from his expression if he actually believed me.

After a moment, he took my hand and teleported me to my front porch. His hand stayed in mine, maybe out of habit. I was too selfish to let go, figuring he would soon enough, when he realized what he was doing… and until then, it wasn’t a total crime to steal a little comfort, just for a few moments.

Especially considering what I now had to ask.

Part of me didn’t want to ask the question, because it sounded so stupid, but I had to know.

“Can we still be friends?”

He huffed out a little chuckle. He saw the humor in the line too, but not for long. His expression was sad and he let go of my hand, trying to make it sly by immediately scratching the back of his head. Did skeletons get itches they had to scratch? All I knew was that it was far too cold without his fingers in mine. Then he said, “Of course. Always.”

“I just thought… you said you couldn’t forgive me.”

He shook his head, looking frustrated. “I can’t believe I said that. What am I, a baby bones?”

“You were upset. People say things they don’t mean when they’re hurting.”

He shrugged noncommittally.  

“But this doesn’t change anything,” I added after a moment. He looked so guilty suddenly, and I really wished he’d tell me what he was thinking. Did he feel bad that he couldn’t give me what I wanted? Did he want to take back some of the harsher things he said?

But he didn’t say anything at all, and I knew what the silence must have meant. Even without animosity between us, too much had happened for us to just go back to where we were.

Finally, Sans let out a chuckle. “Ri, you could do better than a **bone** head like me anyway.”

Well, that was a rejection if I’d ever seen one. It still stung, even though I knew it was coming.

But we were still going to be friends.

And that was enough.


	37. Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers. I have a gift for you this fine, fine Thursday. Because Chapter 38 is more of an epilogue, I don't want you to have to wait for it. Plus, you must be wondering how Bonding works.
> 
> So today I am posting both of the remaining chapters. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. It's been a crazy ride, and now here we are, at its end. I hope you enjoyed. 
> 
> Without further ado: The conclusion to Riley's Rantings.

It was impossible to understand what a reset felt like until you had been through one yourself. I had been so sure that it couldn’t be _that_ bad to do things over again, but now that I was living it, I felt a small fraction of what Sans kept telling me about. That feeling in the back of my mind that none of the choices I made actually mattered. That fear that maybe Frisk would reset and I would forget everything that had happened—or that I would someday be stupid enough to go down there and make a save point myself. I mean, for all I knew I’d already lived through another dozen resets, and the thought of not knowing drove me crazy some days.

I knew how conversations went before they happened. I forced myself to go to classes I’d already been to, to go to events I’d already had fun at once and felt wrong repeating. I knew what I was getting for Christmas and had to rewrite blog posts I’d already written and get the same reviews I’d already read. And this time, it was all without the budding romance I’d previously had with Sans.

He was honest when he said we could be friends. Most of the time, things weren’t even tense. But we didn’t hang out alone anymore. I went over to their house when Papyrus invited me and sometimes Sans would join us. I’d always see him at group outings. But he acted different now, a little short with me. Usually when I looked at him he refused to meet my eyes, but every once in a while we’d look at each other and I’d see the sadness in his expression that he wanted so badly to hide and I would be so angry at myself that he was feeling this all over again.

But we really were friends. We joked and laughed and I still loved being around him, even with the walls all back with extra fortification.

It never crossed my mind that things between us could be the same again. I was sure that I’d done something that meant I didn’t deserve it anymore—and even if I hadn’t, Sans would never be able to look at me the same again.

The only thing that made this time better than the last was that Alex was around now. She didn’t ditch us for Halloween—she told Marco that he better come up and see us if he wanted to hang with her—and she was around for movie night, the night that we were “surprised” by Papyrus having invited Frisk over without consulting anyone.

I had spent the day cleaning up their place so that I didn’t have to get a new phone this time. Then again either way I probably wouldn’t have anyway because I ended up throwing out the pocketless jeans within a week of the reset. I didn’t want to risk a repeat of that incident.

When I met Frisk for the first time (for the second time), it was the first time I felt really weird acting like everything was normal. I couldn’t pinpoint why until we ended up alone—I was getting water and they followed me into the kitchen while the others continued to watch their movie.

“You reset, didn’t you?” Frisk asked me. I almost asked them how they knew, but they had an answer ready before I even asked. “You already know me, I can tell, but I don’t know you. Which means we’ve met before.”

Damn. Smart for a little kid.

I nodded.

“Is Sans mad at you?”

“He’s not mad anymore,” I said. “He understands why I did it, and I went far enough back that I can’t ever reset again. But I think when he looks at me all he sees is what I did. He doesn’t really trust me anymore.”

I wasn’t sure if it was too much to say to a kid, but they nodded like they understood.

And then they smiled. “Don’t worry. He’ll come around.”

I tilted my head. “Why do you think that?”

“Because he stares at you whenever you’re not looking.”

I wasn’t sure if they were only saying that to make me feel better, but I liked to believe it was true.

* * *

 

I didn’t realize until graduation finally happened that I wasn’t even close to ready for adulthood. I liked the simple life I had now, living with Alex and spending as much time with friends as I wanted. I liked going to the Leather Lounge whenever I felt like it and dying my hair stupid colors and chilling at Grillby’s for hours at a time. It felt like I was no longer allowed to do anything like that anymore.

But adulthood was here whether I liked it or not and I decided that I needed a new start. Away from Ebott. Away from my friends. I was still pining over Sans and I just couldn’t do that anymore. I was sad to leave, but it felt like the only way.

Especially since I knew how miserable it made Sans to look at me. It was selfish to stay when he didn’t want me around.

I didn’t know exactly where I was going yet, since I didn’t know what job I was going to have, but when my lease ended in a couple weeks, I was moving in with my parents until I figured it out.

Hopefully quickly because I couldn’t last much longer than a month with them without wanting to pull my hair out.

I hadn’t told anyone but Alex so far. She kept telling me that I could crash on her couch when I changed my mind about leaving—if I didn’t feel like crashing on Sans’, of course, because she was convinced Sans was still head over heels for me even though I knew it wasn’t true.

But I finally had to tell everyone. I decided to do it at Grillby’s after graduation—which was definitely pooping on the party, but I couldn’t wait any longer.

They started to ask why I was going and they were all sad, but supportive. They understood my theory that leaving was the best way to launch into a world of responsibility. Undyne called me boring, but she didn’t push it.

Sans had gone quiet. I had a feeling he didn’t want to admit that he was happy I was leaving.

We went over to Sans and Papyrus’ house afterwards and turned it into a looking-at-it-positively going away party for me as well as a graduation party.

But I just felt like I needed a cigarette.

This time around, I smoked a lot more than last time. If I had ended up going through more resets, maybe I would’ve ended up a chain smoker like Sans. But considering I could get lung cancer and he couldn’t, it was probably good I’d gone through just the one reset.

I went outside to smoke and stared down the street. God, I’d miss this place so much. Not just my friends, but the Slums in general. It wouldn’t be the same anywhere else. This was where Monster culture was and part of me knew that if I wanted to go deeper into Monster Anthropology, I had to be in Ebott.

Maybe I’d come back when things had cooled down a bit.

The door opened and I was surprised that Sans came out, considering that he avoided alone time with me like the plague. We hadn’t been alone together in seven months.

Not that I was counting.

I figured he probably really needed a smoke, so I held out my pack to him, but he just stared at me.

“You alright, man?” I asked tentatively.

He continued to watch me for a long moment, something unhappy in his smile.

“Why are you leaving?” he finally asked.

I looked at him with a brow up. “I told you guys. I need a change in scenery.”

He stepped closer. “You mean you need to get away from me.”

I chuckled, feeling suddenly just a little bitter. “You’re the one that’s been avoiding me. Don’t act like it’s the other way around.”

“I’m not avoiding you.”

“Whatever, dude.” I took a long hit, so long my lungs protested and I had to force myself not to cough.

“I’m not,” he insisted. “I just… Admit it,” he said, going back to his original point. “You don’t actually want to leave Ebott. You’re just leaving because I’m here.”

I let go of the avoidance subject, knowing it would just go around in circles, and thought about what he was actually asking. I wanted to tell him he was wrong, but I couldn’t. So I didn’t say anything at all, and that was enough.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away from me. “Don’t leave on my account,” he said quietly.

I shook my head, frustration boiling in my skin that I couldn’t hold down. “I’m trying to do you a damn favor, so don’t be so self-righteous about it. I know you want me to—”

“That’s not true,” he said. “I told you we could be friends. I wouldn’t be doing a good job of that if I secretly wanted you to leave all this time. I’m not even sure where you got that from, to be honest.”

“Don’t play dumb with me. I see how sad it makes you to look at me.”

“I—”

I didn’t let him speak. I didn’t want to hear his lame excuses. If one of us had to make the hard decisions, it might as well be me. I sighed out my frustration so I sounded much calmer when I said, “You don’t have to feel bad. This is just how it has to be. If I leave, you’ll heal better, and I might magically get over you. It’s good for both of us.”

He was quiet for a short moment. “Get over me?”

“Uh… yeah, remember when we were secretly dating?” I asked dryly. “I had a thing for you, in case that escaped your notice.”

He looked at me with his eyes just a little narrowed. I didn’t understand what had him so puzzled. “I thought you _were_ over me. I thought that’s why you were leaving. Because being here with me was too…”

He couldn’t seem to think of a word and I was surprised at where this conversation was going. He figured I was leaving because it hurt me to be around him, but I was actually leaving because it hurt him to be around me.

A selfish part of me was glad he cared about me enough to be bothered by me leaving to get away from him.

“I wish,” I said, taking another puff from my cig. “Guess I’m into assholes.” I didn’t really think he was an asshole at all, but I knew it would get a laugh out of him, and I liked to make him laugh whenever I could manage it. As if I could make up for hurting him by also making him happy on occasion.

Now I only had one more thing to do to try to make it up to him. “I know you’ve tried being friends, and I appreciate the effort. But I don’t want to do this to you anymore. And maybe somewhere down the line, when the hurt isn’t so close, I can come back and we can try to be friends again.” Maybe that last part was more for my benefit than his, but I couldn’t help but add it.

There was a pause before he said, “You’re seriously only leaving because you think it’ll make me happy?”

Somehow the question embarrassed me. I cleared my throat and looked across the street at that punk teenager Snowdrake that made worse jokes than Sans.

“I care about you,” I said, my voice gruff. “Of course I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

“But you’d rather stay.”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t feel bad, Sansy-boy. It’s not a big deal. I can live wherever. Like I care. And like I said, maybe I can come back. Eventually.”

He huffed out a humorless laugh, one that made me look at him. “Rye Bread. There’s one big hole in your logic.”

I raised a brow. “Okay…”

“In what world does being away from you make me happy?”

I stared at him, confused. He’d spent all this time trying to keep space between us, making sure we didn’t have alone time, being short with me…

Staring at me when I wasn’t looking, if Frisk was to be believed.

So long ago, back on the day of the reset, his words of rejection returned to me.

_Ri, you could do better than a **bone** head like me anyway._

He didn’t say that he didn’t want me anymore. He said that I could do better. And at the time I thought he was letting me down easy, but now…

“Sans… I don’t get it. I thought… I thought looking at me…” I didn’t know what to say, and after a second, my words were stolen from me anyway because Sans stepped forward, putting a hand on my cheek. His eyes had gone soft.

He finished my sentence for me, but not the way I would have done it. “Looking at you reminds me how badly I fucked up. After saying such horrible things to you that day, you didn’t just forgive me—you acted like there was nothing to forgive in the first place. You kept apologizing, like you were in the wrong because you had hurt me, when really all you did was make the choice I wasn’t strong enough to make myself. You’re so good, and I’m just…” He sighed. “I thought I was doing you a favor by keeping my distance.”

His words didn’t make sense, so they weren’t really computing. I was just staring, feeling like I was dreaming. What he was saying went against what I knew to be true for the better part of a year now and my brain didn’t really know how to take it.

He kept talking while I kept trying to understand what was going on. “Even now, you’re doing this for me, not for yourself.” He shook his head. “You’re something else, Ri.”

Slowly, so slowly, the cogs started to click into place in my mind and I realized that maybe both of us had been wrong when we assumed that the reset had ended us forever. We were both moping around, assuming we didn’t deserve the other, but it occurred to me then that the self-loathing was useless and misplaced. I didn’t blame Sans for anything. And I never realized it, but Sans didn’t blame me for anything either. He was never sad because I had hurt him beyond reconciliation, but because he thought he had lost his chance to be with me. In this new light, the things he had said and done since the reset made a lot more sense. He was really only mad at me for no more than twenty minutes. Every moment after that, even the day it happened, was him being certain he didn’t deserve me anymore, exactly the same thing I’d been doing to myself.

I hadn’t once considered that prospect and doing so now made me smile, and it unintentionally became a laugh. I couldn’t believe that after all this time, he was touching me again. I never thought I would feel his bones against my flesh again.

“I like your laugh,” he told me quietly.

My stomach knotted up with nerves, the hope in my chest nearly painful in its intensity. “Is that your idea of a pickup line?” I asked breathlessly.

I waited. This was it. This was the moment.

And then he grinned. “I don’t know. Is it working?”

I couldn’t help it. I launched myself at him, wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed him. His arms wound around me too, squeezing me hard, and he kissed me back. Our tongues intertwined between us and god, it felt like home. He was purring again, he was warm again, and I could cry, I was so relieved.

Then I pulled away, stabbing a finger into his chest. “Seriously, you couldn’t have told me this back in October?” I accused. “We’ve been torturing ourselves over nothing.”

“You asked if we could still be friends. I took that as you not wanting me anymore.”

I backed up more, staring at him incredulously. “Coming from the guy that said I deserve better? That’s, like, classic break up shit.”

Somehow he managed to look both exasperated and amused when he said, “Classic break up shit, huh? Maybe that’s number two on the list, but you know what number one is? _Can we still be friends?_ ” He said it in a little mocking voice that almost made me laugh. “Come on, Ri, what the hell was I supposed to think?”

I grunted in annoyance. “I only said that because you were avoiding touching me like I was a leper! That was a pretty clear sign you weren’t into me anymore.”

“I didn’t think you’d even want to touch me after what I’d done.”

“I tried to hug you and you didn’t let me.”

“That’s because—” He shook his head and sighed. “Riley, this is pointless,” he said, a little irritated. “We could sit here and play the blame game for the next hour or we could make out. Which would you rather do?”

I considered for half a moment doing the blame game, but then I ended up forcibly grabbing his face and kissing him again, more aggressive than last time with my frustration.

“Damn,” he said when we came up for air. “I really need to piss you off more often.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

I kissed him one more time before backing up with an exhale that released my stray irritation. For a moment, we just stared at each other.

“I missed you,” he said. “All the time. I wanted to text you and tell you I was sorry, beg you to forgive me. But I didn’t think you wanted to hear it.”

“Me too,” I admitted.

He snorted out a laugh. “Paps would be ashamed of how poor your taste in skeletons is.” I grinned, but after a moment, his face got serious. “But about the lights—” he began.

“I never touched them this time around. You know that.”

“I know,” he said quickly, clearly not wanting to start another fight. “I just mean that it might be tempting to go down there someday, but—”

I didn’t let him finish. “Hey, you could die at my feet and I’d let you rot.”

He grinned wider than I’d seen in months. “That’s all I ask.” He leaned in and kissed me, sliding his hand around my neck and pulling me in close. God, I could do this forever. I really could. And what was even stopping me? He and I could just stand on the porch with our tongues down each other’s throats for—

“Brother, you must come inside and—”

Sans and I flashed apart and looked up at Papyrus, who was standing in the doorway and gaping at us, his eyes bugging out of his head.

I glanced over at Sans, who was meeting my gaze nervously.

The only warning that Papyrus was about to yell something at the top of his lungs was the way he drew in a quick breath and I braced myself for a barrage of questions I felt awkward about answering.

But what he actually did was yell: “FUCK!”

My mouth popped open. Did Papyrus just… curse? Clearly Undyne was a bad influence on him.

Speak of the devil… “Papy, what the hell is going on out there?” Undyne called from inside.

“I HAVE LOST THE BET!” Papyrus wailed.

“Wait, no way!” yelled Undyne, sounding upset. “Are they fucking on the porch or something?”

“HA! I knew it!” cried Alex.

“It was kind of obvious,” Alphys said, barely loud enough for me to hear. “Both the attraction and his latent exhibitionism kink.”

I was only just starting to catch up. “Wait. Are you telling me there was a bet going on whether Sans and I were going to get together?”

Papyrus didn’t even seem to hear me. Instead he stomped inside, saying, “I WAS SURE RILEY HAD BETTER TASTE THAN THAT! CURSE SANS AND HIS INEXPLICABLE CHARM!”

“Shut up and pay up, Skeletor,” Alex taunted. “That’s fifty for me and fifty for Alphy. In cash, if you don’t mind.”

“ _NYEH_!”

And then he slammed the door on us.

Sans and I were staring at each other again.

“Did Papyrus just say—”

“Yup.”

We kept staring for a long moment before we both started busting up laughing.

“Well, they had to figure out somehow,” Sans said.

“Yeah, I guess so. We’ll need to get our story straight. Have we been secretly dating, or was this our first kiss?”

“Oh well actually, I came to your apartment with a boom box and I—”

“Shut up.” I was about to open the door, but then I turned. “If anything, I wooed you, you emotionally constipated shit head.”

He was grinning at me and I could hear them all yelling at each other inside and Sans was just radiating happiness that I hadn’t seen in him for so long and I was lighter than I even thought possible and I felt so stupid for wasting so much time.

“Come on,” I said, my voice gentler. “Let’s get inside.”

“Into the fray?”

“Into the fray.”


	38. Science

“Go fish.”

I glared at Sans. “You totally have a ten. I know you do.”

Sans looked at me with wide eyes. “You think I would _lie_ to you?” he asked melodramatically. “That’s breaking the rules!”

I narrowed my eyes at him before pouncing forward, taking his cards from his hand.

He had two tens, in fact.

“You’re the worst.”

“No I’m not,” he said with a grin, putting his arms around me and flipping me around so we were both lying on the bed, my hands pinned on either side of my head. “In fact, I’ve heard I’m a ten out of ten.” He held up his two cards just in case I didn’t catch the joke.

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. You suck.” I wrestled myself out of his grip and went to get a glass of water.

I was still getting used to the bigger place, but Alex insisted that if I was going to have lots of extra cash that we couldn’t stay in such a small apartment.

I used most of the money I was now making from the blog on fixing up the Slums in Ebott, but I agreed that it might be nice to have a small house rather than an apartment.

Plus, it was cool to have all of us living in the same place.

Maybe being an adult didn’t have to be as boring as I’d originally thought.

Sans and I still had separate rooms, since we hadn’t been together all that long—barely more than a year, in the eyes of the group, since they thought we got together in May. In reality, it had been quite a bit longer than that, but I didn’t mind having some boundaries.

Plus, I was totally fine with a messy room, but Sans’ room smelled and that was the issue. Have the whole floor covered until the carpet can’t be found and I really don’t give a shit but if it starts getting stinky, I’m out.  

He didn’t really like his room either, honestly, so he was often in mine. We shared my bed enough that it was really only a formality to say we didn’t share a bedroom.

Though there was another reason for the separate room. One we didn’t like to talk about. Sometimes, Sans liked time alone. Now that we hadn’t been living in a reset for more than a year, he was doing much better, but some days he got overwhelmed with anxiety he couldn’t dampen, with hopelessness that was heavy as lead. And those days were not helped by seeing me. Once, just the mere sight of me had made him spiral into a panic, one night when he’d already had a nightmare and was on edge to start with. I was a fucking _trigger_ for him, for god’s sake. He had apologized a hundred times at how upset I’d gotten over it, like it was his fault. He’d felt so bad that he’d taken to avoiding me on those days just to ensure it never happened again. I told him it wasn’t healthy, but he was Sans and he didn’t listen. He was never into health of any kind anyway.

Whether or not daring Alex to touch that coffin was what started Chara’s rampage, I _had_ been the one to take her down there in the first place. That was on me, and I had to live with the consequences. And as I’d guessed so long ago, those consequences were in Sans. That even though he didn’t blame me, that even though he loved me, that even though he wanted nothing more than to forget it ever happened, I had hurt him in a way that I couldn’t take back. And he wouldn’t forget, no matter how much we both wanted him to.

I didn’t think about it much anymore. Sans didn’t like when I did. He preferred to ignore tense topics most days, and the days that he got overcome were so infrequent that we could go months and feel like everything was okay.

And usually it was.

But sometimes…

My train of thought had gotten so dark so suddenly that I was almost praying for some kind of distraction. Thinking about the darkness in Sans, the one I had maybe not created but had definitely magnified, made me want to crawl into a hole and die.

But the distraction that grasped me made me want to die even more, it turned out.

“Wow, darling, I didn’t know you could dress so slutty. I’m impressed.”

I turned around quickly to see that Papyrus was sitting on the couch—with _Mettaton_.

After registering the shock of him speaking when he was the last person I expected to see in my house, I looked down at myself. I was wearing my comfy shorts and a tank top—AKA a lot less clothing than I usually wore. But it was the middle of summer and I had every right to be almost naked in my own house.

And I was close to telling him as much too, until I got a good look at Papyrus. He was wearing his Cool Dude shirt—he’d once told me it was his date shirt. He was looking kind of nervous, an orange tinge to his cheekbones.

Damn it. I couldn’t be an asshole to Mettaton if he was on a date with Papyrus.

So I just said, “It’s hot,” with a shrug.

“Indeed it is.” He winked.

I blinked. Was he… hitting on me? While on a date with Papyrus? The guy had no shame.

“By the way,” he added. “Papy was telling me about you and Sans. I think it’s sweet. You both have the same taste in clothes anyway, so you could, like, borrow from each other.”

Okay. I couldn’t keep this up much longer.

“Well you two have fun,” I said, my voice obviously a little strained as I went to go grab the water I came out for in the first place. When I came back into the room, they had moved to the piano and Mettaton was about to start playing.

And Papyrus looked up at me with this smile—this little, subdued smile. He didn’t remember this, but it always reminded me of the day Sans went to fight Chara. And he only started making this particular facial expression after the reset. I wasn’t sure what it meant for sure, but I think it was moments when I was doing something for him but wasn’t admitting it out loud. It was him showing me he knew I was doing it and thanking me without hurting my pride by saying it straight out.

Maybe, somewhere deep inside, he really did remember, if only just a little. Maybe I was grasping at straws, like Sans sometimes did. I wasn’t really sure.

But I smiled in return before I retreated back into the hallway.

I walked back in the room and apparently, Mettaton wasn’t the only one who noticed my less than modest clothing choice, because Sans’ eyes roved me hungrily.

“What’re you looking at?” I snapped, but the animosity was hard to keep up when I was smiling. In fact, if you tried to sound bitchy while smiling, it really just sounded like flirting.

“I was only thinking,” Sans said, “that I’m taking this anatomy class for general ed next semester.”

Okay, that wasn’t going where I thought it was at all. “Alright…”

“And I feel like I could use a little bit of hands on experience, you know?”

I looked at him with my head tilted to the side. I knew full well that he didn’t have sex the way humans did. We hadn’t even tried Bonding yet—not out of discomfort towards each other but trepidation of trying something that had (as far as we knew) never been attempted before. I knew that lately he’d gotten an interesting fascination with my tits, which I sometimes caught him staring at when I was wearing one of my sluttier outfits on my way to or from the club, but I didn’t think much of it.

Sans stood up and came over to me. But when he was standing in front of me, he didn’t stop walking—he continued to move until he had pressed me against the door. He put his hands on either side of me so I was trapped.

“Where did this come from?” I asked. My voice was breathless and I knew he noticed, because he smirked.

“Well, I know how you react when I touch you,” he said, leaning forward and running his hot, slick tongue from my clavicle to my ear. I whimpered a little—I was embarrassingly loud in the sack and even the smallest thing could make me moan and he thought it was hilarious.

Or maybe hilarious was the wrong word, considering the lustful look in his eyes.

“I just wonder what you’d do if I touch you somewhere a little more private.”

My breathing was shaky just thinking about it. It’d never really occurred to me that this would be possible between us. I didn’t think he would be interested, seeing as there was no way for me to reciprocate.

But here he was, looking at me with those eyes and crowding in close to me like he wanted nothing more than to touch me.

“Well,” I said, my voice quiet, “I’m all yours. If you want to experiment.”

“Really?” he asked in interest.

“You think I even want to say no?” I asked. Then, embarrassed at my obvious enthusiasm, I added, “I mean, it’s for science.”

He grinned and stepped in even closer to me, meaning he was pressed up against every part of me. His clothes were so thick that I couldn’t feel what was underneath…

But I was starting to wonder if today I would figure it out.

Sans kissed me hard, letting his tongue slide into my mouth. It didn’t feel anything like a human tongue—not just in texture, but also in the way it moved. It seemed to have more range of motion than my tongue would and it was possibly a bit longer. Kissing him was immediately overwhelming when he let his tongue do the work because it felt like he was filling every part of my mouth all at once.

He pressed forward just a little harder, so I was pancaked fully between him and the door, before putting his hands on my hips. His fingers barely grazed under the fabric of my tank top as he gripped me hard. Even just that made me grunt and I put my arms around his neck, desperate to pull him closer to me.

After a second, he put his hands behind my legs and surprised me by lifting me up so I could straddle his hips. I wasn’t the lightest girl around, so I wasn’t accustomed to someone even attempting to pick me up, let alone doing it with such ease. Who knew someone so lazy was secretly so strong? He didn’t take his mouth from mine as he toted me over to the bed, dumping me down on it before looming over me with a cheeky grin.

God, it was unfair how quickly he could unravel me into a sputtering mess.

His legs were straddling either side of my hips as he stood on his knees over me. “If I’m too much for you to handle, I completely under **sans** ,” he told me.

I growled. “Kiss me, you moron.”

He chuckled. “I’ll do one better.”

Out of nowhere, he put his hands back under my shirt and started yanking it off me. I lifted my shoulders a bit off the bed to help him along. I wasn’t wearing a bra—why bother in my own house?—so within a second I was naked from the waist up for him to see. He stared at them and I wondered if it was his first time seeing human boobs—it’s not like he watched porn, since he couldn’t jack off.

He hummed happily and took one nipple between his fingers, pinching it. I gasped out a surprised breath.

“Oh. That’s fun,” he teased. Before I could say anything, he rubbed a finger against the other nub—his hands were harder than I was used to, which made for rougher contact. A touch as light as this one didn’t feel quite as delicate as it might usually.

It was delicious.

“Alex told me that she once made you come just from playing with your nipples.”

I almost rolled my eyes. What, Alex was telling him stories about me now? I’d have to punish her next time I was Dom. “It took like an hour,” I said. “Not really a task for lazy people.”

“I didn’t say I was gonna try,” Sans assured me. “I just like that they’re so sensitive.”

He tweaked at them both at once and I let out a quiet huff.

He bent over and I expected him to kiss me, but then he went for my nipple and ran his tongue slowly over it. I grabbed his forearm and he seemed to take it as encouragement, because he lavished it with more attention as he pressed the other one between his fingers.

“You make such funny noises,” he told me, and I would’ve been embarrassed at how patronizing that sounded except that that his voice had gone deep with something like arousal.

I remembered then that Monsters could get turned on the same as humans. It was how they got to what they called ‘Bonding state’. I think Alphys had once said they just touched each other a lot.

Well he had the touching thing down.

But what about me touching him?

“Hey, Sans,” I said, trying to get words out even as he tormented my breasts.

“Hm?” he asked, not seeming to want to pause his ministrations.

“Is there any way I can ever see you with that shirt off?”

He stopped and looked up at me in surprise. “Gonna be honest, kid, I wasn’t sure you wanted to see it. I don’t exactly look like what you’re used to. A little less fleshy.”

His joke almost made me want to tease him, but there was this self-consciousness to what he said that I didn’t like.

“Of course I want to see it.” He licked his lips and there was just a slight blue tinge to his cheeks. “I mean, if that’s okay,” I added.

“No, yeah, it’s fine,” he said, his voice husky. “It’s just been a while. Last person who saw me naked was Grillby—probably three hundred years ago.”

“Grillby?” I asked, more dumbfounded by that detail than the part about it having been three hundred years since he Bonded.

“Sure. He’s pretty fun.”

I was starting to wonder if Monsters had any concept at all of gender. I mean, it didn’t make a difference with Bonding, so maybe they didn’t.

Humans had so much to learn from Monsters.

“I can be fun too,” I told him.

He grinned. “I don’t doubt it, kid.”

I shifted myself so I was leaning on my elbows and started shoving off his blue sweater—and after a moment of what seemed like disbelief he helped, shrugging it off and throwing it to the side. His forearms were as I expected—two bones shaped relatively like a human radius and ulna would be shaped. I ran a finger down one of them, in between the two bones, and he watched me intently.

Then I moved to the bottom of his shirt and started to pull it upwards. This time, he didn’t help other than to lift up his arms so I could tug it over his head and throw it on the floor.

And I stared at him.

This part was not so expected.

What I figured I would see was a spine and a ribcage. I knew there was something in there that pumped like a heart, since I’d felt it beat, but I kind of thought it would just look like a normal heart for some reason.

Not so much.

I mean, in a way it was what I was picturing. There was his spine, which was all that was there in terms of his belly, but it was his chest that was nothing like what I had imagined.

The last thing I expected was skin.

The skin was white and just barely transparent, pulled over the ribs tightly like plastic wrap. Through the skin I could see a blue glow in between the thick ribs, just like his tongue. Maybe he had more organs in there than I had thought.

I reached my hand out and pressed a finger to the skin. It wasn’t soft like human skin—it, like the rest of him, was not as stiff as you expected bone to be but definitely not as pliable as human flesh.

I should have realized that if he had organs, he had to have something protecting those organs, but it just didn’t connect.

I splayed my fingers out over him. He got warmer within seconds and his pupils were bigger than I’d ever seen them.

I had no idea how to touch him. Did Monsters have erogenous zones like humans, or was it all the same? Did they usually tend to wear so much clothing—except Papyrus, who was his own breed—because any little touch could set them off?

I let my hands run up his chest to his shoulders, which were made of dense, sturdy looking bones. All of him looked like that—stocky, strong. Definitely thicker than humans bones. There was nothing delicate about any of it and it gave me this strong desire not to be gentle with him.

I grabbed both of his shoulders and flipped us over so I was on top of him, straddling his lap. His easy grin teased me, asked me to experiment with him the way he had with me. Neither of us were virgins, but we were in brand new territory. This was past getting off—it was a learning experience.

One I didn’t intend to waste.

First I tried tickling my fingers gently over his ribs, which made him shake a little. Then I ran my hand more firmly over his skin—he hummed in approval, but was more in control of his reaction.

Underneath his ribs, the skin made a little pocket that I could reach. I experimentally ran my hands under there and he grunted quietly.

Hm. Interesting.

I bent down and ran my tongue against the edge of his ribs, keeping my eyes on him, and I watched as his eyes rolled up into his head for a second. One of his hands was grazing the back of my head, as if requesting that I continue.

I continued to lick the general area and he started to grunt more often and his hums started to sound a little more like groans.

I wanted my hands on him too, so I ended up resting one against his arm, and then the other found his spine by accident.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he hissed, and for a second I thought I’d done something wrong. I backed up and looked at him and saw that he was panting hard. He looked down at me, exasperated, and I knew he was going to tell me not to stop.

Was it the spine that had that reaction?

Without looking away from his face, I ran my finger down his spine and his hand squeezed at the back of my head.

Experimentally, I bent down and ran my tongue against the bone and he let out a real moan, the first one I had coaxed out of him so far.

Jackpot.

I began to focus my attention here. I licked at it, I ran my hands against it. When I wrapped my hand around the base of his spine firmly, he said, “Jesus, yes, like that,” and I grinned to myself.

It took a little experimentation to figure out what he actually liked. Any contact in the area worked well enough, but some things he reacted more strongly to than others. Jerking it off fast like you might a dick wasn’t the best way to go. Keeping the grip firm but the movements slow worked best. He wanted to feel every bit of it, which he couldn’t if I moved too quickly. He was actually pretty vocal, once I realized the right spot to mess with, and just listening to him react like that made my pussy clench with want.

I told it to shut up. We weren’t going to be having sex.

Then Sans pushed at my shoulder. I looked up at him, confused. Had I done something wrong?

His eyes, like when he was drunk, were glowing vaguely blue around the edges. He was breathing hard.

He pushed me down onto the bed, restraining my wrists beside me.

“Jesus,” he grunted hoarsely. “You’re something else, Ri. You really are.” He kissed me hard and then let go of my hands so he could roughly grab at my breast with one hand and run the other down my side before it rested on the elastic of my shorts.

I didn’t have long enough to register what was happening before he hooked his fingers under them and shucked them off of me—and before I knew it one of his fingers had dipped down between my legs experimentally. I twitched as his finger just barely ran against my clit, which had been starving for contact for a good half hour by then.

“Damn, you’re soaked,” he said. Well, he knew more about human sex than I’d given him credit for, seeing as he understood the significance of me being wet. Maybe he and Alex had talked more extensively about sex than I’d figured. “All that just from touching me, huh?”

“You make some pretty hot noises,” I explained breathily.

He chuckled quietly. “ _I_ do?” he asked. “You should hear yourself sometime.” He ran his finger more deliberately over my clit this time and I moaned just like he’d been hoping I would. “I wish I had a dick just so I could fuck you,” he said. “But I guess I got fingers and a tongue,” he added, sticking his tongue out for me to see as he winked. “Though maybe we’ll save the whips and chains for next time. Not sure that’s a good idea for our first go.”

He seemed more than happy to at least try to do it the human way.

But… “You know, I’ve been fucked a lot in my life. I wouldn’t mind trying something new.”

I wasn’t sure at first if I was being too vague about what I meant, but I knew I wasn’t when he started to look at me just a little more seriously. “You sure about that, Rye Bread? I don’t know what’ll happen—if it’ll even work. Plus, it might not really take care of, you know, all this.” He punctuated the word by slipping a finger just barely inside of me, which made me grip both his arms hard.

“You’re thinking about it too much,” I told him with a smile. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

After a moment, he nodded. “Alright. My way. I like getting my way anyway.”

Before I could tell him to shut up, he kissed me again, and I had no intention of breaking our lips apart long enough to tease him.

He took his hand away from my crotch long enough to pull his sweats off, but then he was right back at it. His hands were timid, gentle—surely out of not knowing what to do more than anything, but he was driving me crazy. It felt good, but wasn’t enough to get me anywhere. It was goddamn torture.

Then again, the way he was smirking at me every time we separated, maybe he knew what he was doing to me and thought it was funny.

Then he took his hand away. He readjusted himself so that one of his legs was in between mine and lie on top of me so that we were completely flat against one another. He held my wrists down on either side of my head again and then he started to grind.

This was it. This was what it looked like when Undyne and Alphys Bonded.

And I wasn’t sure if he meant for it to happen or not, but he’d rested his leg square on my clit, which meant that when he started moving, it rubbed up against me just right. It sent sparks of pleasure up my body and I threw my head back and just let myself feel it for a while.

The grind was slow, like when I had been stroking his spine. I could feel all of him against me, and it felt better than I expected, even if you didn’t consider the convenient placement of his leg. He was so warm, and he was so happy that his chest was doing that purring thing it did more than I’d ever felt it, which made my skin sensitive and tingly. Eventually, he let go of my hands and I opened my eyes to look at him. His eyes were closed and there was sweat dotting his head. His mouth was still smiling, but it was open so that he could get more air in. He looked focused—he looked happy.

I liked to see him like this.

Then I had an idea. I reached my arms around his back and firmly grabbed his spine.

His eyes flashed open, both of them bright blue.

And then everything went white.

When I could see again, I couldn’t really register where I was anymore. I couldn’t feel the bed underneath me and I couldn’t see the ceiling above me. I knew something had to have been there, but it was impossible to focus on anything—

Anything but Sans, that is.

He was still against me. We weren’t moving anymore. He was just looking at me, his eyes still blue, and he was grinning so wide. I was too—I could feel it.

“Hey, Rye Bread,” he said to me. His voice sounded like he was whispering right in my ear—I could feel his breath on the soft flesh even though he definitely hadn’t been anywhere near my earlobe.

“Hey,” I replied breathlessly.

“What I need you to do is close your eyes,” he told me. The words still tingled against my ears, making me shiver with pleasure.

“Okay,” I agreed, letting them shut.

“And just feel it.”

“Feel it,” I agreed.

“Maybe don’t open them this time around,” he added. “It’ll be a little… disorienting.”

I didn’t know what that meant, but it sounded ominous and it didn’t feel like the right time to ask.

For a moment, I didn’t feel anything. He started to kiss me and I kissed him back, all the urgency of before vanishing as we lazily lapped at each other’s mouths.

And then it started. It started in the middle of my chest—a tightening feeling not so different than what you felt when you were going to have an orgasm. It started to branch out slowly, seeming to filter into my organs.

Sans’ tongue was in my mouth and his body was against me and I could feel it, feel all of it, like he was inside me. He had crawled into my skin and made a home there and I was inside him too.

The tendrils of pleasure were reaching out farther every second. My whole torso was overtaken and it was crawling into my shoulders. Once it reached my crotch it all intensified. I moaned into his mouth and it multiplied once more. I didn’t know where my limbs were, what they were doing, but I knew that Sans was a part of me and that if we just stayed like this forever, I was totally cool with it.

Finally, the tensing found the tips of my toes, of my fingers, of every strand of hair. I wasn’t convinced that I _could_ open my eyes even if I had wanted to, seeing as I didn’t think I could move at all.

My body felt wound up, ready to pop. I was covered in Sans, and I could hear him moaning loudly in my ear—

And then it started to get warm. The warmth spread the opposite direction that the tension had—it started in my feet and hands and crept inwards. Everywhere it touched there was a pulsating feeling.

“God, Ri, you feel good.”

Somehow, it hadn’t really occurred to me that we could speak. I tried to, but my mouth felt heavy, full of cotton. I was fine with it. Everything was fine.

Somehow, in the midst of all the physicality, I was mostly just glad that Sans was there, against me. I could feel how glad he was to have me there too and there was nothing I needed more than that.

The warmth spread faster than the tension had. It was already part of my entire body—thrumming, pounding, begging for a release I didn’t know how to get.

“ _God_ ,” I muttered.

“Not quite,” Sans whispered, and I let out a quiet chuckle that turned into a moan. It was hard to explain what about it even felt good. Not being able to pinpoint the pleasure was disorienting—it was everywhere and it was dissimilar to anything I had felt before.

Then, for a moment, everything stopped. Like all the nerves in my body turned off for a moment and I couldn’t feel anything at all.

“I love you,” I found myself murmuring—unsure if Sans was even there anymore.

But then he chuckled, a bass chord thrumming in my chest, and he said, “I love you too.”

And then it happened.

Something inside of me exploded, like fireworks in my soul, burning through my synapses like fire, white hot and uncontainable.

“ _Fuck_ ,” I heard Sans hiss, and I tightened my arms around him, suddenly sure of where he had been against me all along.

The feeling began to die down. My limbs grew a little cooler and my muscles all unwound, feeling better than they ever had.

I opened my eyes again and was jarred by the fact that we were back in my room. Sans’ face was in my shoulder and his breathing was thundering in my ears. He didn’t seem like he really felt like moving and I felt the same.

I draped my arms over him and just lie there, eyes closed. I felt tired now. Content. My nethers were no longer pulsing with need, so it seemed that the Bonding had taken care of that.

“Hey, Sans,” I said.

He groggily lifted up his head. “What is it, Rye Bread?”

“Could we get under the covers?” After having been so hot before, I was feeling the absence of that heat more than you would expect in mid-July.

He slowly but surely pried himself off of me and we crawled to the other end of the bed. My limbs felt heavy and lazy as I pulled the sheets over us. He then nuzzled into my side.

“That was nice,” I said.

“Yeah?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah.”

“And next time, we can try it your way,” he said. “Maybe at the club.”

“I’d like that,” I replied, pulling him closer to me as I let myself fall asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> This story will update every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday!


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